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This month, we continue our series on "Keeping Marriage Alive When You're Old." The Bible has a perspective on aging that is much different from American culture. We thought it would be helpful to take a brief look at the Biblical perspective on aging, especially as it relates to marriage.

If you're a parent we highly recommend Mr. Jim's article "The Battle Belongs To The Lord." To put it mildly Jim's observations are eye opening. Our son, Jim works full time in children's ministry and has a deep passion for the welfare of our children. You'll soon discover that he's a no-nonsense, cut-to-the-chase kind of person. He takes after one of us, but we'll let you try to figure out which one. You've got a fifty per cent chance of being right.

Norman and Ann

by Norman and Ann Bales

A few days ago we visited with a local physician. He is a native of the country of India, who maintains a healthy curiosity about American attitudes and customs. At some point in our conversation, he spoke about American attitudes toward older people. He said, "Americans treat their elderly people as if they were a burden. In my country the older people are honored and respected." And so it is in many other cultures.

Faith Baldwin, the novelist, recalled, "My paternal grandmother, who spent many years in what is now called Old China, used to tell me in what reverence the old were held. Ever Chinese girl ruled by her mother-in-law, yearned to be old, a matriarch, the venerable and absolute boss lady." - from, "My Crabbed Age." Today's Health, March, 1976.

As Christians, we frequently turn to the Bible to determine our attitudes and beliefs. The doctor's comments on aging helped us to understand that American attitudes about aging fail to mirror concepts taught in the Bible.

In Bible times aging was not looked upon as a disease. The following texts speak admiringly of old age. Numerous others could be cited, but for the sake of brevity, we limit ourselves to the following references.

Job 12:12

Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?

Psalm 92:12-14

The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the LORD, they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green.

Proverbs 16:31

Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

Proverbs 20:29

The glory of young men is their strength, gray hair the splendor of the old.

It really doesn't say a lot in detail. Older husbands and wives aren't considered anachronisms. When a couple survives into old age, their relationship is considered as normal as any other marriage. Most of the time when issues arose among older married couples it involved things like disagreements over birthrights (Isaac and Rebekah) and a short sighted view of what God could accomplish in the lives of an older married couple.

Abram, later to be known as Abraham, was born when his father was 70. We have no idea about his wife's age. We really don't know anything about how old Abram was when he married Sarai, later to be known as Sarah. We know that she was about ten years younger than Abraham and that she remained childless through the normal childbearing years. This is most important because an ancient wife's worth was defined by her fertility.

Sarah was probably around 65 when she and Abraham left Haran. Think of it. God sent them on a mission without any tangible guarantees of support at a time when twenty first century people are obsessed with retirement benefits and Medicare eligibility. They had no idea where they were going. Sarah probably never saw her relatives again. The two of them pulled up stakes and set out on a new adventure together in the sunset of life. They lived a nomadic life in the Middle East and the years passed swiftly. Sarah was well past the age of child bearing when God opened her womb and Isaac was born. Their marriage was still alive and vibrant when both of them were well past the century mark. Abraham was 127 when Sarah died.

The New Testament records the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth. When the angel of the Lord approached Zechariah, the old priest said, "I am an old man and my wife is well along in years" (Luke 1:18). Old or not, the previously barren Elizabeth gave birth to a child, John the Baptist. No one said, "Oh what a pity; John will be forced to grow up in a home with old parents who have forgotten what it was like to be a child." You have to wonder what John's teen years were like. Far from feeling sorry for this most unusual trio, the people celebrated. "When it was time for Elizabeth to have her baby, she gave birth to a son. Her neighbors and relatives heard that the Lord had shown her great mercy, and they shared her joy" (Luke 1:57-58).

In the case of Abraham and Sarah, and also in the case of Zechariah and Elizabeth, it seems that their marriages were fulfilling in their later years. In fact you could make a credible case if you claimed their senior years were their most satisfying years.

The Bible isn't entirely positive about aging. In Ecclesiastes 12 the writer warned of the time when "the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, 'I have no pleasure in them'" (verse 1). In the rest of the chapter he paints a picture of old age. Old men no longer stand up straight. Their teeth fall out. They can't hear well. He draws a morbid picture of debilitation and assumes that life is meaningless. How did he get to be so cynical?

Many scholars think Solomon wrote the words of Ecclesiastes 12.

It's important to remember that Solomon was the ultimate polygamist. According to 1 Kings 11, he had 700 wives and 300 concubines. That within itself ought to be enough to drive a man to distraction. We have enough problems trying to manage conflict resolution in one marriage. We can't comprehend what it might have been like when 700 women were married to one man. But it wasn't just that. "As Solomon grew old, some of his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been" (1 Kings 17:4). His own indulgent life style and his poor decisions about marriage relationships sapped his enthusiasm for life. As he aged, his dissatisfaction escalated. He felt the disapproval of God as his empire disintegrated. Whether he wrote Ecclesiastes 12 or not, it is safe to say that his declining years were not peaceful years.

We cannot deny the fact that the human body regresses toward a condition of frailty in old age. Husbands and wives have more medical problems than they used to. Eventually their relationship will be severed by death. The Biblical accounts of marriage in old age suggest that we still have choices concerning our relationship.

1. We can choose to dwell on our infirmities, turn pessimistic, give way to complaining and make each other miserable. We revisit all the hurts and slights and blame each other for our mutual unhappiness. Is it really productive to play the game of "My story is sadder than yours."

2. We can deny the encroachment of old age. We can pretend that we're not aging. We can get caught up in the youth culture and try to make ourselves appear young when we are not. Or like Solomon, we can turn away from God and our spouses' best interests. If we do, we'll end up embittered and hostile.

3. We can choose to believe that we still have an opportunity to grow. If we accept the premise that the Holy Spirit is still active in human lives, our relationship can be enhanced despite declining health. Barring the return of Jesus within the space of our lifetime, it is certain that death will ultimately end the relationship. But if we have prayed together, worshipped together and grown together, we'll look forward to a joyous experience in heaven. Jesus taught that there is no marriage or giving in marriage in heaven, but if we have contributed to each other's spiritual growth, think how marvelous heaven will be when we share it together throughout all eternity.

by Mr. Jim (Jim Bales)

• The average American child spends 38.5 hours a week watching TV, movies, videos, and playing computer and video games. In a Christian home, an average child spends 1/2 hour a week in Bible study or worship including church attendance.

• The average kindergarten graduate has already spent 6,000 hours watching television. The same kindergartener has participated in 400 hours of Bible study and worship with her family/church.

• By the sixth grade, the average child will have watched 100,000 acts of violence on TV.

• More than 90% of kids 10-17 have recently watched an R-rated movie on video or in the theater. 79% watched with their parents! (I quizzed some of our church kids recently and found that one of their favorite movies was "Matrix")

• According to research, about $2 billion was spent in 1998 on advertising directed strictly at children.

• Children diagnosed with ADD/ADHD have increased almost 500% since 1989. (…could this be related in any way to the above stats?!)

What's a Christian parent to do besides PANIC? It is your duty & privilege as a Christian parent to protect your kids from the dangers of this spiritual battle being waged against them. Believe me, this is incredibly spiritual, and it's all out WAR! Satan wants your sons and daughters, but remember they already belong to GOD!

Moms & Dads, It's time to fight! It sounds really hard to do sometimes. But it's really not. Pray! Then, try this little exercise--turn off the TV. Yikes! Don't rent that movie. "R" means wait 'til your 17! Don't buy that computer game. No way! (Remember that getting your kids to like you is not part of your job description.)

I know, I know, you're thinking, "Mr. Jim, you don't have kids and you don't understand!" You are right. Parenting is so much easier on the outside looking in! What I do understand is that you would never do anything to intentionally hurt your children. You love them too much. If I told you that you could dramatically improve your kids spiritual and emotional health by being more intentional about what goes in their eyes and ears and mind--would you be interested? You Can!

I'm reminded of a memory verse I learned at 4th grade Bible camp. "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things." Philippians 4:8. That's a simple formula. Cut it out of this article right now and post it on the refrigerator.(Mr. Jim wrote this for their church bulletin. Since you can't cut it out, jot it down and post it.) If something the kids want to do doesn't pass this test-no one gets to do it. Let Paul the apostle be the Fall Guy--he wrote it not you! I can't wait to hear your battle stories and see the victories that God will win through you and your kids!!

Check out these cool resources for parents to help you in the war:

www.screenit.com - a FREE website that gives very detailed movie reviews.

www.almenconi.com - Al Menconi is the pioneer in educating Christians about the effects of media on kids and teens. I've heard him several times. He reviews movies, games, music, & TV. He has a weekly e-letter that is always informative and FREE!

www.Rosemond.com - You know what a fan I am of John Rosemond!!!

www.familytv.com - Feature Films for Families is a great resource for family movies and they aren't hokey!

by Jerry Hodge

Once again we feel compelled to share something written by our good friend Jerry Hodge. Jerry addresses the subject of grace. We struggle to overcome the belief that salvation is performance based, yet at the same time we are keenly aware of the inadequacy of our performance. It will be well worth your time to read Jerry's thoughts