We continue with the "Helping Your Family Grow" series. We never cease to be amazed at the number of families who place such a low value on spiritual priorities. More than once we have seen young people latch onto spiritual priorities, when their parents had very little interest in such matters. We've even known parents who were hostile to the spiritual devotion of their children. Some parents discourage their children who want to become missionaries because they don't want their kids to sacrifice the blessings of material abundance to live in a Third World country. We've seen young people who wanted to attend a Christian College in order to deepen their understanding of God's Word and form life long friendships with other Christians. That's a commendable thing. Yet, we have also known parents who discouraged such a course, fearing the inability of their children to compete in the marketplace. We shake our heads in wonder when such things take place.

In this week's feature article, we ask you to give some thought to the values, priorities and standards you want your children to observe.

We're also pleased to share an article written by Ben Brewster, a young father who is trying very hard to see that his priorities are in the right place. He tells you about some of his struggles and then finds encouragement from his grandfather who apparently knew which direction he wanted to travel.

Norman and Ann

by Norman and Ann Bales

Too often we go through the important child rearing years merely reacting to circumstances and events that affect the family. If you try to predict all the events and dynamics that will shape your family in the future, you'll probably prove to be a poorer prophet than the meteorologists who appear on the nightly news. However, you're much more likely to see good things happen in your family, if you know in advance what your family would be like if it could become everything you want it to be.

• How many times would the ideal family share a meal together during a week?
  In this day and age families don't always dine together. Dad and Mom both work. Children sometimes fend for themselves in the evening. Perhaps Mom stops by for a take out order at a fast food place on the way home, knowing that she has to be done with dinner before she makes an important meeting in the evening. Dad may be half way across the continent on a business trip. Mealtime is an important time to communicate about the things that matter most. So how often are you willing to let something else pre-empt these important family-bonding experiences?

• What kind of activities would take place in the ideal family during the week to enhance spiritual growth?
  You need to decide what you're going to do about spiritual instruction in the family. Whether you will expose your family to spiritual instruction is not an option for the Christ-centered family. The Bible is very clear on the subject. "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). When it comes to methodology, however, there are many options - daily devotions, one-on-one conferences with each individual child, joint study of next week's Sunday School lesson, etc. We are limited only by our sense of ingenuity and our willingness to spend time.

• When and under what circumstances would the family miss church meetings?
  You need to settle the issue of church attendance. Will you be a family that drops in late at the Sunday morning assembly and never gets involved in any organized activities of the church? Will you be a family that attends only when the weather is fair, televised sporting events are unavailable and there are no area entertainment attractions that appeal to the family? The family needs to decide if church life is a vital part of family priorities

• How would the family handle disagreements?
  How you answer that question has an important impact on the lives of your children. In the end it can be one of the most important of all spiritual considerations. Many times we have tried in vain to arouse spiritual interest among those who were "raised in the church." Sometimes they'll start by telling us, "We were there every time the doors were opened when we were kids." We ask, "Then why aren't you involved now." They'll respond by saying, "Mom and Dad fought all the time. They seemed to hate each other, yet they left the impression at church, that we were a devoted and Godly family. If that's what Christianity is, we don't want any part of it."

• How would the family teach respect for older members of the family, teachers, authority figures (such as policemen) etc.?
  One of the most common complaints we hear from members if the older generation is the belief that today's young people lack respect for those who or older and for those who are in authority. The same people often demonstrate their own lack of respect through flagrant, willful violations of traffic laws, through cutting corners in business dealings and through countless compromises of ethical integrity in human relationships. We tell derogatory humorous stories about our elected officials and carp about the corruption of all authority figures. Then we wonder why our kids lack respect for authority.

• How does the family deal with outside influences over which you have no control?
  Do you complain about how unfair you're being treated or do you develop a plan for coping with the difficulties that you face? Family leaders often receive their most severe test when they are called upon to deal with adversity. If trials make you bitter and cynical, can you really expect to have a joyful family? On the other hand, one of the most powerful lessons you can teach is through the simple willingness to stand for what you believe in when life becomes too hot to handle.

• What does the family do to communicate the message to all family members that Christ is the head of the home?
  Some families display a sign in their houses that reads, "Christ is the head of this home." It takes more than a sign. It takes a willingness to yield to the Lordship of Jesus in every aspect of family living. It takes the power of a positive example. It takes acts of unselfish servanthood.