Robert Quillen was a journalist and humorist in the early part of the twentieth century. He left behind many quotable lines, but this has to be among the best

There's no way to make life work without forgiveness. We've all been offended, and we've all committed offenses. There's no way to receive forgiveness from God without graciousness. Jesus said, "…if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:15).

In the latter part of Ephesians 4, Paul identifies several Christian behavior traits that are the polar opposites of Gentile practice. The last quality he discusses is forgiveness. "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (32).

The necessity of forgiveness cannot be rationalized, compromised, explained away, or avoided. It's one of those practices that sets Christians apart from the secular counterparts.

Marriage provides life's most practical workshop for the development of a forgiving spirit. So how do we make it happen? Here are a few practical suggestions.

1. Don't go to bed angry. We know you've heard that one before. Touch and affirm before you go to sleep. You'll sleep better and things will look better in the morning.

2. Don't be too proud to apologize. All husbands and wives do and say thoughtless, cruel, inconsiderate, and self-serving things. "I'm sorry" doesn't make it right, but neither does stonewalling.

3. Give a little. To us a relationship between two married people becomes a bond between two good forgivers when both are willing to give up opinions, plans, dreams, and ideas about how to do things. If you approach marriage with the "my-way-or-the-highway" attitude, you're probably going to see lots of asphalt.

4. Forfeit the right to be right. Someone recently asked, "Aren't most marriage disagreements about money?" We'll concede that money is often the excuse for battle, but the war is over who's right. If we could be a little more interested in "what's right" and "what's workable" we might be surprised how much our marriages will improve.
5. Don't be so hard nosed. We both admit to stubbornness, but when we cling to our hardheaded assumptions, we shut down helpful communication. There's a part of Paul's instruction we sometimes overlook. He said, "Be kind." Kindness is not an indication of weakness.

We don't guarantee our suggestions to work. But how well is your current communication style working? If you're at such an impasse that no one will budge, no one will admit to being wrong, no one will apologize, and no one seems to care, you might want to develop a different game plan. We think ours has potential. Who knows? Maybe the two of you will become good forgivers.