February 13, 2008
Norman Bales, Editor
CONTENTS
- JUST VISITING
- FEATURE ARTICLE:
Military MarriagesJust Visiting
Servanthood never gets on the radar in the lives of many contemporary Americans. It's not even all that popular in the Christian community. A few years ago I wrote a book on servanthood. It was promptly rejected by more than thirty publishers. So my friends might say, "What did you expect, Bales? You're not the writer you think you are. Don't you know writers have to live with rejection?" But then there's the editor who said, "You've done an excellent job. Unfortunately, the subject of servanthood isn't all that marketable these days." He's right. I checked amazon.com, and I found only 37 books that addressed servanthood from a Christian perspective. When I typed in "success," I got more than 600,000 results. I got 32,000 results when I typed in the word "assertiveness."
To promote servanthood in the family is a formidable challenge for all Christians. Today I want to share a few thoughts on that subject.
Norman
* * * * * LEARNING SERVANTHOOD IN THE HOME by Norman Bales
We see self-centered behavior in the marketplace, in the workplace, in the school, and the church. The home may be the last environment in which we've still got a chance. So how do we go against the flow and encourage servanthood inn our families?
I want to suggest three important servanthood guidelines that need attention in our families.
- An authentic relationship with Jesus is the starting place. There's a difference between performing acts of service, and being servants. People who would never think of devoting their entire lives to serving can perform acts of service. In his book, Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster wrote, "When we choose to serve, we are still in charge…. But when we choose to be a servant, we give up the right to be in charge…. We become available and vulnerable" (132). That's exactly what Jesus did. He said, "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many" (Mark 10:45). The apostle Paul surely described the life of a servant when he said, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me" (Galatians 2:20). If you want the members of your household to become servants, that's the starting place. But how do you teach the concept of servanthood.
- Example is your most powerful communication tool. That works positively and negatively. Charles Swindoll wrote a wonderful book titled Improving Your Serve. He tells a story that illustrates just how vulnerable we are to the allure of self-indulgence. He and his son had gone canoeing with some other men. While they were waiting to receive instructions from their guide, Swindoll noticed that some of the canoes were newer than others. He urged his son to move close to the new canoes so they would be sure to get one of them. On the way home, they blew a tire on their van. Changing the tire was a hot, dirty job. They also had to remove all their gear in order to gain access to the spare. Swindoll volunteered to direct traffic. They were on a little used country road, and not one vehicle passed their way during the time they were changing the tire. All of this took place under the watchful eye of his son. Of that experience he wrote, "It was not until the next day that it dawned on me that I was being selfish in any of this" (33). Swindoll looked inwardly and realized he was "discipling his son in selfishness."
- Servanthood starts with the way you think, and so does self-indulgence. When our children were small and there weren't enough dollars to feed and clothe them the way I wanted to, Ann could create miracles with a frying size chicken. She cut it up into several pieces, and always reserved the liver and gizzard for herself. No one else challenged her for them. My favorite piece was the pulley bone, and the kids could have anything they wanted after that. One night our daughter said, "Daddy, why can't I have the pulley bone?" I handed the pulley bone to her. I wish I could say that I did a noble thing. Actually I gave it to her because she pushed my guilt button. We have to move beyond guilt- tripping if we're going to teach servanthood in our families. Self-denial has to become a way of life. On the other hand, Ann didn't think she was making a sacrifice when she asked for the liver and gizzard. Over the years she developed a taste for them. I think that's what a parent has to do - develop a taste for self-denial.
Servanthood is a wonderful thing. No one would dare attack it, but it's so tempting to ignore the demands of servanthood. The easy path is the way of self-indulgence, but he way of the self-denying servant is more satisfying, and if we're genuine servants, the likelihood that our children will also choose that path is far greater.
* * * * * If you have questions about marriage and family relationships, you can " ASK THE COUNSELOR" Address your questions to Mikal Frazier. Her address is mikal@allaboutfamilies.org
Norman's e-mail address: nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org
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allaboutfamilies.org/sh* * * * * - An authentic relationship with Jesus is the starting place. There's a difference between performing acts of service, and being servants. People who would never think of devoting their entire lives to serving can perform acts of service. In his book, Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster wrote, "When we choose to serve, we are still in charge…. But when we choose to be a servant, we give up the right to be in charge…. We become available and vulnerable" (132). That's exactly what Jesus did. He said, "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many" (Mark 10:45). The apostle Paul surely described the life of a servant when he said, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me" (Galatians 2:20). If you want the members of your household to become servants, that's the starting place. But how do you teach the concept of servanthood.