CONTENTS

• JUST VISITING
• FEATURE ARTICLE:
  Marriage After Your Golden Anniversary (3)
  'Tis the Season for Memories

  by Norman and Ann Bales

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  Just Visiting

  In just a few days, we'll be celebrating Christmas. We're excited about this year's Christmas for many reasons, not the least of which is the opportunity to share quality family time. As we advance in age Christmas changes. We haven't had our entire family together for Christmas in many years, and that's understandable. After all, they have families of their own. We've had a few Christmas celebrations with no one but the two of us. Actually they were fun. We decided that there was no rule that said we had to eat a traditional holiday meal. I grilled steaks in the back yard. What a great memory. One of the worst things we can do is to think Christmas has passed us by. We don't think that way. Who knows what new traditions we may start this year. We won't be grilling steaks, but we're going to enjoy the season. We hope you do too.

  Norman

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  Marriage After Your Golden Anniversary (3)
  WHEN I GROW TOO OLD TO DREAM
  'Tis the Season for Memories

  by Norman and Ann Bales

  "It was the best of times and the worst of times." Charles Dickens' famous opening line in A Tale of Two Cities seems especially applicable to older couples during the Christmas season.

  It's the best of times because it brings happy memories to the forefront. We recall the special foods, the special visits, the special gifts, the good times with family and loved ones. Memory is a powerful tool. It can become the catalyst for renewal. We may have gone through long periods of neglecting each other. The memory of that special Christmas, when we were so much in love and much alive, may awaken thoughts that have lain dormant all year long. It's a time when we have an opportunity to renew our commitment to unselfish caring acts and making sure our relationship is still in a growth mode. Yes, Virginia, there is still life among married people who have spent a half-century together.

  It's the worst of times when it brings unpleasant holiday memories to the forefront - the loss of a loved one during the Christmas season, the insensitive comments that ruined Christmas a few years back, the disappointments because things weren't perfect. Maybe it was during the Christmas season that layoffs were announced or maybe you heard your parents were divorcing. Those negative memories are just as powerful as the positive ones, but it's important to make sure they don't control our attitude especially during this time of year. It's a time to be thankful that you have each other. Some of your friends won't be celebrating the holiday with a spouse. Celebrating holidays after the death of a spouse is very difficult. You can strengthen your own relationship by reaching out to them and making sure that they don't have to spend the time alone.

  It's the best of times because we have an opportunity to focus on the birth of Jesus. After all, it was at his birth that the shepherds were told, "…a savior has been born to you (Luke 2:10). The marriage bond is deeper and stronger when husband and wife are both committed to the Savior. It's an opportunity to think about, talk about, and to be challenged by the fact that God became flesh and lived among us.

  It's the worst of times when one spouse is deeply committed to the Savior and the other could care less. It's sad because Christmas night could be a time of encouraging and reinforcing each other's faith. Instead it becomes a reminder of the wall that separates husband and wife. This Christmas would be the perfect time to tear down that wall. It would be a great blessing if the spouse who has resisted the Lord for so long would reach for the hand of the Savior. In so doing you could draw closer to the one you share your life with so that your relationship and commitment will be renewed. That would be the greatest gift for both of you.

  As we age, memories intensify. Our memories are not always accurate barometers of the past. We tend to embellish the pleasant memories and imagine the past to be more glorious than it actually was. On the other hand, we may take a depressing view of the past, selectively remembering the painful details of the hurts and slights we experienced, whether real or imagined.

  Perhaps the worst mistake we make is assuming that all the good Christmas memories are in the past. We hope you'll make some good new memories this year. We certainly plan to do just that. Please join us.

  (To Be Continued)

  If you have questions about marriage and family relationships, you can " ASK THE COUNSELOR" Address your questions to Mikal Frazier. Her address is mikalmft@bellsouth.net

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  Central Church of Christ
  1500 First Avenue NW
  Cedar Rapids, IA 52405
  (319) 362-1540

  E-mail:
  Norman Bales: Norman's e-mail address: nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org
  Ann Bales: ann@allaboutfamilies.org
  Mikal Frazier: mikal@allaboutfamilies.org
  "Jim Bales"jbales@prcoc.org
  Web:allaboutfamilies.org
  allaboutfamilies.org/sh
  

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