Here in the United States, the fourth Thursday in November is designated as "Thanksgiving Day." It is supposed to be a time we can concentrate on our blessings. Somehow the original intent has shifted somewhat. We celebrate Thanksgiving by eating too much food and watching nine hours of football on television. How that all connects with being grateful is a little bit hard to figure.

We live in a land where we enjoy the highest standard of living anyone in the world has ever known and yet we complain when our meals aren't prepared exactly the way we want them, when our clothes aren't as stylish as we would like and when the slightest inconvenience upsets our plans. Thanksgiving provides us a wonderful opportunity to reassess our attitudes and focus on our blessings.

The Psalmist wrote, "Praise the Lord O my soul and forget not all his benefits" (Psalm 103:2). One of the greatest blessings we enjoy is the blessing of family. This past weekend we were reminded of the enormity of our blessing when our son was promoted to Lieutenant Colonel in the United States Army. It was an occasion for the gathering of family. Family celebrations are some of the most enjoyable times that we have on this earth. If you have occasion to experience a family celebration, don't spend your time worrying about such thing as whether the food was properly prepared. Just enjoy the time together and thank God for the occasion.

We urge all our married readers to pay careful attention to Mikal's article. It would be a good idea to print it out and put it some place where you can refer to it often. Her advice is sound and if followed can prevent an enormous amount of heartbreak.

Norman and Ann

According to Romans 8:26, our ability to express ourselves in prayer often leaves something to be desired. I'm always encouraged when I read verse 27. "And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." We don't always have to "get it right" when we're praying. We just need to get our hearts right.

On the other hand, there remains the possibility that we might expose a heart deficiency when we verbalize our prayers. I'm troubled when we pray, "Lord, help us to be grateful." Lest you think I'm pointing my finger at someone else, I will admit to having done it.

Stop and think about it. God has blessed us enormously. We live in the most prosperous society in the history of the world. We live in comfort and we have access to the best medical care the world has ever seen.

Beyond that, we have been given the enormous gift of atonement, through the sacrifice that Jesus made for us on the cross. We live with the prospect of spending eternity with the Lord. We've been delivered from eternal punishment. God has blessed us significantly with the fellowship of wonderful people who share this same hope. He promised never to leave us nor forsake us. He offers us the peace that passes understanding. Many of us enjoy the blessing of caring and supportive families. When you reflect on these and more blessings than we can count, doesn't it sound a little weird for us to ask God to "make us grateful?" What else does he have to do?

Maybe the problem lies somewhere in our hearts. I often feel powerfully convicted when we sing "My eyes are dry, My faith is old, My heart is hard, My prayers are cold." Some Christians tell me that doesn't describe them. I'm afraid it does describe me more often than I wish it did.

Many years ago, a well-known minister told his congregation this story. He told how he had been at a conference in a large city. While at this conference, he had an encounter with a woman that made red flags fly for him. He immediately went to the closest pay phone and called home. When his wife answered, he said, "I need you to come over here now." She understood. She packed a bag immediately and was there before nightfall. This preacher was intentional in his fidelity, his faithfulness to his wife and more importantly to his God. He had a plan. He had a way of escape. He had a plan that would keep him accountable. If he had not been in a place where he could have called his wife over, I venture to say he would have latched onto a trusted brother and explained the dilemma, and they would have chosen to be accountable to one another. Fidelity does not just happen. It must be intentional.

One aspect of choosing to be intentional is recognizing we are fallible in the area of sexual purity. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 10:12, "So if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!"

As Jim and I taught a Sunday evening class with the title, "Intentional Fidelity," our minister, Benny Baker, shared this thought. He suggested we make a list of five things we would never do and write them down. Then he said, "Be careful, because Satan is going to try to get you." Dr. Shirley Glass, who has researched for 24 years what she calls "extramaritalattachments," says, "You can't be so naive as to think you won't be attracted to other people (after marriage)." We in the Christian community must not be so naive as to think we are immune. The fact is infidelity is rampant among us. And a happy marriage is no guarantee.

Glass uses the metaphor of walls and windows to talk about the process of beginning an affair. She says we need to have windows with our spouses through which we share intimately. We must have walls between ourselves and others to whom we may feel attracted to prevent an affair. We are headed for trouble when we begin to take down a wall and develop an emotional bond with someone other than our spouse. As we develop a window between this other person and ourselves, we are likely building a wall between our spouse and ourselves. Glass says, "Most people don't realize it's a bigger leap from a platonic relationship to the first romantic kiss than from a kiss to sexual intercourse."

Peggy Vaughn, author of The Monogamy Myth says, "Preventing affairs is not like having a one-time inoculation - or even getting occasional booster shots. It's more like taking a pill every day for the rest of your life."

Barry McCarthy, Ph.D., author of Marital Sex As It Ought To Be, says we must have good information about affairs and what makes us vulnerable. He insists such information needs to be taught in marriage education courses. McCarthy lists three types of affairs. They are the high opportunity/low involvement, which is the most common male affair. Then he lists the compartmentalized ongoing affair. The most common type of female affair is the comparison affair. This is also the most powerful. McCarthy says we need to be able to discuss which kind of affair we think we would be most vulnerable to. We must discuss this with our spouse. Then we need to be able to discuss what kind of situation would make us most vulnerable. Would it be anger at the spouse, or depression and disappointment in the marriage or ourselves? Or is it sexual dysfunction?

McCarthy recommends a two-part prevention plan. McCarthy, along with several other experts in this field, says we must be willing to talk about an agreement. We must be willing to talk about high-risk situations or our risk for an affair with our spouse rather than acting it out. As in most sin, it is the secrecy, which allows it to occur. This talking defeats the secrecy.

The next part of the plan is to commit to a 24-hour rule. The 24-hour rule says if there is an incident, you will tell your spouse about the incident within 24 hours. Usually affairs begin with non-intercourse sex. Affairs do not only involve intercourse.

Both of these aspects of the two-part prevention plan break the silence and remove the secrecy. This interrupts the progression to sin. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a Nazi resister draws an apt description for the process that leads a Christian to turn to this sin. He wrote in his book Temptation:

Considering these words by Bonhoeffer, Lynn Anderson says the flesh asks, "Is what the flesh desires really sin in this case? Is it really not permitted me, yes expected of me now, here, in my particular situation, to appease this desire?" When we fall to this temptation, rationalization reigns. It happens every day.