Robert Lewis' passion for helping fathers guide their sons into real manhood is the memory of growing up in a home with an "invisible" father. The book includes a picture of the older Mr. Lewis and his sons. The three boys appear in the foreground. The father is on the right, his face covered in shadows. He saw that as a case of art imitating life. He said, "Dad dwelt in the shadows of our family all our lives. He was always a mystery to us…hard to see, hard to feel, hard to draw from."

Lewis has obviously researched the subject of medieval knighthood. He concluded that there were three sources of manhood for young knights: community, capacity to provide rites of passage, and family.

Lewis carefully defines manhood. He rejects the concept of manhood that defines a man as a hard cussing, hard drinking, hard fighting tough guy. Instead a son who learns what it means to be a man will display the following qualities:

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• He will reject passivity.
  
• He will accept responsibility.
  
• He will be a courageous leader.
  
• He will expect the greater reward.

No father will be able to stimulate a healthy sense of manhood unless he is able to communicate a code of conduct to his son. But how does a father do this? Lewis answers the question.

1. He must set a godly example.
   
2. He must teach spiritual truth.
   
3. He needs to share stories that illustrate bravery, courage, and sacrifice.
   
4. He will reinforce the will to obey through affirmation, attention, and discipline.

In the most unique and practical part of the book, Lewis wrote about the manhood ceremony. An effective manhood ceremony won't take place if you simply jot down a few notes on Friday night, invite some guys to a cookout on Saturday, and speak a few off the cuff comments at the cookout.

If you're a middle class American, plan on this ceremony costing you some money. Even if you live at the poverty level, it will cost you something in terms of energy and sacrifice. In two previous posts I mentioned that our grandsons ceremony involved a year of planning on the part of his father and the purchase of an authentic soldier's armor. The cost doesn't equal the national debt, but it isn't cheap. This was done in order to impress the truth of Ephesians 6:10-17 on the mind of my grandson. It involved air travel for several family members who participated in the ceremony.

Of course you don't have to do the Roman soldier model, but you do need to think about important symbols. Families will probably want to customize the ceremony to fit their circumstances. In our case, our son is a career military officer. Our grandson has been exposed to the military culture throughout his entire life. The soldier model seemed right for us. Some develop a family crest in order to provide a lasting reminder of family history and to encourage responsibility in the family. One family researched heraldry and developed their family crest to reflect their values.

Other suggestions include the following:

1. Invite several influential men to talk with your son about different aspects of manhood. In our case, we scattered out along a quarter mile path, and as our grandson got to our station we presented him with a piece of armor. We then talked with him about the meaning of the armor as he walked to the next station.

2. Plan a surprise gathering in the woods. This works well when fathers and sons are avid outdoorsmen. The young man will be surprised by the various men who show up to talk with the young knight-to-be about what it means to be a Christian man. Afterwards they may enjoy some expensive steaks. Give a powerful and meaningful gift. In a family of hunting enthusiasts, the father talked with his son for a while and then presented him with an "over and under" shotgun. He observed that manhood is a little like the shotgun. It is powerful, and it can be used for good purposes, but is also capable of destruction.

3. Plan a trip to a cabin in the woods. One cold night a father drove his son to a wooden bridge that spanned a river. He asked his son if he would like to become a man. When the boy agreed, his dad said, "We've got to walk the rest of the way to the cabin." After they crossed the bridge friends began to greet them. Each one shared thoughts about what it's like to be a man.

4. Have friends write "welcome to manhood" letters. One father asked several friends and relatives to contribute letters. For 16 consecutive days leading up to his son's 16th birthday, he gave his son the letters. On the last day he presented him with a significant gift.

At what point in a young man's life should such a ceremony be conducted? There is no one answer to that question. Lewis considers age 13 an ideal time because it generally coincides with reaching puberty. But other times could include high school graduation, college graduation, and even marriage. Our grandson's ceremony took place near the time of his 18th birthday.

The book concludes with a discussion of the knight's legacy. Lewis returns to the subject of character building, which is what this whole process is about. The most important blessing a father can offer is his example. Fathers must be role models.

Finally, Lewis offers a word of encouragement to fathers who think they blew it. He wants them to know that it's never too late to start being a dad.

Certainly our family has been blessed by the content of the book. If you are a father of sons, you will make a wise investment if you'll buy the book, read it, and implement the suggestions.

Norman L. Bales