We've made no secret of the fact that our marriage has survived a few stresses and crises in the past. As a matter of fact we've climbed over some pretty big hurdles. We're at wedding day plus 41 years and still counting. We're still growing and still learning. Besides that we are enjoying each other more than we ever have. What's the secret?

The most powerful asset in our marriage has been our spiritual foundation. When our marriage was sailing on stormy seas, we've found our way to more peaceful waters through the avenue of prayer, Bible study, commitment to Christ, active involvement in the church, trust and reliance on God.

Current research supports the premise that today's families are searching for ways to deepen their relationship with God. Today we begin a series of articles that focus on "The Spiritual Core of the Husband/Wife Relationship." We hope you find it helpful.

Norman and Ann

Why is it important for a husband and wife to have a strong mutual commitment to God? Some people might not consider it important at all. The secular spirit of our age is well documented. Married couples often think their mutual likes and dislikes, similar political views, compatible personalities and shared interests will provide them all the common ground they need for a long, lasting and fulfilling marriage. In his best selling book, The Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster lamented, "Superficiality is curse of the age. The doctrine of instant satisfaction is a primary spiritual problem. The desperate need for today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people" (p.1)

However, many people are beginning to think something is missing in our secularized materialistic culture. In 1999, George Gallup reported, ". . .the percentage of Americans who say they feel the need in their lives to experience spiritual growth has surged 24 points in just four years from 58 percent in 1994 to 82 per cent in 1998."

Blaine Pascal spoke of a "God shaped void" within our hearts and Augustine wrote of a restlessness that can only be satisfied in God. Anyone, who has thought about the subject seriously, realizes that we yearn for more than full stomachs, nice houses, fast cars and expensive adult toys. If an individual has a need for a relationship with God, does it not stand to reason that a married couple has a need to work together on drawing close to God.

We have known people, who seemingly did very well with their marriages despite the fact they lacked a common faith. However we believe there are a number of reasons for a married couple to pursue spiritual goals together. Why A Strong Mutual Commitment to God is Desirable:

1. It provides a moral compass.
   
2. We can go to God when we have problems.
   
3. When we share mutual faith we have oneness in the part of our lives that matters most.
   
4. It prevents conflicts over involvement in church life.
   
5. It gives structure to our lives.
   
6. We are taught in God's word to live unselfishly and to treat one another with respect. Without that kind of direction, most people will think of themselves first in all their relationships.
   
7. It gives us a reason to hope when a spouse dies.

It is not an easy thing to turn the other cheek, go the second mile, control anger, love your enemies and forgive those who sin against you. However, these are clearly the things that Jesus taught and modeled.

Several things get in the way of our good intentions:

• The standards of Jesus are at odds with the standards of the world.

• We live in the flesh and the tendency of the flesh is either to take the path of least resistance or to even the score when we have been wronged.

• We attempt to live up to spiritual standards with fleshly resources and fleshly resources are totally inadequate.

• We often walk by sight when we should walk by faith.

In 1 Timothy 4:7-8, Paul wrote, "Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." Paul suggested we have the capacity to "train ourselves to be godly." The word "train" is a sports metaphor.

If you follow professional golf, you know the name of Tiger Woods. Without question he is the finest golfer on the pro tour today. There are many excellent golfers and then there's Tiger. He's in a class by himself. Every weekend golfer would like to learn from Tiger's approach to the game. Try to picture a person whose only exposure to golf is watching Tiger on television. He decides to take up the game. He buys a set of clubs just like those Tiger Woods uses. He studies videotapes of Tiger's tournaments. Then he goes out to the course and tees up the ball the way he thinks Tiger does it. He's even thought through the Tiger's arm pump, his trademark gesture when he makes a birdie or an eagle. Will he get the same results Tiger gets? Of course not. He hasn't paid the price that Tiger has paid and still pays today (Of course natural ability probably has something to do with it too).

Athletic excellence comes to those who pay the price of rigorous training. The same thing is true in spiritual matters. The two of us recently started a workout program. We hope to tone up our muscles, shed a few pounds and improve our cardiovascular system. We keep our workout program going through mutual accountability and encouragement. We've done the same thing in our spiritual development for many years. If husbands and wives will make themselves spiritually accountable to each other, they will greatly improve their ability to grow spiritually.

Next Week: "Can Marriage Be a Hindrance to Spirituality?" - Thoughts on 1 Corinthians 7

Several years ago, when I had the first opportunity to put together a list of things for families, money was scarce at our house so all of these suggestions are economical.

• Go for a family picnic in the park. In Louisiana it is usually very hot and humid in the summer so you might want to have a picnic on the living room or den floor.

• Go visit a museum in the area. Look for those that are free or require a small donation. (Illustration-Precious Moments Chapel and Museum in Missouri; Norton Art Gallery in Shreveport).

• Search out local historical background. Check out the Internet for local history or go to the library together and read about the historical background of the area and then visit some of the local sites. Even if you've lived in the area all your life you will be surprised what you can learn. Keep a scrapbook and journal so that you can enjoy this family fun for years to come.

• Set aside a night to play table games. If you don't have very many, borrow some. Then invite a family you'd like to know better to join in the fun. Be sure to include the children. If they are small, choose games in which they can participate.

• Video rental can become expensive. Check at the local library for videos for the whole family to enjoy.

• Go for walks together. Search out hiking or nature trails. Share knowledge of things that you see. If it is lawful, pick up flowers and leaves along the way take them home, identify them and put them in your scrapbook of summer activities.

• If the family enjoys camping and fishing plan a trip together. Remember to choose areas that are free or the cost is minimal.

• Start a hobby as a family. Examples: stamp collecting, coin collecting, photography, bugs, local fauna.

• Utilize the library. Encourage each member to read books and then spend time sharing what you read.

• Plan a candlelight dinner for the family. Use your china and crystal. Serve your favorite even if it's hot dogs or pizza. The main thing is to keep the food simple.

• Visit a farm with animals and crops of the area.

• Check on local, free cultural events (orchestra, band, etc.).

• Go mall walking together as a family.

• If only a couple in the home, save up your pennies and go out on a date. It may be to McDonalds but make it special.

• If you live in area that has professional or semi-professional sports teams plan an evening and go sit in the least expensive seats. If there are several children, explain ahead of time that you can't afford any treats.

• When there is more than one child in the family let each child choose a special activity with either one or both parents. Stress that it can't be expensive. You may need to set a cost limit. Once each month take a child for his/her special night out. If they want to do something special that costs more than your limit, tell them they have to help save to pay for it.

• Discuss and choose a project you would like to do together Ex: refinish a piece of furniture, rearrange the furniture, build a birdhouse, make a garden.

• Designate one night a month as family entertainment night. Once a month each family member gets to plan a fun activity for the family. Explain that it can't cost anything or if it does, not very much. Put it on your calendar like any other appointment and do not let anything short of dire emergency interfere or change the plans.P
• Visit a nursing home as a family. Perhaps there is someone you know from your church or friends. If not, the director will be happy to tell you someone who would really appreciate your visit. You will gain much more than you give.

• If your natural family isn't nearby, adopt a grandparent or parents. Once a month plan a special time with them.

• Let the whole family decide where they would like to go on a "dream vacation" then spend time doing all the planning without counting the cost. Remember this is a "dream."

I'm sure you can think of many other ideas. I would appreciate your sharing them with me and I can enlarge my list. Have a great summer.

Many of you have children or grandchildren and you will be able to relate to Monroe's thoughts. With twelve grandchildren he has a lot of insight into their actions and responses. This particular encounter led him to deeper thoughts. You can read about those thoughts