Here in Louisiana, we are passing a period known as the "Dog Days of August." Everyday the thermometer soars past 100 degrees. Many of our readers are international readers, who measure temperature by the Celsius scale. I guess our temperatures don't sound so bad when you think of them being in the thirties, but there's something about 100 + on the Fahrenheit scale that sounds rather ominous. When the television reporters tells us that our temperature is over a hundred, we have a tendency to become psychologically numb and excuse ourselves from any kind of demanding activity.

It seems to us that we encounter a similar attitude concerning children when a divorce takes place. Divorce itself is such a heart wrenching experience that it becomes difficult to get focused on taking care of the innocent children who get caught in the backwash. We numb ourselves psychologically and satisfy ourselves with such platitudes as "Oh the children will be all right." "They'll adjust and be just fine." "Kids have a great resiliency." "The divorce is not about them, but their parents." We've learned that our flowers and grass will not survive Louisiana summers if we don't give them attention during the hot weather. By the same token children will not make it into adulthood with good coping skills if they do not receive special attention when their home is shattered by divorce. Over the next three weeks we want to share some insights on that subject.

Norman and Ann

by Norman and Ann Bales

1. . Myth: Children are resilient and bounce back in a few months without any negative consequences. Fact: There's a high degree of drug abuse, problems at school, poor grades and lower economic well being in single parent families." (Source: Judith Wallerstein. "Children After Divorce." - New York Times Magazine. January 22, 1989). "The trauma children experience when their parents divorce is substantial. When their dreams of a happy and loving home are broken, their security is shattered to an extent that they often lose their ability to concentrate in school and become under-achievers." (Ralph Woerner "How Divorce Affects Children. Minden (La) Press-Herald. August 1, 1996)

2. Myth: Children do well in newly constructed families after divorce. Fact: After five years one half of the children do not consider their new family an improvement. If they were given a choice, they would return to the family that failed. (source: Charles M. Sell. Family Ministry. p. 330).

3. Myth: Children will relate to each parent in the same way after marriage. Fact: Relationships with both parents will likely change. Some fathers become more attentive to children after divorce. Visitation times become a time to indulge the children. Mothers are often so wearied with the tasks of breadwinning and single parenting that they don't have time to be attentive to their needs. Romantic interests of parents change their relationships to children. Only one thing is certain. Relationships will be changed. (Source: Shirley Streshinsky. "How Divorce Affects Children - A Major Study." Redbook. September, 1976)

NEXT WEEK: "Some Long Term Effects of Divorce on Children

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