Last week we made the statement that next to God a loving and loyal family is our most important resource when we are coping with difficult but "normal" events in our lives. As Norman continues his articles on "Helping Families Cope With Mental Illness" it seems that a lot of extra support is needed during the times the mentally unstable person is in an episode of irrationality. But those are the times that many people turn away and stay away because they don't understand what's going on. Ann remembers when we would go to see Norman's parents that it was always a stressful time. Mom would get so excited about us coming, that even if she were on a more normal track, the excitement would lead her into an episode of irrationality. Going to visit 'in-laws' can cause you to be somewhat nervous, but when Mom was not herself that feeling increased drastically. This situation turned into a special time for the children. If we could all be like little children and love unconditionally it would eliminate a lot of stress. Our little ones accepted Mom like she was. They would stand by her chair and talk to her even though they couldn't understand what she was saying. They showed us how we should accept Mom. We still carry those precious moments in our hearts.

Two weeks ago Mikal wrote a wonderful article regarding the fact that her oldest daughter is getting married. Because the wedding is just a few short weeks away she has asked to be "off" of her writing schedule until the event is behind her. Since we've been through similar times we quickly agreed. We look forward to having her articles in our newsletter as soon as she has the time.

Norman and Ann

In last week's newsletter, we identified the following obstacles a family faces when coping with mental illness.

• Loss of parental and spousal bonding.
  
• Social ostracism.
  
• Guilt.
  
• Fear.
  
• Misunderstanding.

Some other obstacles faced by families include:

• Financial problems. Treatment for mental illness can be quite expensive. While its true that medications, hospital treatment, competent medical personnel and other resources are available, all of these come with a price. The person who is suffering from mental illness may not have the ability to earn money for survival. Financial hardship may come to every person in the family.

• Faith Challenges. Many people struggle to keep their relationship with God intact when mental illness invades the family. Why did God allow this to happen? Some misinformed believers seek to explain mental illness as demon possession. Mark 5 tells the story of a man who was possessed by multiple demons. After Jesus sent the demons into a herd of pigs, Mark reported that the man was in his "right mind." The whole subject of demon possession is a fascinating one, but it is beyond the scope of this study. Clearly demon possessed people did not behave in a rational way, but we leap too far in our conclusions if we imply that all mental illness is explained by demon possession. Nevertheless people do face legitimate faith problems. Those problems need to be recognized and faced with sensitivity.

• Disappointment. My mother's mental illness came and went. When her mind began to clear, her talk became coherent. Her attention to things like personal hygiene would improve. She began to devote her self to the normal tasks that we had all come to expect in happier times. The "sing-song" pattern of speech was left behind. She used a different vocabulary. She no longer spoke profane words. Even her word choices changed. Water from the sky was now described as "rain." In her psychotic state, it would have been "precipitation." Every time we observed the change, we desperately wanted to believe that it would last. It never did.

  She seemed be able to cope with life's crises very well. Later in her life she fell in a red ant bed and broke her hip. She stayed there from 10 o'clock in the morning until a neighbor found her about 5 o'clock that afternoon. The temperature hovered close to a hundred degrees in the heat of the day. When my dad left for work earlier that morning, she was completely irrational. When the neighbor found her, she was totally rational. By some force, unknown to us (perhaps divine intervention), she was temporarily delivered from her psychosis. We wanted to believe the trauma had jarred something in her mind that would "make her well." We bottomed out again a few months later when she reverted to irrational behavior. In the end all of our hopes for a "cure" were dashed. That disappointed us greatly.

• Distance. Because the person who suffers from mental illness behaves so strangely, family members often find reasons to be anywhere besides home. Home is not a pleasant place to be because home is not what you think of as a normal environment. My dad lost himself in work. I got involved with as many school activities and church activities as I could. Of course that leaves the suffering person at home alone. Sometimes there are threats of violence. When that happens family members may feel their safety is compromised. It's helpful to know that the Biblical concept of love doesn't always involve warm and tender feelings. Even so our Creator made us with a yearning for emotional closeness. Mental illness makes that very difficult.

• Confusion About Drug Therapy. Some critics characterize anti-psychotic drugs as "mind candy." While it is certainly true that drug treatment can be abused and it is equally true that drugs are often over prescribed, the fact remains that certain drugs are beneficial to certain mental conditions. I'm not trained in pharmacology and I would be in over my head if I tried to say very much about the subject. However, it should be noted that it's a knee jerk reaction to assume that all drug therapy is bad. We don't try to convince people who suffer from diabetes that they can throw their insulin away if they will simply display more faith or practice more mental discipline. Some mental conditions are caused by a chemical imbalance. It is not a wise thing to counsel people to abandon their medicine when the medicine can give them more stability. Unfortunately, patients are often the ones who decide they no longer need medicine. They, and their family members, suffer when they stop taking their medications.

NEXT WEEK: "Coping With Mental Illness in the Family

While going through my filing cabinet, I ran across some notes I made while attending a class taught by Carl Brecheen (not from a part of the Brecheen-Faulkner seminar). Carl shared the following definitions of marriage. I really don't know where he got them, but I thought you might like to see them.

• ·"An emotional fusion of two personalities into one while retaining individual identity."

• "A fellowship of repentance and forgiveness."

• "A covenant of responsible love."

• "A contract whereby persons who are sinful and contentious are so caught up in a dream and a purpose bigger than themselves that they work through the years in spite of disappointment to make the dream come true."