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Volume 5 Number 47       December 13, 2000       Norman Bales, Editor

CONTENTS

Just Visiting

If you're like us, you are very busy at this time of year - shopping, social events, decorations, wrapping presents, making travel plans. It's a wild season, and we sometimes think it is totally out of hand. When we think about it, we think it peculiar that a season, which is supposed to be for the purpose of honoring Jesus, is somehow turned into the biggest marketing event of the year. It's kind of a strange way to honor one who had no "stone upon which to lay his head." Today we turn our thoughts to some of the conflicting feelings that develop during the Christmas season.

Regrettably, we feel we need to alert you to a potential virus problem that may affect our newsletter. This past week we received several returned messages with the "Romeo and Juliet" virus attached to our newsletter. We do not believe that our computer is infected with the virus. We checked out every infected message and did not find a single address on our mailing list. We strongly suspect that someone forwarded our newsletter and attached the virus. We would hope it was done accidentally. We would hate to think anyone would do such a thing on purpose. We have not received an unusual number of "unsubscribes" which probably would have happened had we inadvertently sent out the virus ourselves. We are taking extra special precautions. The newsletter is being sent on a different computer and will be checked for a virus before it goes out. If you are a regular subscriber and you received the virus, you need to let us know. You can guard against viruses with several virus protection programs. Also, you should know that we never send attachments with the newsletter. Norman and Ann

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"In the Air, There's a Feeling of Christmas"


by Norman Bales

"City sidewalks, busy side walks
Dressed in holiday green.
In the air, there's a feeling of Christmas"

There's no doubt that the feeling of Christmas is in the air. You can't escape the presence of Christmas - crowded malls, harried store clerks, mail boxes full of Christmas sale ads and cards from people who only write once a year, traffic slowed to a crawl by admirers of the lights, carols played on the speaker system.

But is it a fair wind or in ill wind? Perhaps it's both.

For many people Christmas is a time of extraordinary sadness. Lonely and depressed people often find little relief from their gloom during the season. The apparent happiness of others serves to intensify their dispirited feelings. Sometimes the holidays provoke painful memories of past Christmas seasons when we were disappointed by dismal events. Death often invades some families during the Christmas season and seems doubly cruel at this time of year. Workers lose jobs in December; health crises surface and family troubles seem to loom larger at this season of the year. The holidays have a way of exposing fault lines in our family relationships. Several years I heard the head of the psychology department at a Christian College say that he always dreads coming back to school after the Christmas holiday. Students inevitably come to his office to receive emotional counseling. So often a student received an unexpected "Christmas present." Parents often decided to use that time to break the news of upcoming divorce plans. The joy of the holidays is diminished forever after.

Thankfully Christmas can also be a time of extraordinary joy. It's a time for celebration, a time for family gatherings, a time for sharing gifts, a time for unselfish acts. It's a time when many people in the world are willing to acknowledge the influence of our Savior. Although we don't know exactly when Jesus was born, we don't agree with those who choose to "kick the cradle" at this time of year. The curtain of secularism is lifted just a tiny bit and people are singing about Jesus just when we thought they had forgotten him altogether.

We hope you fully enjoy the season, but at the same time we all need to be sensitive to those who might think that it's an ill wind that blows during the Christmas season. It's also a good time to "let every heart prepare Him room."

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FROM THE E-MAIL BOX

FROM A SUBSCRIBER WHO MISSED US FOR AWHILE
"I have waited for too long not receiving your soul inspiring, teaching and ministering contents of AAF. This has been since my e-mail account was changed from what it was, even then I did sent my new e-mail address, but for over four months now I have not received any volume. Please re-activate my subscriptions to your valued AAF newsletter."

COMMENT: We're glad to know we were missed. We remind our readers that all previous newsletters are posted on our website

"In elaboration to the article 'I will make my own choice' may I refer you to Imago Relationship Therapy. My husband and I are currently undergoing this remarkable form of therapy (while being very active in Retrouvaille -a Catholic-sponsored, Christian-based ministry for hurting marriages). Imago Relationship Therapy leads us to become conscious of our childhood wounds, heal ourselves and one another - and thus enable growth through the conflicts which reveal these wounds."

COMMENT: We are somewhat familiar with Retrouvaille. Ann and Mikal attended a presentation that explained Retrouvaille when we attended the "Smart Marriages" conference in Denver last July. We are not familiar with all of the dynamics of Retrouvaille, but they do have an impressive track record of helping save troubled marriages.

"I have something to share with you about the importance of choosing a Christian mate. My wife and I were both raised in the church and in our teens we knew close to 40 other kids in our respective youth groups. We are a little over forty years old now and a few years ago we made a list of all of our teen group friends and discovered something very interesting. Of those who had married someone they met at church or at a Christian college, only 3 were no longer married. In one of those cases, a younger friend of mine murdered his wife and is now serving a life sentence in prison. In another, the man decided to pursue a homosexual lifestyle, and in the last, the husband had been battling cancer and other health problems that altered his personality. Not that any of these are acceptable excuses for not being married any more, but none of these marriages were dissolved just because they decided they didn't want to be married any more.

On the other hand, of those who married outside the church, only one is still married to their original spouse, and she only got married about 5 years ago when she was in her late thirties."

I know this is only anecdotal, but it sure made a huge impact on me and my wife. Perhaps it will on your readers as well.

COMMENT: We appreciate your comments even though they are only anecdotal. There is no doubt in our minds that a mutual commitment to Christ makes a huge difference in the permanency of marriage.

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PERCEPTIONS

"S. K. Benjamin - A Corrupted Power Figure"


by Norman Bales

In the United States, we have agonized through a disputed presidential election. There's a lot at stake for the candidates because the presidency is a very powerful office. We all know that power has a way of corrupting people who start out with the best of intentions, but we deceive ourselves if we think those elite persons who gain public office have trouble managing power. It's common to the human race. The story of S. K. Benjamin provides significant insight into the corrupting nature of power. You can read it

at

http://www.allaboutfamilies.org/sh/percep200047.html

If you have questions about marriage and family relationships, you can "ASK THE COUNSELOR." Address your questions to Mikal Frazier. Her address is mikal@allaboutfamilies. org

Norman's e-mail address: nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org

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