This week's feature article is the second in the series on mental illness. We wish to thank the many who responded to this to last weeks article. We have always known that this malady affects many families all over the world. Many of you shared the way you and your family coped with this illness. We especially appreciated your stories. As Norman mentioned, for a lot of families it is like the "proverbial elephant in the living room" which no one wants to admit. It has taken many years for Norman to be able to write about his situation and we realize how painful that is.

If any of you have sons or daughters that are planning to be married you will really appreciate Mikal's article this week. Even if your children are all married it will bless you in your own relationship. Share it with anyone you know who needs to re-evaluate their marriage union. It will cause you to stop and think about the meaning of "becoming one flesh." We were blessed to meet Jim and Mikal's son-in-law to be at a wedding we attended in Minden a few weeks ago. He is a very fine Christian man and he and Rachel appear to be very happy. Please pray for them as they start on this exciting journey called marriage.

Norman and Ann

As my mothers condition progressed, she withdrew from society, even in her rational periods. She had always been an active conversationalist. Gradually she lost interest in many subjects and sat in silence for long periods of time. Besides that, people were afraid of her. The county judge's son was one of our neighbors. The judge encouraged us to move. We felt a certain degree of ostracism. We did find acceptance within the Christian community. A wonderfully dedicated Christian woman visited her regularly as she grew older. During her "good" times she always made it to church, but she was no longer the social person I had remembered from early childhood. I went through all the growing up experiences that an adolescent normally faces. I didn't waste much time feeling sorry for myself and I didn't care much for the well-meaning do-gooders who told me they felt sorry for me. Two of my best friends lost their parents in a tornado when they were tots. At least I had a mother and a father. Unfortunately my father and I remained in ignorance concerning mental illness. No physician ever discussed her condition with me until very late in her life. My father shared very little of the information given him by those who treated her. So I remained in the dark, with a lot of unanswered questions. It was not until I enrolled in a graduate psychology course that I learned the name for her condition - paranoid schizophrenia. When I reached adulthood, I left home and really dealt with her condition only on an occasional basis. I went to college, married, went to graduate school and then spent most of the rest of her life living several hundred miles away from my parents. After Ann and I married, we often brought our children for a visit to my parents' home. More often than not, she would be in a psychotic episode when we got there. We had to balance a desire to have the children bond with their grandparents against our concern for their safety and well-being. They responded to her in different ways, but in time they developed a great love for her, though it was difficult for them to express it. They missed the opportunity to bond with a grandmother who bakes cookies, tells stories and plays games. Although they had that privilege with Ann's mother, we felt a sense of emptiness in terms of developing grandmother-grandchildren relationships. Ann actually dealt with her quite well. She had the advantage of studying behavioral medicine in her nursing training and recognized certain aspects of her behavior. On those rare occasions when my mother was rational, Ann would take her shopping and had the privilege of ministering to her in a significant way on the last day of her life. Life was very difficult for my father. Basically he coped with the situation by losing himself in work, but he remained loyal to her throughout his lifetime, which is more than many husbands in that situation are willing to do. I felt a certain sense of sadness because I felt such an enormous emotional distance from the person who gave me life. I went to their home and irritated her so badly she asked me to leave. While I knew her behavior was not rational, I found it difficult to handle. Earlier that year, she had undergone surgery for the removal of a malignant abdominal tumor. A month after she asked me to leave her home, her physician called. He said, "The cancer has return and has spread to other parts of her body. She has only days to live. You need to come right now, because she has reverted to rationality, but I don't expect it to last." I boarded a plane the next day and hurried to her bedside. She spoke with more enthusiasm than I had remembered in a long time. Over the next three weeks, we reviewed her life, came to grips with issues that had created emotional distance between us and we talked about dying. She showed no evidence of fear, whatsoever. When the cancer finally took her life, her doctor looked at me and said, "Norman, I can't explain why she was rational these three weeks. Consider it a gift from God." Indeed it was. NEXT WEEK: "Obstacles A Family Faces in Coping With Mental

My daughter began dating a very nice young man in September. By the week of Thanksgiving, I told my husband, "We are going to have a wedding by August." Well, it turns out the wedding will be in early May, and plans are well under way. Oh so many things to do. Call the caterer, do some painting in the house, plant flowers as it will be in our backyard, rent the tent and chairs, plan for music and give my daughter motherly advice every chance I get.

So I thought I would just write about the things I want her to know. want her to know the wedding is very important. We human beings are creatures of rituals. Here in America we have fewer rituals than many cultures, but we do have them. Even God has planned some rituals for us because they impact us with the meaning of a special occasion or passage. The marriage of two hearts, two bodies and two souls is an extremely important occasion and passage, and needs to be marked by a very special ritual. In Ephesians 5, Paul uses marriage to illustrate the relationship of Christ and the church.

So my dear daughter, in the wedding, promises are made and vows are taken in a solemn and exciting ceremony before God, your family and friends. Because of this your Dad and I are attempting to make your dream come true of a beautiful wedding to mark you and your betrothed becoming one. I want you to be impacted by the very deep meaning of marriage and the purpose of the wedding. These vows are not to be taken lightly, but create a new single entity only to be separated by death.

Child, I want you to know that in this wonderfully close relationship, God is going to grow you up. Oh, yes, you are 28 years old and so is he, but God is not finished with you yet. Relationships are the most important thing to God. He sacrificed all to bring you into a relationship with him. To make your marriage work, you each will be called on over and over to sacrifice, to die to self and reach out in love (agape) to the other. Ephesians 4 makes this very clear. Behaviors of agape are identified as humility, gentleness, patience, longsuffering and love. Verse 15 tells you that by "speaking the truth in love" you will "grow up" in all things. Ephesians 4:32 - 5:2 tells you to "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." Sometimes this growth will be very painful.

Rachel, I want you to know that your peace and joy is your responsibility, not the responsibility of your husband. As you are in this growing up process, you will learn more and more to lean on God as your comforter. I want you to know that Jesus is enough and he will supply your every need, remembering his greatest interest is your eternal inheritance. As you gain your strength from God and you give the behaviors of agape to your husband, you will be following the path of Jesus in Ephesians 5:2.

As your marriage grows you up, you will be moving from an emphasis on eros to an emphasis on agape. It is in this agape that you learn to revere Christ, and let your reverence for Christ be your motivation to love your husband.(Ephesians 5:21) Rachel, God will use your marriage to teach you about this love (agape) that surpasses understanding (Ephesians 3:19). Ed Wheat describes this love as "unconditional, unchanging, inexhaustible, generous beyond measure, and most wonderfully kind!" (Love Life for Every Married Couple by Ed Wheat) Out of this love will grow "joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." (Galatians 5:22,23) I can want no more than this for you as you step through your wedding into this most blessed relationship, conceived and guarded by God.

Norman has been preaching for almost 50 years. He feels that the message of the resurrection has been greatly neglected. In this weeks perception he addresses the reason that the resurrection of Jesus Christ is so important. You may read his thoughts