In the past few weeks, if you have listened to the news, you have heard a lot of speculation about who the United States enemies are and what we can do to destroy them. The terrorists attack on September 11, 2001 has caused a lot of us to look at our surroundings, our friends and relationships. But when we focus on our marriage rarely do we look at it as having an enemy. In reality there is an enemy there that we have difficulty seeing, therefore allowing it to slowly destroy the marriage relationship in many homes across America. That is the reason we have chosen to address the issue and give you a chance to "take a test" to see if you really know what our greatest enemy in marriage is today (and probably always has been).

We do not communicate with Mikal about the articles we will share with you each week. But this week it may seem that we did. The enemies in marriage and Mikal's discussion of hearing and understanding fit like "hand and glove."

Norman and Ann

O. K. Get out your pen and blank sheet of paper. We're going to give you a test. What is the greatest enemy of marriage? We're not really going to give you a test, but maybe the threat of it helped you to think about our questions for a few seconds. Folks who make it their business to study marriage problems usually conclude that marriage problems fall into one of the following categories:

• money
  
• household management
  
• personality clashes
  
• sex
  
• sharing household jobs

"Selfishness is the greatest single enemy of a happy marriage. Selfishness is the root of all other sins."

Do married couples go to war over money, sex and all the rest of it? Of course they do. But the nasty root of all the discontent in our homes is an insatiable desire to have one's way. Self is alive in each and every one of us, even those of us who claim to be born again. If you don't believe it, read 1 Corinthians 9:27. The temptation to want our own way is very strong. There's no way to overcome it apart from sacrifice and self-denial. (Matthew 16:24)

• have the goal of understanding the meaning of the event or issue to the speaker.
  
• have the goal of understanding the meaning on the terms of the speaker.
  
• attempt to put myself in the place of the speaker and understand their feeling.

The goal of empathic listening is to genuinely understand what the speaker is saying and let them know you understand what they are saying and their experience of it. We are then validating them.

When we read Hebrews 4:14, we can have no doubt that Jesus genuinely understands our experience. What a marvelous gift!