There are so many things going on in the world today that bring us both concern and sadness. The war in Iraq affects all of us in some way. For us it means concern for our oldest son, Elliott, who is a Lt. Colonel in the Army and stationed at the Pentagon. Also our concern is for the safety of our son-in-law, Greg, who is now serving in Iraq. Our whole family is affected by the needs of these two men. And there are so many other families that have concern and sadness for events in the Middle East. For many of them it is deep grief for the loss of loved ones. We pray that these families know how much we share their grief and how deeply grateful we are for the huge sacrifice they have made.

For the past few weeks we have followed the meeting of the Episcopal Church and the decision to appoint an openly gay clergyman to the office of Bishop. Many of the leaders and lay people in the Episcopal churches do not agree with what has happened. These people have verbalized openly their concern and sadness regarding this issue. Because our Newsletter is all about families and family values we felt the need to address what has happened.

As usual, Mikal's article hits close to home. We need to read it with open minds and then ask the question "Am I showing up for my marriage?"

Norman and Ann

The problems of the Episcopal Church have dominated the news over the past few weeks. For us the decision to appoint an openly gay clergyman to the office of bishop is a sad one. We are not Episcopalians and have limited understanding of their church dynamics. We have friends in the Episcopal Church and we value those relationships. According to our local newspaper, many of the Episcopal church leaders in this area disagree with the decision of the larger body. Not only do we share their disagreement, we feel sadness along with them.

All About Families is devoted to family values. We believe marriage is the linchpin of the home. We agree with the president of the United States when he said, "I believe marriage is between a man and a woman, and I think we ought to codify that one way or another," We do not believe it is in the best interest of our families to legitimize same sex marriages.

Some pundits have suggested the majority of the American people wish to do so. The sanctioning body of the Episcopal Church wishes to discount scripture as a means of determining right and wrong. Paul Martin, an Episcopal clergyman in our area, lamented the decision of his denomination. He said, "It's not about an openly gay priest or blessing same-sex marriages. It's about what authority does Scripture and traditional church teaching have in the Episcopal church." We do not believe morality can be decided by public opinion. We are also distrustful of tradition, but we have a very high view of Scripture. If it does not define right and wrong, we are truly adrift in the world without a moral compass. The issue goes far beyond the spectacle of the world being allowed to see the how Episcopalians behave when they disagree. The issue comes down to how you decide what's moral and what isn't.

If you trust scripture, the message is clear.

Leviticus 18:22
22 "'Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable." It is interesting to notice that the prohibition against homosexuality occurs in the same context as prohibitions against incest and bestiality.

Matthew 19:5
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh"? Jesus left no room for same-sex marriages.

Romans 1:26-27
"Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion."

1 Corinthians 6:9-10
"Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."

Those are not obscure texts. Their meaning is beyond legitimate questioning. We didn't write them. Either people who were inspired by the Holy Spirit wrote them or men who were expressing their own opinions wrote them. We find that latter option unacceptable. If they were just the opinions of the writers who wrote thoughts that are no longer viable for our time, then how do we trust them on anything else? The same Bible that teaches us to love one another teaches us that homosexuality is wrong. Do we simply choose those texts we like and reject those we don't want to hear? Again the issue is not homosexuality. The issue is the place of Scripture in our thinking.

One more thing. God does not give us commands to complicate our lives. When God asks us to do something that's unpleasant in the short run, you can be sure it will be best for us in the long run. We do not believe in bashing gays. We believe in loving them with the love of Jesus, but we also believe it is in their best interest to repent of their homosexual behavior. Norman and Ann

by Mikal Frazier, LMFT, LPC

I recently heard author and marriage counselor, Pat Love, Ph. D., speak of "showing up" for your marriage. What she meant was be there, participate in it, invest in it, contribute to it, validate that it is and that it is important to you. A couple of years ago Jim and I participated in a His Needs/ Her Needs workshop. At the first session we were each asked to tell in five words what we wanted to accomplish in that workshop. With a six-word introduction this is what I said: "I want Jim to know that HE IS IMPORTANT TO ME."

With several responsibilities, which require much of my time, I frequently need to plan to carve out some time for Jim so I can "show up" for our marriage. This is connection that I always enjoy, but too often I can let the urgent eat up all the time for the important. I think this is what happens to many couples. Then when difficulties do arise in the relationship, there is no investment that can energize the sorting through of a problem or real reconciliation.

Gary Chapman offers good information on "showing up" for your marriage in his book The Five Love Languages. He calls this expressing "heartfelt commitment to your mate." Here he identifies five ways in which we either express love or want to have it expressed to us. Those ways are acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, and physical touch. Attempting to identify your mate's love language and then using that language to convey your affection for your mate is an excellent way to "show up" for your marriage. When we express heartfelt commitment to our mates, we are "showing up" for our marriage.

Some years ago, John Trent and Gary Smalley wrote The Blessing. In this book they describe the five elements of the blessing as given from Isaac to Jacob. Later Smalley and Trent apply these five elements to marriage. The question is asked, "How well do you give the blessing to your mate?" Are you giving messages of value, support, a goal for a bright future and a willingness to sacrifice to accomplish this bright future with your mate? This is another excellent way to "show up" for your marriage.

Making investments in relationships is the most rewarding thing we can do. Willard Harley, author of His Needs Her Needs, writes about making deposits in your partner's love tank. This is exactly what you are doing when you "show up" for the marriage. You are communicating with your partner in such a way that you are investing in the relationship.

God "showed up" for us when he sent Jesus to reconcile us to him. And he continues to show up for us through the Holy Spirit (Comforter), the grace we continue to receive, and the intercession Jesus continues to make for us on our behalf.

Find ways, little ways, and big ways, to give messages of connection, commitment and value to your spouse. Show up. "It's your marriage so be there, intentionally!"

Unknown Author

How many friends do you have? Really true friends that you can count on no matter what? Have you ever lost a dear friend over some trivial action on yours or on the other person's fault? Hopefully, this brief article will touch your heart as it did ours. You may read the whole article