All About Families, August 8, 2001


	Volume 6 Number 27 August 8, 2001 Norman Bales, Editor CONTENTS JUST VISITING FEATURE ARTICLE Description of a Family by Norman and Ann Bales "Who Taught You to Walk?" by Dr. Eddie Randolph PERCEPTIONS: "THE WRONG CROWD" by Penney F. Nichols Just Visiting These are good times for our family. Last week, our youngest son, Gary was married in Chicago. He's married to a lovely lady named Kelly. Kelly has a son named Scott. Scott is a loving child who was born with Down's Syndrome. The good things go on for us. We are enjoying the company of two special guests named Audrey and Hunter. They are our grandchildren. They are really special because they are in adolescence and they don't treat us like old folks. In fact, they seem to be enjoying spending time with us and going to places, which are of historic value in our lives. Today is the last day they will be with us until (hopefully) they can spend time with us again next summer. Twenty-five years ago, the late Richard Rogers wrote a fine article titled, "What is a Family." It was widely distributed and appreciated. One day I started thinking that Richard didn't cover all the bases, so I sat down and wrote some of my thoughts on "What Else a Family Is." Richard died about a year ago. If I could find the article I would publish it because it is very thought provoking. I was cleaning out some files the other day and ran across my follow up article (not nearly as good as his). As I read through it, I decided that it applies as much to the culture of 2001 as it did to 1976. It's included in today's issue. I've had one criticism of my article. I've been told that it's too idealistic. I would have to agree that I don't actually know many families who totally measure up to these ideals. I still defend the concept however. If you don't have a high ideal to aim for, in reality you'll probably never accomplish very much. Norman and Ann * * * * * DESCRIPTION OF A FAMILY by Norman and Ann Bales A family is a unit of people with God at the center of their lives. They respond to one another as a reflection of God's love. A family is a communications center where both serious and frivolous messages are freely transmitted. These messages include irritations, hurts, offenses, and even criticisms. Those transmitting the messages send them with tender regard for the feelings of others. Those receiving them do so without feeling threatened or put down by the negative things they are hearing. The family is also a place where positive communication takes place. Appreciation is openly expressed. Compliments are stated aloud and are not suppressed. A family is a unit that is basically built on the relationship of two people--husband and wife. When the relationship is right with these people, they can then concentrate on mutually sharing their love with the children. A family is a group of people who have time and who take the time to share and listen. Dad and Mother listen to the little boy who is filled with exuberance over a new toy or learning to tie his shoes. It is a place where the family shares joy and victory, but it also shares disappointment and sorrow. It shares good times, and fun things. It also shares grief and heartaches. A family is a work crew. Everyone participates according to his or her ability. The task may be taking out the garbage or painting the shutters, but no one grumbles and complains, "Why do I- have to do this." Each one goes about his or her task with the joy of recognizing that whether one is dusting the furniture or building a shelf, that person is making the house a more suitable place to put a home in. A family is a body of people who realize that personal happiness depends on gratitude. It is a place where thankfulness to God for things small and great are often expressed. It is a place where thankfulness to each other does not go unexpressed. A family is a bargaining unit. It develops the skill of negotiating. To be sure the home has a head, but the head is not so insecure that he cannot listen to and profit from the suggestions of each family member from the smallest to the largest. Finally, a family is a group of people who strive for total commitment to God, total commitment to each other, total honesty with each other, total service to each other, and total consideration for each other's feelings, desires, needs, and hopes. The willingness to strive for and work for these things in the family is called love. * * * * * "Who Taught You to Walk" by Dr. Eddie Randolph erandolph1@aol.com Personally I don't remember learning to walk. I have, however, helped teach three others that particular skill. It is thrilling to see that first step taken. Grandparents are called. Friends are informed. One would think it was the first time in human history that an unassisted step had been taken and that, somehow, your child is exceptional. There are few of us who would learn to stand, much less walk, without the help of others - regardless of which path of life we may choose to stroll. Being a "self-made man (or woman)" is a myth. Recently, I was able to spend time with a good many of my mentors in life and faith during a quick swing through Arkansas. I saw my mother, who wiped my nose and bottom as a single mother for the first five years of my life. It was she who taught me how to walk, talk and love God. There was my father, who inherited me when I was five. His wisdom, patience, and tolerance, I only wish I had. I still marvel that my parents survived the raising of my siblings and me. Add to the mix, "Sister" Wright, at age 92, she still loves God, His church, and His people. She has given of herself and her blessings to see the Kingdom of God grow for the greater part of her life. In my early days of preaching, she would feed me and house me on weekends, occasionally slipping me extra money. One certainly can't overlook Theron, who is just shy of 90. He, with his precious wife Janie, fed me, financed me, loved me, and challenged me. Theron wrote me every week while I was at graduate school and we still correspond today. One can't forget Mike and Sherry, whose friendship and support has continued far beyond my years at the small congregation of Mount Ida. That's quite a list…. it only scratches the surface of those who have helped me in my life and ministry. Without these folks and others, I would not be where I am or who I am today. They helped me to stand and taught me to walk. They were there to pick me up when I fell, dust me off and put me back on my feet. Who taught you to walk? Who has made a difference in your life, encouraged you to make the right choices and discouraged you from making the wrong ones? David had Jonathan. Elisha had Elijah, Paul had Barnabas, and Timothy had Paul. Who has been there for you. Once you have identified these people, let them know how much they have meant and still mean to you. * * * * * PERCEPTIONS "THE WRONG CROWD" by Penney F. Nichols Conventional wisdom dictates the cultivation of just the right people in your social circles. Association with some people will help you get a boost up the ladder and others will hurt you more than help you. Conventional wisdom is based on widely repeated clichés like "Birds of a feather flock together." If you look at the life of Jesus, however, you'll notice that he didn't always follow conventional wisdom. He associated with the wrong people. You'll want to read what Penny Nichols has to say about it at http://www.allaboutfamilies.org/sh/percep200128.html * * * * * If you have questions about marriage and family relationships, you can "ASK THE COUNSELOR." Address your questions to Mikal Frazier. Her address is mikal@allaboutfamilies. org Norman's e-mail address: nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org