I hope all of you received our special message last week that we are going to cut back on the frequency of the AAF newsletter. Other responsibilities make it mandatory for us to cut back somewhere. We felt we could maintain a quality ministry in this way and free up some of our time by going to every other week.

This week we continue the series on mental health. We appreciate your comments. Some have shared their own stories and we are grateful for that.

This week Jerry Hodge, a friend and fellow minister, writes our guest article. Jerry relates a "honey-do" experience involving his wife Lori, with an important point about giving attention to important things without procrastination.

Norman and Ann

In previous installments, I sought to describe some of my own experiences with mental illness in the family. My mother's first episode with schizophrenia took place when I was twelve years old. She suffered with the problem until her death at age 72. I've also tried to describe some of the obstacles that other members of the family face. In this last segment I want to deal with coping.

• Acceptance. Family members are naturally inclined to deny the serious nature of the problem they are facing. When it first happens, family members consider it a temporary aberration. When the first episode subsides they are sure of it. It can be explained away as a dietary problem. In the early years of her struggles with sanity, my mother received a medical diagnosis of anemia. With proper diet and medication, the anemia was treated and her mental condition improved. Later on, we would learn that her schizophrenic episodes were cyclical. About the time, she put anemia behind her, she apparently cycled into a "normal" period. We figured the whole thing was caused by anemia. You really want to believe that, because anemia is treatable. When the psychotic episodes are repeated, you want to believe that your loved one is "going through a phase." My mother was in her late thirties. Many people told us stories about people who behaved abnormally during menopause. We clung to the belief that she would be all right once she got through "the change of life."

  Sooner or later, you have to stop denying the obvious and give up your rationalizations. Only then can you provide psychotic family members the kind of help they need. I have known some therapists who try to force family members to use words like "crazy" and "nuts" to describe their loved ones. Perhaps they think the use of these crude shock terms will help overcome denial. Personally, I think that's insensitive and a violation of the golden rule. Technical words like "psychotic" are tough enough to accept, but they do communicate the message is a more objective manner.

• Unconditional Love. This is the form of love modeled by Jesus. It involves self-denial and a willingness to act in the best interest of the person you love. It does not always require warm and tender feelings. It's pretty hard to maintain warm and tender feelings when a member of you family is behaving in ways that are violent and destructive. Sometimes the most loving act involves commitment to a mental health facility. As a minister, I've sat in on legal commitment hearings. Sometimes things are done which the patient resists, but which are actually in the patient's best interest. As a family member, you have to keep asking yourself, "What does my loved one really need?" and "How can I best show my love in this situation?"

• Learn What You Can About Your Loved One's Condition. Recently a friend of mine received a diagnosis concerning a chronic medical condition. He's trained in medicine, but his knowledge is not a comfort to him. People keep offering assurances, but says, "Unfortunately, I know too much about the condition." Some people may think that "ignorance is bliss" when it comes to coping with the mental illness of a family member. In some cases, the truth is very difficult to accept because it suggests a long-term battle with no permanent cure. Personally, I don't think ignorance is a friend in this kind of circumstance. While there may be no permanent cure, there may be medical or psychological solutions that can bring relief. In our situation we knew very little about my mother's condition. We could observe her behavior, but we had no idea about the causes or even a prognosis. I did not even know the name of her condition until I reached college. While the truth can be brutal, truth also enables us to know what we are facing and gives us an opportunity to develop a strategy.

NOTE: Next week we will conclude this series with some additional suggestions for coping.

The other day Lori had a conversation with a friend who is moving. She listened as her friend discussed all the things they had to do to the house before they could sell it. New paint (paint covers a multitude of sin), new carpet, new hot water heater-the list went on. If you are a man and reading this article you are nodding your head in agreement. It is natural to fix up a house to sell. Do you know what Lori heard? They are fixing up their house for other people to live in. "Why couldn't they fix the house for themselves to live in?" Then the question I was afraid of; "Jerry are we going to fix up our house before we sell it?" Now this is a question you need to think about before you answer. After a while I answered, "I do not ever plan to move."

Today Lori has a new perspective on our house. In Theological terms she is experiencing a paradigm shift. Each room she enters she discovers opportunity for improvement. I am a little paranoid now when she looks at me. Her thought is to fix our house up for us to live in. Her thought, however, is a little better than her husband's corners which reacted to each other like the same poles on two magnets. The Republicans fit better with the Democrats than my corners. Lori said just the effort had made her feel better. I hope so because I no longer have enough molding to do the bedroom.

Now for the point(You thought I had forgotten to give you one). Here it is: Lori is right! Why do we wait to do what we should? Right now we need to spend time with our children. Right now we need to visit and spend time with our parents. Right now we need to live a life of improvement. Right now we need to open our eyes to the brokenness around us. You can be assured they will appreciate the effort!

Nearly every news broadcast feature some new information concerning the struggles taking place in the Roman Catholic church with respect to pedophilia. In the midst of al this, the Supreme Court of the United States struck down a law the would control child pornography Norman weighs in with his thoughts on the subject