Today we begin a new series of articles on "involuntary transition." There are many forms of involuntary transition - job transfer, job loss, rejection, sickness, death in the family, divorce, etc. Each one is accompanied by its own set of pressures. Nearly all of them affect our families in one way or another. Over the next few weeks, we want to think over the issue of involuntary transition with our readers.

We are happy to welcome Mikal back to our newsletter. She has done a lot of traveling since she last visited with us. She attended the Pan European Lectureship - a missionary conference in Athens, Greece. Then she vacationed with her family on the Gulf Coast. She's been a busy woman, but we're glad she stopped long enough to write some thoughtful comments for our newsletter.

We hope you enjoy our Perceptions feature. You have to go to our website to read it. The thoughts there always involve serious issues, but aren't always family connected. Today we introduce you to a writer who appears in Perceptions for the first time. His name is Dennis Conner. Dennis edits the Carolina Christian - a magazine devoted to articles of general Christian interest. If you are interested in subscribing, you can write to

Dennis Conner
P. O. Box 1369
Yadkinville, NC 27055-1369

We would like to request your prayers for his wife Terre, who is fighting a courageous battle with cancer.

Norman and Ann

When we were children, we often sang a hymn at church which began with these words:

Some transition is voluntary and some transition is involuntary. We have all participated in both kinds. We made an involuntary transition when we left the warmth our mothers' wombs and entered the world. We all came here kicking and screaming.

Life constantly changes for all of us. The change begins at birth. It's not too long after birth that pushy parents start urging us to crawl, stand and walk. We begin making adjustments to our world and somebody tells us we have to go to school. Just about the time we get a handle on doing school work, they kick us out in a ceremony called graduation and tell us to go take on the world. On and on it goes with one change right after another - entering the work force, changing jobs, forming a marriage, raising children, moving from place to place, health changes, retirement. The changes just keep on occurring. Over the next few weeks we want to look at the way we handle change and its effect on our families. We are primarily interested in how we deal with involuntary change.

Every significant change we make in life generates stress. This is true whether change is voluntary or involuntary.

• A sense of loss. Suppose you are moving from one location to another. You leave familiar people and surroundings. Even when you want the change to happen, you feel a sense of loss. You say "good bye" to old friends. You've got to find a new place to shop, a new doctor, a new bank, and a new school.

• A loss of credibility. We're not suggesting that you lose your sense of integrity when you change, but when everything's different people don't know what to expect of you. Take moving, for example. You may find it hard to cash a check in your new location, but you need money to make the transition.

• A loss of a sense of worth. Suppose you've been working at a job for some period of time and you decide to leave. The firm that employed you either hires a replacement or eliminates your position. It can be disconcerting to know that things will go on quite well without you.

• The Learning Curve. We get in the habit of doing things a certain way. It's like an old pair of shoes, but the new way can be worse than breaking in a new pair of shoes. We are required to deal with circumstances that we can't control. We have to learn new ways of doing things that make us uncomfortable. When we were in math class in our school years the teachers were never satisfied. As soon as we learned to add, they wanted us to learn how to subtract. When we caught onto that, they introduced us to something called the multiplication table. Once we got that down, they wanted us to learn division and that wasn't so bad until they told us about long division. And so it went. Every step of the way seemed hard, sometimes impossible. It's that way with nearly all the major changes we make in our lives.

Successful families learn how to manage change. They learn how to overcome the negative dynamics that change brings to their lives. Instead of being intimidated by the learning curve, they feel a sense of challenge in overcoming the obstacles presented by transition.

"We may not always live what we profess, but we will always live what we believe." --Sandra Wilson, Ph.D.

In an interview with Tim Clinton of the American Association for Christian Counselors, Sandra Wilson, Ph.D., tells him a question she asks her clients as she tries to understand their faulty beliefs which create difficulties for them. The question is, "What would I have to believe to make that kind of choice?"

Our core beliefs determine the choices and responses we make in this life to the events around us. We filter events through the lens of our core beliefs in order to make sense of our world. Our core beliefs assign meaning to our experiences.

In Spiritual Crisis: Surviving Trauma To The Soul, J. Lebron McBride describes how all trauma, all loss, affects the spiritual component of the individual. It is the spiritual component of the individual that ultimately determines how trauma or loss is to be interpreted. The spiritual belief system must be able to absorb the event and make some kind of meaning of it that is congruent with the belief system.

It was Steven Covey in Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People who said, people must have a changeless core in order to make significant change. For the Christian it is this spiritual component that is the changeless core. As trials and losses come to us, we must line them up against our belief in a loving God who wants only good for his children.

But the ultimate good God wants for us is eternal life. That is why he tells us in Romans 8:37-39, "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." If our core belief from our spiritual belief system is that one day we will experience totally and fully the perfect relationship with the Father, and that is our ultimate goal, the result is that the trials of this life cannot crush us, but only cause us to lean more on Him.

2 Corinthians 4:8-14: "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed, perplexed, but not in despair. It is written: ' I believed, therefore I have spoken.' With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence."

If we let the knowledge that one day we will be raised to live "in his presence," permeate our very being and become our core belief, then what can cause us despair?

Paul describes trials in 2 Corinthians 4, but he makes them congruent with his core belief system. Yes, he felt hard-pressed, but he could not be crushed, because not being crushed is congruent with his belief system. The difficulty could not deter his ultimate goal. He was perplexed, but did not experience despair because despair is not congruent with his core belief system.

In my work with families I often ask my clients, "What can you lean your ladder against here?" There is nothing here to give lasting peace and joy other than the knowledge of being raised to live "in his presence.". We could each draw our last breath before midnight; we could get a call that our entire family was gone; we could lose the use of any formal education as we lie in a vegetable state; we could experience bankruptcy.

Earthly relationships are also not the ultimate goal. We will be betrayed and hurt and we will betray and hurt others. But that still does not deter us from our ultimate goal that is borne out of our core belief.

The following core belief is the lens through which I must see to give meaning to my present experience:
"Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1:8,9

Conventional wisdom dictates the cultivation of just the right people in your social circles. Association with some people will help you get a boost up the ladder and others will hurt you more than help you. Conventional wisdom is based on widely repeated clichés like "Birds of a feather flock together." If you look at the life of Jesus, however, you'll notice that he didn't always follow conventional wisdom. He associated with the wrong people. You'll want to read what Penny Nichols has to say about it