All About Families, December 20, 2006> </head> <body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="CC0033" alink="#FF3366" vlink="#990000" text="#000000"> <table cellspacing="10" border="0" width="100%"> <tr> <td align="center" colspan="2"> <img src="current_title.gif" height="87" width="473" alt="All About Families"> </td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="top" width="125"> <a href="./"><img src="home.gif" vspace="3" alt="Home Page" border="0"></a> <a href="previous.html"><img src="previous.gif" vspace="3" alt="Previous Issues" border="0"></a> <a href="subscribe.html"><img src="subscribe.gif" vspace="3" alt="Subscribe" border="0"></a> <a href="message.html"><img src="mb.gif" vspace="3" alt="Message Board" border="0"></a> </td> <td> <center>  Volume 11 Number 13 <img src="current.gif" width=125 height=35 border=0>   December 20, 2006  Norman Bales, Editor </center>  <h3>CONTENTS</h3> <ul> <li><a href=#visit> JUST VISITING</a> <li><A href=#feature>FEATURE ARTICLE: CHRISTMAS PAIN by Norman and Ann Bales </a> <A name="visit"</a> <center><h4>Just Visiting</h4></center> Songs of the season are playing everywhere. They sing of joy, laughter, good times with family and a special time for remembering. But many times none of these songs or thoughts apply to those who have lost love ones just before the holidays. This really hit home when in the past few months four young soldiers from this area have lost their lives defending freedom for our country. New mothers with new babies are facing the holiday without their husbands and their babies will never know their fathers. Parents are grieving over the loss of their sons. Many other family members and friends all share in that sorrow. As we thought about that, it reminded us of just how much grief there is around this time of the year. But it also reminded us to count our blessings. In this article we offer some suggestions of how to deal with grief during this season of the year. But these ideas are just a few of the many ways we can cope with our pain. If you are not among those grieving, stop and offer a prayer for those who are and then take time to reach out to them with a touch, a hug, a note, a phone call or a rose. May we remember God's blessing be upon all of us not just during this season but all through the year. Ann <center>* * * * * </center> <center>CHISTMAS PAIN</center> by Norman and Ann Bales Having ministered to church families over the last fifty years, I've become convinced that the death rate increases just before and just after Christmas. Whether my premise is correct or not, no one can deny the fact that grieving is especially difficult at this time of year. I'm reminded of a line from an old Merle Haggard song, I don't mean to hate December. It's meant to be a happy time of year. That's just the problem. All year long we look forward a happy time, but death steals our joy. As Christians we understand that our believing loved ones are in a better place. We keep telling each other that. That's exactly what we should do. Paul advised the Thessalonians to comfort each other by anticipating the resurrection (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18). On the other hand, our hope doesn't immediately heal our pain. Jesus assured Martha that her brother would rise again, but that didn't stop her grieving (John 11:23-24). Even knowing that he would also be resurrected, did not ease his pain as he stood at the grave of his dear friend Lazarus, and wept. Recently I stood at a graveside and heard a minister express the view that death is a friend. I don't agree with him. Scripture regards death as an enemy (1 Corinthians 15:26). Joseph Bayly spoke for many of us when he said, "There is something unnatural and grotesque, even wrong about death." _<cite>The View from a Hearse</cite> If you've lost a loved one during this Christmas season, you're going to have a tough time thinking, "all is merry and bright." The empty chair, the silent voice, the absence of a familiar face are all unspoken reminders of our pain. If your Christmas celebration is dampened by grieving maybe you'll find these suggestions helpful. <ol> <li>While you don't want to spend the whole season trying to get others to feel sorry for you, it's helpful to verbalize your grief. Allow others who are grieving with you to verbalize their grief. That can be encouraging for each of you. <li>Don't try to deny the memories. It's o.k. Think, "I wish I could eat Mama's pumpkin pie one more time." "I sure miss my husband's roar of laughter when he opened a gag gift." Maybe you'll want to laugh at some memories. It's not disrespectful. <li>Don't punish yourself with "if only" statements. You may be thinking, "Why didn't I buy Dad something he could use, instead of getting him those ties he never wore?" Or "Why did I buy my wife an electric can opener when I knew she wanted a nice smelling fragrance?" We can't undo the past, and it's not helpful to keep "woulda, shoulda, coulda" thoughts alive. <li>Make an emotional investment in someone else's life. If you're feeling sorry for yourself, then allow yourself to feel compassion for a person whose situation is more difficult than your own. There is a much-repeated quotation we've all heard at one time or another. "I felt sorry for myself because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet." Maybe you ought to think about pushing the wheel chair for the person who has no feet. <li>It is important for you to spend time with friends and loved ones. A touch, a hug, a note, a card, a single rose, helps others to share your grief. During a time of grief we need more touches and a lot more hugs. <li>As we look to our ultimate reunion around the throne of God, we can be glad that our loved ones are not confined to the weaknesses of the flesh, to hospitals, wheelchairs, oxygen tanks, and caskets. "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" (2 Corinthians 4:18).</ol> If you're grieving, we don't have any magic words to take away the pain of Christmas, but we can tell you that God knows your pain. He's sympathetic to your pain, and He's there to bring healing to your wounded heart. <center>* * * * * </center> If you have questions about marriage and family relationships, you can "ASK THE COUNSELOR." Address your questions to Mikal Frazier. Her address is <a href="mailto:mikal@allaboutfamilies.org">mikal@allaboutfamilies.org</a> Norman's e-mail address: <a href="mailto:nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org">nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org</a> Tell your friends they can subscribe by sending a blank message to <a href="allaboutfamilies-subscribe@welovegod.org>subscribe@welovegod.org</a>. If you would like to be taken off this newsletter mailing list please send a blank message to <a href="allaboutfamilies-unsubscribe@welovegod.org"> unsubscribe@welovegod.org</a> Southern Hills Church of Christ 9080 Southwood Drive Shreveport, Louisiana 71118 (318) 686-2190 E-mail: Norman Bales: Norman's e-mail address: <a href="mailto:nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org">nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org</a> Ann Bales: <a href="mailto:ann@allaboutfamilies.org">ann@allaboutfamilies.org</a> Mikal Frazier: <a href="mailto:mikal@allaboutfamilies.org">mikal@allaboutfamilies.org</a> "Jim Bales"<a href="mailto:jbales@prcoc.org">jbales@prcoc.org</a> Web:<a href=mailto.allaboutfamilies.org/>allaboutfamilies.org</a> <a href=mailto:allaboutfamilies.org/sh>allaboutfamilies.org/sh</a>