CONTENTS

• JUST VISITING
• FEATURE ARTICLE: "But Nannie's Fun"
• WHAT OTHERS SAY

  · About Grandparents' Maturity
  · About the Purpose of Grandparents
  · About the Unselfishness of Grandparents
  · About Spoiling Grandchildren
  

Last week, I shared some thoughts with you about grandparenting. I see grandparents playing an important role in connecting their grandchildren to the significant events and happenings of the past. We can't really explain our identity to anyone without establishing some link with the past - where you were born, where you lived last, etc. Grandparents have a remarkable opportunity to enrich the experience of their grandchildren.

Grandparents also pass along values and that's an important part of a Grandparents role. I asked Ann to reflect on some of her own experiences with one of our children's grandmothers, an unforgettable lady affectionately known to them as "Nannie."

On Monday, Ann and I will begin a series of family oriented messages in Danville, Illinois. We will be talking about "God's Plan for the Family." Our specific topics are

• Monday - "The Role of Fathers"
• Tuesday - "The Role of Mothers"
• Wednesday - "The Role of Grandparents"
• Thursday - "The Role of the Extended Family (Blended Families)"
• Friday - The Role of the Church

Norman

by Ann Bales

The bonding that takes place between grandparents and grandchildren is second only to that with their parents, and in some cases may exceed it. As I think back to my own parent's skills and grandparenting attributes, I realize that many of my ways of parenting and grandparenting came from them.

I have three siblings, two sisters and a brother. Mama was our best friend. She was happy, fun loving and a beautiful Christian example. She was a wonderful cook, spotless housekeeper, a good wife and she took time for us and our activities. She did not work outside the home until after Daddy died, so she was always there when we got home. I remember her getting up and coming to my bedroom at night when I'd get in from a date or activity, to see if I wanted to talk about the events of the evening. She wasn't nosy; she just loved me and that was one way she showed it.

My Daddy was more serious, but he, too, liked to have fun. I learned how important it was to help others in a time of need from him. He was a dedicated employee, worked hard and climbed to the position he held when he died, even though he had limited education. He wanted us to get all the education we could. He and Mama made many sacrifices for us to do that. He loved the outdoors, spending lots of time fishing and hunting. I still love to fish and be outdoors and it is because of his example, I'm sure.

All of these attributes carried into their grandparenting skills. They were always there for the grandchildren. They took care of my sisters two boys when they were young, while she went to beauty school and then while she worked. They were always buying things for the grandchildren that the parents couldn't afford and sometimes these were basic needs. They loved to spend time with the grandchildren doing things that the kids liked to do. Daddy loved sports and was always involved in some way, if nothing more than a spectator with all the boys and he loved to take them to games. Our oldest son was only three when Daddy died, but he still remembers "Papa" in a special way. Daddy always wanted a granddaughter, but he had five grandsons when he died. Our daughter is the only granddaughter in the family, but she missed the love and influence he could have given her.

After Daddy died, Mama went to work outside the home, but she always found time for the grandchildren. After she retired, she always went with us on vacation and would just come for a visit and spend several weeks. She stayed a vital part of their lives until her death in 1985.

Our children have many fond memories of Nannie, as they called her and often when they are together will share those memories. One in particular that we like to share is the time that Elliott, our oldest son came home from school bemoaning the fate of several of his friends during the summer. He was really feeling sorry for his friends because they were going to spend several days with their grandparents and he seemed to think it was going to be a terrible situation. I asked Elliott why that was so bad. "You don't ever complain about having to spend time with Nannie," I said. "Oh, that's different," was his reply. "Nannies fun." Since becoming a grandmother almost thirteen years ago, that has been my goal. I want my grandchildren to remember me as my children remember Nannie. I would like for them to look forward to spending time with Grammy, because "Grammy's fun."

I've used the word "memory" quite a lot. I'm not a person who lives in the past, but I would not be where I am now were it not for the stairway of the past. My mother and father were important links to my present relationships with my own grandchildren even though my parents were dead before my grandchildren were born.

In the 105th Psalm, the Psalmist says in verse 1 "Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done." (Notice the past tense). Through the balance of that Psalm he recalls past events in the history of the nation of Israel and he concludes in verse 45 by saying that God has done these things, "that they might keep his precepts and obey his laws." Throughout the Bible, history is used as a means to call on God's people for repentance and reform, to strengthen them in their moments of weakness and to inspire them to greater heights of zeal. What is true of nations is true of families. My parents and my grandparents provided me a bridge to the place where I now stand and I'm working on extending the bridge to my grandchildren.

• About Grandparents' Maturity: "Grandparents who know how to back off when circumstances warrant, are truly a gift. They are of special help when they can be available but not pushy, on call but not always present, helpful, but not obvious." - Myron and Mary Ben Madden.

• About the Purpose of Grandparents: "Grandparents are for sprinkling stardust into the lives of their grandchildren." - Alex Haley

• About the Unselfishness of Grandparents: "Grandparents who can give without remembering, without counting the cost, and without reminders are the grandparents who honor the Lord." - Donald and Bea Campbell

  About Spoiling Grandchildren: "I'm convinced it is as proper for grandparents to spoil their children as it is completely improper for their children to do so." - John Rosemond.

If you have questions about marriage and family relationships, you can "ASK THE COUNSELOR." Address your questions to Mikal Frazier. Her address is mikalfraz@aol.com

Norman's e-mail address: nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org