As things stand right now, our lives will be altered significantly on August 1. When we wrote the series on marriage adjustment for older couples a few months ago, we didn't realize that our own circumstances were about to change. If everything goes according to plan, Norman will become a part time worker on August 1. He has been a constant full time employee of the church throughout most of our married life. It's hard to remember a time when he worked on a part time basis. It goes all the way back to the early days of our early years together when Norman divided his time between construction, going to school and weekend preaching and this only lasted three months. As we contemplate the changes in our lives, we thought our analysis of our challenges might be helpful to some of our readers. If you've got help to offer we'll take that too.

Norman and Ann

We don't like to think of "retirement." That word isn't a part of our normal vocabulary. We think of it as the "R" word, a term that we've declared off limits in our domestic conversations. Retired guys wear checked shirts that don't match their pants and weird looking hats. They can't understand why Clark Gable and Jimmy Stewart aren't making movies any more. And if you tell them that their favorite actors now occupy real estate on the underside of the grass, they'll ask, "Oh when did that happen? I haven't heard about it."

They get discounts on cokes and coffee at McDonalds. They have their own menu at Denny's. They long for the good old days when Eisenhower was president. When they visit the barbershop, they look for barbers who specialize in crew cuts. They wonder why Chet Huntley and David Brinkley stopped doing the news on NBC and speculate about how long this new fellow, Brokaw is going to last. Retired people think contemporary music is going to be the ruination of the country. They don't like the sounds they hear in the church service any better. How can society survive the assault on our eardrums by the likes of Neil Diamond, Barry Manilow and Andy Williams? Bring back Bing Crosby and the big bands. They think "In Sync" describes what the timing belt does for a car engine. Recently a friend of ours, who is younger than we are, received a DVD player for Christmas. When they opened the gift his wife asked, "What is a DVD?"

That's not us. Retirement sounds like disengagement and we don't want to become disengaged. We remain enthralled with the wonders that God has created in our world and with the opportunities for service that lie before us. However, we're beginning to recognize that this transition will require facing some new challenges. We're not sure how we're going to handle it, but as we view it we have both assets to maximize and hurdles to overcome.

Assets:

• A strong belief system. Our faith has sustained us through the rocky spots in our lives and kept us humble in our victorious moments. It remains intact and we expect to continue growing spiritually. We're reminded of Paul who said, ". . .Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:13-14).

• Friendship. We are each other's best friend. We enjoy being in the presence of each other. Our friendship sustains us through trials and grows when we enjoy happy times together.

• A loving family support system. We've got great children, who love us deeply and grandchildren whom we adore. Even though they are scattered across the United States, they're as close as the telephone. Sometime we talk about serious issues and at other times we like gabbing about stuff that really isn't important.

• A caring church family. They will still be there to support us economically, spiritually and relationally

  Challenges:

• Economic challenges. Nobody ever has enough money to retire. A friend once asked, "If I can't pay my bills now, how am I going to make it on half the money?" Our new situation will require alterations in life style, tighter budgeting and reduction in discretionary spending.

• Time management. We'll either be dealing with too much time on our hands or not enough time. We've already planned several home improvement projects, but we aren't very realistic about how much time we will actually have to get those accomplished. On the other hand, we will definitely be seeing a lot more of one another. There may be some days when Ann will wish that Norman were going to the office. We'll have to learn the secret of spending more time with one another without getting on each other's nerves.

• Health Challenges. Health problems are the natural consequence of aging. We already know that when we "catch" something it generally lasts longer and feels worse than it used to. We will need to expect the reality that we will need to alternate caregiver roles throughout the rest of our productive lives.

• A Vision For the Future. It's our impression that many older couples have no dream for the future because they think the productive portion of their lives is behind them. To us, it seems like they are merely marking time between now and death. We don't agree with that approach. We may need to modify some of our dreams. We're probably not going to train for marathons and we don't plan to run for political office, but we do have a future and want to live our lives fully for the rest of our sojourn on this earth.

That's how we see things right now. You might want to check back with us in a year or so to see how we're doing with it.

"The object of all instruction is to call forth that love which comes form a pure heart, a clear conscience, and a sincere faith." 1 Timothy 1:5 (20th Century New Testament)

I will never forget the time I asked a father to express to his 12-year-old daughter what he liked about her. We three sat in hurtful, wounding silence. The father could not name one thing he liked or appreciated about her. It was a horrendous moment. No wonder the child was acting out to the point of setting mattresses on fire. Her pain was deep and piercing.

Mom and Dad, the most important thing you can teach your child is love. This love does not come naturally. It must be learned. Your child will learn to love and be lovable by the unconditional love you shower on your each of them. We learn this from the perfect teacher of love. 1 John 4:19 tells us, "We love because he first loved us." In 1 Thessalonians 4:9, Paul writes "...for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other."

Today, too many children are being raised without the knowledge that they will be loved no matter what they do. Children's psychiatrist and author, Ross Campbell, says, "A child is the most needy person in our society and his greatest need is love."

Do you remember from last month's article that one in four of our children are at great risk for failure? Not feeling genuinely loved, as the little 12-year-old in the example above, is the most significant contributor to this failure. In RAISING FAITHFUL KIDS, Paul Faulkner writes "There is a tide of unloving families coming 'down the pike,' who are passing family dysfunction from generation to generation."

In LOVE IS A DECISION, Gary Smalley identifies four elements that are at the heart of conveying this message of unconditional love. They are:

1. . Deep-seated security: With deep-seated security the child learns to trust, the very basis of any relationship.

2. Meaningful conversations: These give value and worth to the child. You become interested and make it a point to really get to know your child. In another book he says, "Research your child."

3. Positive emotional times: We must choose to be content, to have joy. Perfect love produces joy. You must communicate to your child that you delight in him.

4. Positive physical touching: The late and distinguished family therapist, Virginia Satir, says "Everybody feels skin hunger throughout their lives, and unless that hunger is satisfied by touching, there is a vital void in the emotional makeup that is going to cause deep unhappiness."

These four elements produce warm and affectionate homes. Paul Faulkner states, "Warm homes breed children who are less denying, defensive and unsure of their worth."

One text I have introduced for this study is Psalm 103. From this psalm we learn of the perfect love of the perfect father. Go through this psalm and read all the reassurances of love the Father has for us. It is awesome!!!!

Moms and Dads, the greatest thing you can teach your child is love. Your teaching will be enriched and strengthened if you teach at the same time the perfect love of the perfect Father.

Your children must understand the love of the Heavenly Father.

In the book AGAPE by Nelson M. Smith is a verse written by an obscure Jewish rabbi many years ago. Perhaps this verse will help you to impart an understanding of the love of the Heavenly Father.

"Could we with ink the ocean fill;
Were every blade of grass a quill;
Were the world of parchment made;
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love
Of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor would the scroll contain the whole
Though stretched from sky to sky."

"AND NOW THESE THREE REMAIN: FAITH, HOPE AND LOVE. BUT THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE." 1 Corinthians 13:13

by Dr. Rubel Shelly

Much has been said about Mel Gibson's controversial film, The Passion of the Christ. Rubel Shelly's review and response to charges of anti-Semitism are some of the best-reasoned thoughts on the subject we have read. We have reproduced his review