We are sending the current newsletter out early. We plan to leave for our vacation on Monday and we want to make sure you get the newsletter. I was especially touched by Mikal's report of the things she saw in the clouds on a recent airplane flight. We haven't looked at the clouds enough recently. We hope to enjoy some of God's great scenery in Northern New Mexico over the next few days.

We conclude our series on Guidelines for Fathering. All our previous articles have really been pointing to this one. We believe that it's important for each person to "own" their faith. You can only do that when you are willing to encourage a seeking spirit. We hope you'll consider our thoughts on the subject.

We want to highly endorse Mikal's thoughts about "frenetic activity." She has touched on a nerve that concerns us very deeply. Too often churches are part of the problem when they should be part of the solution. Our son, Jim, works in children's ministry. Jim recommends that parents restrict their children to ONE extracurricular activity away from schoolwork and church life. It may sound radical, but it makes a lot of sense in today's world.

People often request permission to reprint our material and we are always honored by it. We've stated our policy before, but in case you aren't aware of it, we want to repeat it. Our policy on reprints is very simple. You may reproduce anything we write if it is not marketed commercially. The one exception to this policy is when an article is copyrighted. Very few articles are copyrighted. Articles that are copyrighted have been copyrighted by the authors and we publish them with their permission. If you want to use a copyrighted article, you will need to contact the author. We would appreciate if you would send us a copy of the materials in which you reprint our articles.

Norman and Ann

In our three previous installments I suggested that God is the perfect model of fatherhood. We are exploring concepts of fathering based on the following texts.

Matthew 6:6

"But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

Matthew 7:7-8

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

This installment concludes our study of fatherhood based on the example of God. In our most recent episode we critiqued the parental practice of indoctrination. We suggested that indoctrination is not achieving the desired result of making sure our children honor the faith into their adult years. In this final installment we ask you to consider the advisability of teaching your children how to think as opposed to teaching them what to think.

Don't misunderstand me. We do have to pass along information. We do have to give them resources. We do have to equip them. That goes all the way back to Deuteronomy 6. But the assumption that repeating the right words will guarantee faithfulness is a false assumption because it leaves out an important component of fatherhood that Jesus spoke about in our text. Those who find are those who SEEK. You don't encourage seeking when your sole approach to nurturing is making sure you say the right words.

Many us have a problem with control. We may not realize that indoctrination is one of the ways we exercise control. Sometimes when grown up children turn away from the faith, they're not really resisting God. They're resisting the parents whom they perceive to be the controllers of their lives. The Bible has been one of those clubs. When they grow up they say, "you're not going to use that club on me anymore." To encourage a seeking spirit, we have to abandon our plan to give our children a list of ready-made answers for every life situation. Instead we need to teach them how to think, how to evaluate and how to recognize the difference between good ideas and bad ideas. I'll have to admit that's scary. Sometimes I don't like what I hear from my children - even to this day. Because I think I've done a fairly reasonable job of being approachable, they're bold enough to tell me things I don't want to hear. When I hear that, I catch myself thinking, "How dare you say that to me? Don't your understand that I have a degree in Bible and you don't? I've done graduate study in Bible. I've heard all these arguments you're making and I've rejected them and you've got the audacity to say to me, 'Dad, I don't agree with you on that?'" I don't say those things, but those kinds of thoughts do crop up in my mind.

When I calm down from my knee-jerk reaction, I realize they're developing their own faith. We wouldn't be talking if they weren't thinking. And I remember that Jesus said "seek and you shall find." It's a wise father who understands that God honors the seeking spirit. It's a wise father who will let go of his desire to be in control long enough to encourage his children to think for themselves and forge their own faith, even when you have to shake your head in disbelief every now and then. You say, "Isn't that risky?" Of course the answer is, "Yes, it is." But it may be even more risky not to encourage seeking.

There is one other part of the text that I haven't mentioned. Jesus said, "knock and the door will be opened." When the Bible uses the word "door" in a figurative sense, it is almost always a symbol for acceptance. That's what grace is about - it's God opening the door to us to give all those good gifts he wants us to have. Grace is the reason we are drawn to our Heavenly Father and does it not follow that an earthly Father needs to show his children an example? We need to be kind, forgiving, accepting and anxious to give a blessing to our children.

That's the way God responds to us. It cost him dearly to make that response. He had to allow his Son to go to a place called Calvary so the he could open the door when you and I knock. So why are we reluctant about knocking? He invites us to call Him Father. That is precisely what He wants to be. J. I. Packer put it so simply and yet so accurately when he said, "a Christian is one who has God for a Father." Is he your Father? If you're a father and you're not a Christian, the greatest gift you could possibly give your child (children) would be to accept God's invitation to let Him become your Father.

I was stunned. She was 17 years old. The two previous nights there had been large gatherings of teens at her home. Now she was standing in the middle of an amusement park making plans to go to a movie for the evening. I have watched this child quite up close and personal for all of her years. Her life has been spent running, literally, from soccer to basketball, to flute lessons, to leadership groups at church. With all of this running there has not been a decent movie or prayer group that she has missed.

I am concerned that we will all see entirely too soon that she has not learned to be content with herself or to participate in and enjoy rich relationships. One day she will have to come to terms with the fact that the world does not revolve around her. This will likely be learned at a very high price.

William J. Doherty, Ph.D. of the Family Social Science Department at the University of Minnesota gives us information about the cost of "overscheduled family hyperactivity and the consumer culture of childhood." This information can be found at under Research. He examines the loss of quality family time over the last 20 years and following are his concerns:

In the last 20 years ---

* Children's free time has declined 12 hours per week. Specifically their playtime has decreased by 25% and unstructured outdoor activities have declined by 50%.

* Structured sports time has doubled and what Doherty calls passive, spectator leisure (other than television) has increased five times. Watching sports is an example.

* Family activities have decreased at an alarming rate. Family conversations have decreased by 100%. Those who say they have regular family dinners have decreased by 33%. There is a 28% decrease in the number of families taking a vacation.

One writer is concerned that we are losing our creativity as a culture because we have no down time to wonder, marvel and ponder. At

the writer in NEWSWEEK 2002 states, "Perhaps we are creating an entire generation of people whose ability to think outside the box, as the current parlance of business has it, is being systematically stunted by scheduling."

In Doherty's book, TAKE BACK YOUR KIDS, he identifies insecure parents as the culprit of a nurtured and cohesive family. The children of insecure parents know their parents love them, "but they also know that their parents are unsure about what to require of them and how to say 'no' to them," says Doherty. He continues, "These children become the center of their own insecure universe."

My oldest grandson is 7 years old. I remember his mother talking about reading of a child's need to explore the out of doors. We began to talk about wanting him to be "dirt smart." The other day I was flying home from a conference. There were those white, cottony, fluffy clouds all around. I saw an alligator with his mouth wide open, Donald Duck and a small poodle dog begging on his hind legs. I thought, "I can't wait to see my little Justin (the 7-year-old) and lie in the yard with him to look for some of our friends." That is a date I plan to keep.

Note: "Frenetic activity" is a term used by Doherty in his book, TAKE BACK YOUR KIDS

"The other night I had a dream that our country took God out of the Pledge of the Allegiance. All of a sudden things started to change. I guess the correct word is evolve. Soon CEO's, CFO's, and COO's of large firms started hiding information so they could make money at the demise of their employees." You can read the rest of Jerry's article