Parents seem to struggle with how to deal with this situation. Ann has siblings and grew up in what she felt was a "normal" environment. There were fusses and disagreements but she and her siblings managed to survive. Norman is an only child and could not understand the way we sometime treated each other. He felt it would have been wonderful to have a brother or sister. When we started our family a lot of these same situations arose. Norman could not understand why the children couldn't get along with each other and show love for each other all the time. Trying to understand the co-existence of siblings and their problems may be an area of concern in your family and we hope that the new series on "Can Brothers and Sisters Co-exist" will be helpful and enlightening.

Norman and Ann

God gave us the privilege and challenge of raising four children. We didn't do it perfectly. In fact, there have been many times when we have mentally kicked ourselves for mistakes in judgment in our training and discipline. The most haunting memories are those times when we failed to model the virtues we promoted. The most trying times were those occasions when we had to find a way to keep them from seriously crippling one another. Having said those things, however, we love and appreciate each and every child, as well as their spouses and children. In many ways sibling relationships provide a working model for getting along despite differences.

Life can be very interesting when you've got four active siblings living in your house. They are at different stages of emotional and physical development. They have different interests, personalities, temperaments and viewpoints. They play manipulative games with one another, argue with each other, compete with one another and generally get on one another's nerves. Even in adulthood, they sometimes differ over numerous issues ranging from political convictions to spiritual convictions. If you should happen in on a family gathering at the wrong moment, you might conclude that they don't love each other. That would be a big mistake. At least it would be if you were looking at our four offspring.

On occasion they have been known to "test" each other's viewpoints. Siblings are not noted for their tactfulness. I can think of certain descriptive words that they have used to describe each other's ideas. Among the words that come to mind are "dumb," "dangerous," "self-centered," "inconsiderate" and "bull headed." One of my sons once announced his plans to become a professional comedian. He said, "I know I will have great success because my weird family has given me so much wonderful material." Ah, but if you only see that, you would only see one side of what it means to be a sibling in our family. They are capable of showing great compassion to one another. If one of them should be unjustly attacked, the other three will close ranks and rise to the defense of the mistreated sibling. Pity the poor person who dares to become the enemy of all four.

Brotherhood (and sisterhood) implies a special sense of bonding in many different areas of life. For many years, my father belonged to the carpenter's union. The union was officially described as a "brotherhood." Racial minorities often describe those of similar ethnic cultures as "the brothers." The church is a brotherhood. In 1 Peter 2:17, the apostle urged his readers to "Love the brotherhood of believers .." It is consideration for a person, whom a Christian regards as a brother that would motivate one to forego the exercise of Christian liberty. "It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall." (Romans 14:21). There is a special spirit of camaraderie among brothers. Paul indicated he felt restless when he came to Troas because he couldn't locate a certain brother. "I still had no peace of mind, because I did not find my brother Titus there. So I said good-by to them and went on to Macedonia." (2 Corinthians 2:13). False brothers can make life miserable in the church. In Galatians 2:4, Paul lamented the fact that " . . . false brothers had infiltrated our ranks to spy on the freedom we have in Christ Jesus and to make us slaves." The concept of brotherhood caused the early Christians to feel a special bond toward on another.

What does this have to do with siblings in our families? Plenty. In the world of labor, the world of racial identity and in the world of church life, the term's "brother" and "sister" are often used as word pictures to describe solidarity and acceptance. Labor unions, ethnic minorities or even church members did not coin the term's "brother" and "sister". Those terms arose out of family relationships and were later applied in other contexts. They were appropriated because somebody thought it was a good thing to have brothers and sisters.

Ann has a brother and two sisters. Those relationships are highly cherished. Norman has no brothers or sisters, but always wished that he did. He was so anxious to have "brothers" and "sisters" he even adopted some of his cousins as substitute siblings. Brother and sister relationships can be like a roller coaster. Sometimes deep hostility develops. At other times, brothers and sisters are capable of providing support when no one else can. Even when long term hostility and alienation takes place, there's a certain sadness that occurs, because most alienated brothers and sisters wish things could be different.

We feel a special sense of identification with those whom we are willing to call "brothers" and "sisters." We find mutual encouragement in a negative and insensitive world. It's a good thing to have a brother or a sister. It's an even better thing to enrich that relationship.

NEXT WEEK: "How to Enrich Relationships Between Brothers and Sisters"