Today's newsletter is literally staff produced and we mean the entire staff. Actually Ann and I are not contributing any content other than what you read here. Ann's still doing all the tech stuff to get it on the web, so she's not getting much of a break. Vic will make sure the newsletter gets to those who receive it via e-mail. Our resident family counselor, Mikal Frazier contributes her closing column on "Skills and Perspectives." We can't wait to see what she'll come up with for her next series.

Jim Bales, our children's editor, weighs in with a column on "Higher Calling." While it has application to the manner in which we relate to children, it has much wider application. Be sure and read it. We think you will find it very convicting.

So why are we depending on the rest of the staff? Well we are cloistered in a motel away from home to work on writing and study. The church allows us to take one week a year for personal study and we have selected this week. For more than two years we have been promising ourselves that we are going to complete a couple of books we want to write. We don't seem to get around to it when we're at home, so that's our focus this week.

However, even when you go in self-imposed exile, you don't get away from the need to pursue the higher calling Mr. Jim writes about. We left a printer cord at home and it took all morning on our first day to locate one we needed - not because it was that hard to find, but because the "customer service" people we talked with didn't know which one we needed and we didn't have sense enough to describe our need clearly. Then there were some things in the motel that weren't right. I'm glad I read Mr. Jim's article in advance. I was able talk in a calm tone with the woman at the desk. I finally ended up saying, "I really hate to bring this up, but I know if I don't someone else is going to say something to you and they won't do it as kindly." She bent over backwards to be helpful. Not only do we have a higher calling, but also we often have a better chance of getting changes made when we act in harmony with our calling. As Ann some times likes to say, "You can attract more flies with honey than you can with vinegar."

Oh, one other thing. For those of you who may not be familiar with Dallas, Mr. Jim's place of residence, the Tollway is a high speed, multilane, controlled access thoroughfare. It has been said that those who drive on the Tollway are either fast or dead.

Norman and Ann

by Mikal Frazier, LMFT, LPC

"Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil." Ecclesiastes 12:13,14.

It cannot be said better. This is the conclusion of the matter. In everything I do I must ask, "Is this what God would have me do?" This is my whole duty.

In Titus 2 verses 2 and 4 we find that loving others is to be learned. As I am writing the last article for this series and I am considering passages which speak of learning to love, it occurs to me that the entire message of the Word of God is an instruction in loving. 2 Timothy 3:16 says, "All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.."

1 John 4:29 -- "We love Him because He first loved us." He was the example. He showed us how to love. He taught us!

Is it any wonder that when all else has failed, some are now deciding that we can learn skills to love one another, particularly in the marriage relationship? Recognition of this fact gave birth to the marriage education movement. These articles have been an effort to share skills and perspectives, which need to be learned in order to have the kind of marriage God intended.

In the first column of this series, I referred to the four dimensions that have been identified by Scott Stanley as crucial areas for education in prevention of divorce. God has provided guidance in each of these areas. Following are the four dimensions and a Godly approach to each:

1. Communication. Recognizing that all behavior is communication, as God tells us how to behave towards one another, he is telling us how to communicate with one another. Titus 2: 2-4: "Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Likewise, teach the older women.... Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

2. Conflict management: Ephesians 4:26,27: "In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." We are not to avoid or attack one another, but we are to approach one another, even in the difficult times.

3. Attitudes and beliefs. Only God can give us the peace and joy we long for, Galatians 5:22. We often come to marriage with the belief that in this relationship we will find total fulfillment. Only a relationship with a loving savior can provide this blessing. Then from this gift we can give out of our fullness and be the spouse God would have us be.

4. Big meanings of things. These are the core beliefs pertaining to faith and commitment. Titus 2:11-13 says: "For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say ˜No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope--the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ."

I've been convicted lately of how well I am able to fit into whatever situation or location I am in. For instance, when I go to the bank and the line is long, I can complain with the best of them. When my dinner at the restaurant is cold, you better believe that I can get someone to make it right. And don't think I'm going to let anyone cut in front of me on the Tollway!

I'm a nice guy. I pay my taxes. My neighbors don't complain about me. I must be doing all right. But the question keeps coming to my mind, "Isn't there a higher calling for Christians?" It says in I Peter 3:8-10 to, "live in harmony with one another." I do that really well. If the text stopped there then I'd be sitting pretty.

Unfortunately for me, it goes on to say, "be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing."

I believe that God provides the opportunities for us to share the good news of Jesus if we are willing to use them. Next time I'm in the line at the bank, maybe I should find out what is really making the person behind me so angry. Could it be that God is giving me the chance to "be sympathetic, and love as a brother" and not just follow the crowd? Check out the rest of that chapter in I Peter to see how we are supposed to be prepared to be like Christ.