We apologized to last week's readers who receive the newsletter via e-mail. Some of you tried to connect to our Perceptions feature and got a message that said, "Gasp." It was our fault. We didn't get the Perceptions article posted until after the e-mail message went out. If you want to read it, you can access it from our website. Hopefully, the link to this week's Perceptions article will work.

We introduce a new writer to our newsletter this week. Holly Walker is a member of the church we serve. Holly has given some thought to "internet affairs." I was reminded of something I heard Frank Pitman say when we attended the Smart Marriages Conference in Denver a couple of years ago. Dr. Pitman believes that any time we take action that would find the disapproval of our mate and we try to conceal it from them, it can be considered as a form of infidelity. Holly is on target with her thoughts about Internet affairs.

Norman and Ann

When our children were still at home, Norman was engaged in pulpit ministry. On occasion he felt the need to address the subject of parenting. Norman was not the kind of preacher who made statements like "My children will never . . .." He had observed other ministers make those kinds of statement and then end up eating their words. However, he did address the subject of parenting priorities. One day he spoke on the subject of spending time with your children. The message had been received quite well by the church, except for one churchgoer. On our way home, a young voice piped up from the back seat of the car. His critique was quite simple and to the point. He said, "Daddy, you'd better start practicing your sermon."

Children are a great blessing from God. Among God's earliest instructions to mankind was the command to "Be fruitful and increase in number" (Genesis 1:28). Old Testament women considered themselves stigmatized when they couldn't have children. The author of the 127th Psalm said, "Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate" (verses 3-5). How could be ever treat such a blessing as it were of secondary importance?

The challenge of developing character in the lives of our children is formidable in our day and age. We must compete with a culture that shows little or no respect for sacred things. At the very time when our children need us the most, we find ourselves more and more removed from their lives.

In his autobiography, The Camera Never Blinks, Dan Rather told a story about observing his young son playing with a boy in the neighborhood. The neighbor asked, "Who is that man?" Rather's son said, "Oh, that's Dan Rather. He's on TV." The network newsman was somewhat shocked to discover that he had lost his identity as a dad. His own son referred to him as a face on a screen.

There is no substitute for time spent with children. Our son's gentle plea pricked Norman's conscience enough to make a greater effort to be available for our children. Was it enough? It probably can never be enough. We've never regretted giving up a social engagement or even telling a person who wanted to make demands on our time, "We can't do that tonight. We have family obligations." We do regret those occasions when we told the children, "We can't do that today. We've got responsibilities with the church."

Children aren't in your home very long. Our son was right. He needed more of his father's time. It's not easy to rearrange your schedule in the kind of world most Westerners live in, but it is important to make the effort.

I realize that everyone has trouble in their relationships. No relationship is perfect they take work. How many of us get peeved at our other half and it's usually over something trivial? Trivial, yes, but with added fuel, these issues burst into flames of anger. In today's society we are all very mobile, so many of us are nowhere near our families. This can be both good and bad. Good...because we can't go running home when troubles arise.... bad because we often have no one to redirect our paths when we go down the wrong one. With family and friends miles away, the Internet is a lifeline to the outside world. Friends and family are just a click of the mouse away...AND so are our ex-lovers.

When we have trouble in our present relationship, it is only natural to think of what "could have been". We can dream and imagine that life would be so much better if we didn't leave our high school sweet heart. We wonder what we would be doing "if", and we wonder where they are now. Are they happy? Could they be free? Did they wait around for me? Through the World Wide Web we can find that special someone who once was.... AND we can reconnect. We can rebuild our lost relationship with sweet, silent words on a computer screen. We can share silent words that reveal only what we choose to reveal. We can send them the picture of us at our best, and receive the picture of them that they carefully choose. There are no fights over the 'caps being left off the toothpaste', 'or the toilet paper being rolled the wrong direction'. There are no fights, because you can discretely share what you would only have them to believe about you. You can bear your heart and soul. You can share your hopes and dreams, and laugh (LOL) and cry (:(), and even flirt (;)), and no one has to know but the two of you. Yes, you can rebuild a relationship with silent words that scream volumes...and you can have an affair. You can have this affair on the Internet with your spouse in the very next room. Not that it is a physical affair, (you justify), but an affair of the mind.... an affair of the heart... but an affair never the less.

In the past few months, many who I am close to have had their lives and their marriages ripped to shreds because significant others from their past showed up online and destroyed an already shaky present. When you think your current relationship has troubles, the last thing one should do is involve more bodies and souls in the mix. How can it end without people being hurt? How can things ever go back to being the same? There are no happy endings. It seems that everyone affected by the "Internet affair" have all been hurt and betrayed. The consequences are usually permanent because the "affair" was not stopped. Wives have left their marriages...first emotionally and then physically. Husbands have been neglected and looked for someone else to meet his needs. Children have been left fatherless, and parents have been left confused and baffled by what seemed to be innocent words on an inanimate object.

Friends...it's a gamble...a chance that can change a life (or many lives). When we reach out and pull our past into our present, we rearrange our future, and who knows what the future will become. The Internet is a wonderful tool, but the secrets it holds can change a future forever if one falls into the trap. Remember, Satan is the Father of lies, and he spends his time roaming back and forth in the atmosphere...among the airwaves...a silent wolf waiting to devour lives and destroy the very thing that God has made holy...marriage and family.

Words on a screen? Yes... Innocent? Never. Life changing? Forever! Are you prepared to accept the consequences of a secret and concealed life?

Fellow surfers, I am not condemning our new found freedom via the World Wide Web, but I am saying..."tread carefully and purposefully", for small choices can create large consequences. Consequences that last a lifetime.

"For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open. (Luke 8:17, NIV)