We'd like to ask the cooperation of our readers in a very important study. Don Wright, a licensed counselor in Alabama writes:

I have been receiving your newsletter for several months now. I have a Master's in Theology and another Master's in Counseling. I am a licensed counselor in Alabama as well.

I am very interested in how people tend to respond to situations with blame. By this, I mean that people will often respond by blaming themselves, blaming someone else or not blaming at all.

I have created an instrument which distinguishes between those who react to situations with blame or not. I hope to be able to show that some people are high-blamers and others are low-blamers. I also hope to show that some people tend to blame others and some people tend to blame self.

I hope that this instrument could be used to help married couples in counseling sessions to understand the role which blaming plays in their marital conflicts. I also hope to use this instrument in premarital counseling sessions. For example, how would you react if you found that your prospective spouse had a tendency to blame you 90% of the time when things go wrong?

The survey itself takes about 10-15 minutes to complete. I don't need any names. 17 situations are presented. In each situation, an unexpected event occurs and the individual is given four responses: blame self, blame others, and two non-blaming responses. A high blamer would be one who blames 14/17times and a low blamer would be one who blames 3/17 times. Last of all, my survey presents situations, which do not require any one to be at fault at all. Yet, my research, so far, indicates that people will blame even when no one is at fault. This may mean that people create blame when no blame is necessary.

If you would like to participate in the survey, you can complete it on line. You do not have to give your name. To complete the survey, go to the following website

Last week we discussed the following dynamics of involuntary transition.

• Denial of closure.
  
• Shock and denial.
  
• Defensiveness.
  
• Carry-over.
  
• Unrealistic expectations.
  
• Unwillingness to trust.
  
• Projection.

• Neglect of spiritual growth. Strangely enough, we often deny ourselves our greatest potential resource when we feel the sting of involuntary termination. We turn away from our spiritual resources. Perhaps we believe God has abandoned us. We don't know all the reasons for it. We just know that people often stop attending church, reading the Bible and praying when they experience unwilling loss. It's tempting to follow the example of Elijah, who retreated to a cave and begged God to let him die.

• Scapegoat feelings. When you feel involuntary loss, you may be tempted to think that guilt and blame are being heaped on you by others. You may even be right in that perception. Whether it is deserved or not, you will likely feel a sense of inferiority.

• Defensiveness. Even fun loving people often become edgy and sharp tongued.

• Resentment. You may verbally deny your resentment, even as resentment eats on your insides. It doesn't seem quite Christian to admit that you are holding a grudge, so it takes a toll on your mind and body. Prolonged resentment may contribute to stomach disorders and hypertension.

• A feeling of betrayal. So often the people who initiated our loss were people we considered friends, those whom we trusted. The termination of a job or other important relationships may also mean a loss of friendship. Such grieving can be as severe as the death of a loved one.

• Harsh judgment of self. Some people are more than willing to accept the blame for the circumstances that caused the disruption in their lives. When they enter into new situations, they attempt to give more than they are capable of giving. They work at becoming overachievers. They become discouraged when they cannot perform to the level of their own expectations. Often they will subconsciously do things that undermine the dynamics of the new situations.

• Discouragement. Overcoming the hurt of an involuntary transition usually takes a long time. We want to put it behind us very swiftly, but then discover that we are unable to do so. Waiting becomes very difficult. Depending on the severity of the transition, the hurt may linger for a very long time.

Do you ever feel envious when someone else succeeds? Of course we aren't going to admit that we do - at least not out loud. It is a common human failing to think that another's success diminishes our own. If you think that perception through from a logical perspective, it has no validity in fact. In his article, "A Rising Tide," Joel Mark Solliday shows why. You can read it