The AAF Newsletter is mostly about practical help for the family. We leave most of the cultural, societal and legislative issues to other forums. However, we feel compelled to make a brief comment on the gay marriage controversy. The Massachusetts Judicial Supreme Court has chosen to define marriage as an "evolving paradigm" as an explanation for legalizing marriages between same-sex couples. We strongly disagree. Marriage is not an "evolving paradigm." It is the oldest institution of the human race. God started by saying, "For this reason a MAN will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife" (Genesis 2:24). Verse 22 unmistakably describes the wife as a WOMAN. The Bible simply does not leave room for same sex marriage. We are much more inclined to listen to the Bible than the Massachusetts Judicial Supreme Court. We fear the battle over same sex marriages is going to get ugly. However, we have greater fears for the stability of society if such marriages become the accepted norm in the general population.

In today's issue we highlight the importance of learning to share. Mikal's article focuses on the vital issue of parental example.

Norman and Ann

A friend of ours was reviewing his successful climb up the corporate ladder. At that point he was the executive vice-president of a fairly large company and later moved up the ladder to company president. He was grateful for his prosperity and gave God credit for his successful career. As he reflected on his life, he realized that he and his family enjoyed financial prosperity beyond his wildest expectations. Then he offered this comment. "Despite all the material blessings we have now, I don't think my wife and I were never happier than we were in our early days of marriage when we could afford one CokeŽ and two straws."

Shared Happenings

Our most satisfying life experiences are shared happenings; our most disappointing experiences are those events, which occur in isolation. Several years ago I flew to the South Pacific to work in a missionary project. Ann was unable to go with me. My route took me through Honolulu, so I arranged to spend a couple of days in Hawaii before flying on to my destination. When I boarded the airplane in Los Angeles, I noticed I was the only person traveling alone. When I arrived in Honolulu, I rode a bus to my hotel where I enjoyed luxurious lodging near the beach at Waikiki. I walked the streets and saw no one except myself walking alone. I discovered a wonderful Chinese restaurant and dined in the company of myself. I arranged to go on sight seeing tours but I was the only person taking any of the tours by myself. I rented a car and drove around on the island of Oahu, but my only company was the friendly announcer on the car radio. I decided that Hawaii is an exciting place to be but you don't enjoy it much unless you share it with somebody. I'm sure Ann had trouble feeling sorry for me when I complained that I didn't enjoy Hawaii very much without her companionship. You can rest assured that if I ever make that trip again she will be at my side.

God created marriage to provide an opportunity for intimate sharing of experiences in the context of a lifetime commitment. In Genesis 2:18, God said, "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." From the very beginning of the marriage relationship it has been understood that marriage is a living arrangement in which sharing takes place. From a Biblical perspective shared activities among married couples include prayer (1 Corinthians 7:5; 1 Peter 3:7), love and respect (Ephesians 5:25-33; Colossians 3:18-19), setting examples for each other (Titus 2:3-8) and mutual sexual fulfillment (1 Corinthians 7:1-4).

Sharing may involve both joy and sorrow. Although Paul was clearly applying the body metaphor to the church in 1 Corinthians 12, his analogy surely describes husbands and wives when he wrote "If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it (v. 26). The Ephesians passage suggests that it's possible to interchange the metaphors that describe church relationships and marriage relationships. In Genesis 2:24, when two people enter into a marriage relationship, they become "one flesh."

Ours Not Mine

If we understood that concept, we would be much less territorial with our marriage partners. Couples would stop fighting over "my money" and "your money" because it would be "our money." Throughout most of our adult lives we had separate careers. I was in ministry and Ann was a registered nurse. To be honest, I never mastered medical terminology, but I visited the operating suite where she worked and supported her work as much as I could. Don't let your imagination run away with you. I never actually assisted with an operation. In fact I never saw the inside of the operating room except for those rare occasions when I was a patient. When you look at the other side of the coin, my ministry has really been our ministry. When I was younger I observed ministers who sat on the front pew until it was time to preach while their wives sat further back and attempted to monitor the behavior of their children. Early on I decided I wanted to sit in the pew with my wife, to share the parenting responsibilities and to hold her hand when we prayed. I didn't leave my pew until it was time to preach. That's a characteristic that permeates our entire approach to ministry. That's why the AAF Newsletter is a joint project.

Then there are those domestic tasks. Sometimes married couples have a difficult time assigning tasks, "Who is going to take care of the checkbook?" "Who is supposed to take out the trash?" "Who is going to prepare dinner and clean up the kitchen when both partners work outside the home?" "Who will weed the flowerbeds and mow the lawn?" Most married couples struggle to define these roles and dozens of others. But if we'll think of these projects as joint responsibilities, we'll blame less and enjoy working together more. In our personal arrangement, I'm the guy who carries out the trash. To be quite honest, I was less than enthusiastic about accepting that responsibility in the early years of our marriage, but it's part of my regular routine now. It's probably not my favorite task, but I don't complain about it either. I accept it as an opportunity to make a contribution toward order in our home. Last Spring, when I was in the hospital for ten days, Ann had to take over that job. She also did it without complaining. Many years ago I decided that learning to cook would probably contribute toward my long-term survival. I'm not a gourmet chef, but to date Ann hasn't thrown food away that I prepared for her. She's even complimentary. When she's sick, I take over in the kitchen and we are not in danger of starvation.

But we also share our sorrows. When each of our parents died, we both felt a sense of loss. Both of us have faced some serious health issues. At no time has either one of us said, "Well I'm sorry you've got that problem. Too bad about you. I'm going to go on with my life and you'll just have to fend for yourself the best way you can." We've both been there with sympathy, assistance and concern. Actually I get the better end of the deal. Ann is a retired Registered Nurse, so I get an extra portion of TLC (tender loving care). "They Do Not Love Who Do Not Show Love"

William Shakespeare once wrote, "They do not love who do not show their love." Love is shown when a young, money-strapped couple drinks one bottled soft drink with two straws. Love is shown when one partner gets out of bed in the middle of the night, helps the other one into the car and drives to the emergency room. Love is shown when a husband and wife grieve together over a wayward child. Love is shown when either or both partners are willing to make themselves uncomfortable to meet the needs of the other and thereby improve their relationship. When we care about one another and we display that care through concrete actions, we give the emotional side of love a chance to grow.

"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred and one day, so I never have to live without you." Winnie the Pooh. It's possible to feel that way, when you concentrate on mutual service.

"Let parents bequeath to their children not riches, but the spirit of reverence." --- Plato

Are we ignoring "a growing crisis in the 'authority structures' of American society?" Stephen Lazarus in A Publication of the Center for Public Justice

Today, counting my children-in-laws, I have nine descendants. There is the very great possibility that there will be more. The writers of the book The Gospel According to Generation X quote the percentage of 45%, nearly half of our children will leave the faith they have been taught. Other researchers have significantly higher percentages of our young people who will leave the church, somewhere around 60% - 80%. This is the risk of the spiritual battle that is raging in our world. This is a risk I want to do everything within my power to minimize in my family. I must understand the enemy and how he works if I am to be successful in this goal.

In America our children are well educated, understand and use the latest technology, and are very comfortable materially compared to children in the rest of the world. Yet suicidal tendencies, mental illness, depression and drug abuse in our teens are filling up the counseling offices and hospitals of our country. Many parents are wringing their hands in an effort to calm themselves as they watch their children in a downward spiral.

Recent research released by Dartmouth Medical School, The Institute for American Values and the YMCA shows that America is experiencing "a growing crisis in the 'authority structures' of American society." This study found that one in four of our children is at great risk for "never achieving productive adulthood." The researchers did not just identify the symptom, but set about to identify the problems causing such failure. It should be no surprise to Christians that the findings of these researchers dovetail completely with God's word. First, for children to thrive and become responsible citizens they must have a strong sense of belonging. Studies of the human brain have shown that we are "hardwired" to have close connections.

The second finding of this research was that children, like adults, need to know they are part of something greater than themselves. They must have a connection to a spiritual presence. This report from the Center for Public Justice states, "When both belonging and belief are absent, children are more likely to experience physical, emotional, and spiritual crisis."

Mom and Dad what you must take from this is that you have a responsibility to first give your children an unshakable sense of belonging in your family and, secondly, you must impart to them a saving faith, an active belief in Jesus as the Son of God. This faith is the authority that gives structure and purpose to your world and theirs. These two essentials will arm your child for the battle we all must confront in this fallen world.

Our children will imitate us. Just as Jesus said in John 14:9, "Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father," this same pattern can be identified in our own children. They must see us participating and belonging to a community of believers and they must see us valuing that spiritual connection. They must see that we revere that spiritual connection and the God who is the author of it. They must see that it makes a difference in our lives, that it determines how we lead our lives and how we treat others. They must have the experience of their parents yielding to a higher authority.

They must also see the comfort we claim in having a heavenly father who is described in Psalm 103. When we are aware of our belongingness to him, we will live with an endless sense of gratitude because of the redemption from the "pit" we have received and with the fullness of being crowned with "love and compassion" (v. 4). When we as parents find security in such a heavenly father, we will also duplicate this pattern with our children. We will give to them the security and unconditional love (agape) that is described in Psalm 103.

Out of this fullness we can give our children the sense of belonging and the faith that is essential to their eternal destiny. Mom and Dad, the future of your children rests on your shoulders.

Remember the American Taliban, Johnny Walker? His very sense of belonging was shattered with the divorce of his parents. He was raised in a permissive manner and those experts exploring how he came to be where he was, believe he joined the radical wing of the Islamic faith because he wanted the structure this authority gave him. This gave him security.

Mom and Dad read again Psalm 103. Look for the sense of belonging given to us in this scripture. Also find the essential authority structure. Striving to pattern yourself after the perfect Father provides the belonging and faith that are essential to raise children fit for the battle.

by Norman Bales

Do you ever wonder how God could love each and every one of us and yet still manage to run the rest of the universe? For example, what is He doing right now for the planet Pluto? How much can we know? How much do we need to know? And how much should we be satisfied at not knowing? Some of these questions are addressed at