Nobody knows why we do it on February14. We don't even know why we do it in the month of February. In fact the reason for doing it is obscured in legend and myth, but it's a tradition that permeates the Western world. The business community sees it as an opportunity to market products, so it's commercialized, glamorized and promoted. Some men feel intimidated by it, so they buy gifts hoping their wives won't mind their Saturday trips to the golf course quite so much. Some of them even feel "guilt tripped" into making Valentine's Day a big deal.

On balance, we think Valentine's Day is a good thing. If you want to say people tend to overdo sentimentality on February 14, you won't get an argument from us. If you approach it with a little common sense, you can use it as an opportunity to upgrade the quality of your marriage.

If you were looking for Mikal's article, you'll be disappointed. She's working on some excellent stuff, but she needs to secure permission from some of her sources before we print it. It will appear very soon, the Lord willing.

We try to keep our newsletter positive. Our purpose is to be long on practical help and short on issues. However, we've got an issue to lay before you this week. It's one that I (Norman) feel strongly about. The XFL is not family friendly. Even worse, it may well be a frightening barometer of our times. When I heard that the XFL's primary audience is young people between the ages of 12 and 24, I shuddered. I have grandchildren in the target audience. It is for their sake and the sake of other young people that I raise my voice.

Norman and Ann

No one knows for sure just exactly how we got started with the Valentine's Day tradition. We do know that it is named after a man known in history as St. Valentine. Trouble is, the Roman Catholic church recognizes three different men known as "St. Valentine," all of whom suffered martyrdom. According to one legend, one of the Valentines fell in love with a young girl (some say the jailer's daughter). It is alleged that he wrote her a letter prior to his death and signed it "From Your Valentine." That simple signature eventually became a business opportunity for people who are in the greeting card business.

Norman recalls the first Valentine's Day, he and Ann spent together. To be more accurate, he doesn't recall it. He didn't even know it was February 14th, even though he and Ann had been married less than two months. The honeymoon is supposed to last longer than that. He really can't account for his actions on that day except that he knows he brought neither flowers, nor a card, nor delicious chocolates when he came home from work. Certainly there was not a note that ended, "From your Valentine." Most likely his most romantic words were "What's for supper?" It would have meant the world to Ann if he had at least noticed. At the very least he could have suggested bedtime reading from the Song of Solomon.

Within a few months of the wedding nearly all of us will discover that we didn't marry "Mr. Wonderful." or "Mrs. Perfect-In-Every Way." Marriage is not based on romance. It's based on a kind of love that has a more substantial foundation than that. On the other hand, who would want to live in a house that has no walls, windows and doors? Maybe romance doesn't even qualify as windows and doors, but surely romance can be compared to window curtains and some tasteful art pieces. Yes, you can live in a house with bare walls, hard board floors and an unpainted ceiling, but doesn't it seem a lot more like home when there are some decorations? We are not trying to dictate taste. If you want to tack up a velvet picture of Elvis, that's all right, if you both agree that's what you want. Others may think it's tacky, but if it looks good to you, we're not going to protest.

Romance works the same way. Your commitment to each other may be rock solid, but your relationship has a better chance of being enjoyable if you grace it with some aesthetic additions - music (we're not dictating which kind), art, gifts, words of appreciation. A little attention given to these things will pay enormous dividends.

From a spiritual perspective, as marriage partners we are "heirs of the gift of life." We need to explore the thoughts of each other and learn how we can enhance our gift with thoughtful expressions of love. "From Your Valentine" may be just a little bit too corny for you, but surely you can find a way to let your spouse know how much you care.

In all our years of knowing people, we cannot recall having met anyone who ever claimed to have an overabundance of patience. On the other hand we have met many that wanted patience and they wanted it "now." Anyone who opposes patience will find about as much approval as a person who opposes apple pie and the flag, but developing patience requires discipline and the help of God. Doug Parsons shares some significant thoughts on cultivating patience