March 18, 2008
Norman Bales, Editor
CONTENTS
- JUST VISITING
- FEATURE ARTICLE:
Military MarriagesJust Visiting
Today was the beginning of the sixth year for the war in Iraq. Many families are involved in this conflict. Some family members are in the military serving their country and protecting our freedom in many parts of the world. Recently our focus has been on the situation in Iraq. But we have troops in many other parts of the world striving to keep the peace in those places. Places like Korea, Afghanistan, Germany and other countries. Hopefully the figures in the article by Jelinek cover all of these areas and the families involved. This is of interest to us because our son is a Colonel in the Army. But it should be of interest to every American. Military personnel separated from their families struggle every day with wanting to be with family, and yet they and their families are willing to make the sacrifice to keep us safe and free.
In today's article Norman gives some ideas of why the divorce rate is so low. Perhaps we could gain a wealth of encouragement to all our families if we did a job as good as the military.
Ann
* * * * * MILITARY MARRIAGES by Norman Bales
Conventional wisdom suggests that the stresses of long wars in Afghanistan and Iraq would escalate the divorce rate among military services personnel. According to an article recently published by the Associated Press, conventional wisdom is wrong. The article, written by Pauline Jelinek, indicates the annual divorce rate among all service personnel holds steady at about 3.3 percent. Given the amount of stress placed on military families, this is phenomenal.
Several factors keep the divorce rate low.
- Team work. In one sense of the term you can say that service personnel belong to a larger family. They are there to support and encourage one another. Our son is a colonel in the U. S. Army. As an officer, he feels a sense of responsibility toward personnel under his command, and to their families. Our daughter-in-law, Melanie, is heavily involved in providing support and encouragement to the families of service men and women. They don't adopt a "hands off' approach when family crises arise. If someone in their group has a problem, it's everybody's problem.
- Family Support Programs. Every branch of the service offers workshops, groups, retreats, and encouragement for relationship building. They address conflict management, quality of life, health care, housing, child care, schools and many other issues.
- Family "Covenant." This is an army program concerned with a wide variety of facilities and resources to help improve the quality of life both overseas and in the United States.
- The Person Who Stays Behind Steps up to the Plate. Perhaps this is the reason women in the military have a much higher divorce rate than the men. Maybe the guys who stay here don't take care of business at home the way they should. I cannot say enough about the contributions our daughter-in-law makes to family life. If the plumbing is going to break, or if there's health crisis, or if there is a school difficulty, it will happen when our son is somewhere "saving the country." She steps in and gets it done. I am amazed at her resourcefulness.
It occurs to me that we could all learn something about handling marriage better, if we would take an objective look at military families. There are some horror stories to be sure, but there's more good news than bad.
* * * * * If you have questions about marriage and family relationships, you can " ASK THE COUNSELOR" Address your questions to Mikal Frazier. Her address is mikal@allaboutfamilies.org
Norman's e-mail address: nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org
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Ann Bales: ann@allaboutfamilies.org
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"Jim Bales"jbales@prcoc.org
Web:allaboutfamilies.org
allaboutfamilies.org/sh* * * * * - Team work. In one sense of the term you can say that service personnel belong to a larger family. They are there to support and encourage one another. Our son is a colonel in the U. S. Army. As an officer, he feels a sense of responsibility toward personnel under his command, and to their families. Our daughter-in-law, Melanie, is heavily involved in providing support and encouragement to the families of service men and women. They don't adopt a "hands off' approach when family crises arise. If someone in their group has a problem, it's everybody's problem.