CONTENTS

• JUST VISITING
• FEATURE ARTICLE "APPEARANCE DOESN'T TELL THE WHOLE STORY"
• "HOME SCHOOLING EXPERIENCES" (Part Two)
  by Holly Walker

Valentine's Day is this week. It provides us an opportunity to enhance the quality of our relationships. Several years ago, a marriage counselor asked me, "Do you know when a woman loses her need to be courted?" I confessed that I didn't have a clue. He said, "The answer is 'never.'" Perhaps Valentine's Day isn't your day to express romantic feelings, but it is important to keep romance alive throughout our marriage. I urge you to find a creative way to let your spouse know how much you value your relationship.

In this week's newsletter, Holly Walker concludes her article on home schooling. I wish all of you could know Holly. Her heart is totally devoted to Jesus. She writes just the way she talks. I know you will appreciate her thoughts.

Norman

by Norman Bales

While traveling on an Oklahoma interstate highway, I passed an antiquated, rusty pickup. As I pulled out to go around the truck, I noticed a bumper sticker that read, "I love my wife." The message aroused my curiosity. As I pulled alongside, I reduced my speed enough to catch a good look at the vehicle's riders. That's when I realized the loved lady wasn't the most attractive female I'd ever seen.

As I resumed speed and whipped back into the right lane, I chuckled and thought to myself, "I'm glad he loves her. I don't think he had to compete with too many suitors to win her favor." For a long time I kept thinking about those two people in the pickup. If she lacked certain assets, the driver wasn't exactly a rival to Brad Pitt. I don't know what his destination might have been, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't keeping an appointment to model clothes for Gentleman's Quarterly

I kept wondering what I might see if I could look inside their hearts. Maybe they had more capacity to love than the people who model clothes and make movies. Perhaps they showed more consideration, thoughtfulness, willingness to sacrifice, and devotion to each other's best interest than folks who drive sports cars, wear the latest fashions and get their hair done at a place that advertises itself as a salon. I know one thing for sure. The guy in the pickup wanted the world to know that he loves his wife. Does Brad Pitt have a sticker like that on his vehicle?

In childhood, our parents repeated the cliché, "beauty is only skin deep." Later we heard someone say, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." Both observations were correct. According to Genesis 1:26, we are all created in the image of God. That doesn't have anything to do with appearance. It describes our basic nature. When two people see one another as beings who ". . . have been made a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned . . . with glory and honor," they inevitably view one another with respect and esteem. If a husband understands that, it doesn't surprise me that he might want to post a bumper sticker on his vehicle professing love for his wife. His love is based on something more substantial than how she looks.

We judge people by superficial standards. We look for tangible ways of measuring their worth. Sometimes we judge people by their achievements. Our social structure encourages us to do this. Pick up a high school yearbook and you will find pages devoted to the "most popular," "most likely to succeed," "best all around athlete," etc. You would think that the people whose photographs appear on those pages are the ones most likely to succeed in marriage. Take a look at the yearbook at their 25th class reunion. It doesn't always work out that way. If you start looking for the most successful marriage in the class, you might find a rather plain looking couple, driving a rusty old pickup across Oklahoma.

"HOME SCHOOLING EXPERIENCES"
(Part Two)

HollysHoly@aol.com

He's four years old, and society tells me it is time to separate with my only child. It is time for him to grow up, and be on his own in the world. As I send my little one off to kindergarten for the first full day, I am devastated at the separation. I went back home and cried when I dropped my child off for school that day. I can assume from talking with other mothers, I was not the only one; however, we are forced to "buck-up" and hide our feelings. We don't want to disturb the child, and we certainly don't want him to think we are having a difficult time separating from him. He is at the ripe old age of 4 or 5. So we follow the rules, and yet our hearts are breaking. We write it off as womanly or sentimental, and we go on about our changed life. After a while, we forget just how bad the pain was when that little one left, and we start ENJOYING all the free and adult time we have. As the child grows in the school system, we grow in our adult life, and the two begin to separate. That's what we are supposed to do, right? I mean, if a child cries for his "mommy" at school, he is insecure. Leave him there and let him "tough it out" ….he'll outgrow it, right? RIGHT!!! Many times he will find security at school, and he will be just fine. He will have lots of friends the same age as him and a teacher he loves, plus he will be learning all kinds of information to get him through life. Let me just throw out a "what if" scenario…What if the teacher is NOT a good influence or a good role model? If the students are all the same age in the classroom, exactly what experiences will your child be learning from? Think back to your childhood. What did you learn from your friends that were the same age as you? You are both at the same maturity level and reason basically the same. In my opinion, that is why high school was so exciting. You were looking up to the older kids and wanting to be just like them someday. (Hopefully, it is the positive you want to imitate.) Kids need someone to look up to, someone to be their mentor. Yes, they need to be with children their own age, but personally, I believe the way the school system is set up is not the easiest way to find a positive mentor, unless, of course, you have a great Christian teacher. (My son had several WONDERFUL Christian teachers while he was in school.) The next point is the classroom situation. Let's ponder this: You have 30+ students and one teacher. If the students want to start a riot or bring out a gun and start shooting, what are the odds? Scary thought, and yet it is on the news daily. Fourth point might be what is being put into your child's mind. What does your child see and learn on a daily basis? Remember that if you can't answer that question, you WILL face God and be accountable for that child. What a responsibility. My fifth point is that I am accountable to train my child in the way he should go. How can I do that if I am not spending time with him?

The thought of homeschooling went through my mind when Kyle was to start school. It was not a Christian conviction, it was a matter of convenience. My husband worked out of town a lot and school would keep me at home. I was used to being able to travel at the drop of a hat. My son being in school would change our whole way of life, but I sent him to school anyway. Why didn't I homeschool, you might ask? Well, it wasn't the way I was raised, and I knew of no one who homeschooled, so it was only a thought, not a real option. School was fine, and I became more and more aware of my adult time. After a while, I began to enjoy myself and my new way of life. The years went by, and I began to grow in my Christian walk with the Lord. I spent a lot of my alone time studying the scriptures and praying. I became active in group Bible studies and other adult activities, then suddenly God started guiding me in the direction of homeschool. I met several families who homeschooled their children. I met people that were praying about homeschooling and then ultimately did. I even broke down and went to a homeschool association meeting and was impressed with the Christian walk of these families and children. I still did not want to homeschool. We prayed yearly for our teachers, and God blessed us immensely. I was happy with the way things were. The subject of homeschool came up quite often, with even my son ASKING me to homeschool him. I said no way. God had different plans. He gave me a burden. I was overwhelmed with the belief that I was missing out on His goals for me and began to pray, search scripture and question what God had planned for me. I was very uneasy and unsettled when I entered into another Bible study. As God would have it, there were homeschool moms and their children in the study with me. I can't remember them ever telling me I should homeschool, but I loved their quiet spirits and submissive lives. The burden I had for my unfilled life was shared with them, and they prayed with me and for me. Realization hit me like a ton of bricks-if I were at home with my child I knew I would be fulfilled. God put it in my heart that I am responsible for my child, and I need to quit putting off on others what He had given me to do. Oddly enough, at the same time, I had decided to substitute teach, but was still uneasy about my qualifications for teaching my own child. The worse part of the whole story is that once God convicted me, I sent him to school anyway. It was so simple just to put him on the bus the first day of school and wave goodbye. Time went by, and I began to tell others that God was guiding me to homeschool, and one person asked, "Why aren't you?" I gave my answer quickly, much to my shock and theirs. My answer was, "I'm too selfish. I like my time alone, and I don't WANT to be stuck home all day with my child." Even as I said it, I was driven to my knees at the harshness of my words. My only child, a God-given blessing, and I don't want to be around him! Still, I kept him in school. Then the day came. I read a note someone had written about how we are to stand before God and be accountable for our actions, especially when it comes to our children. The words said more to convict me than anything I have ever read. I wrote my feelings down that day…through tears of humbleness. They are as follows: "Praise the Lord…God has put it on my heart for five years to homeschool, and I have been so selfish that I would not heed His call…I am so ashamed. I face this screen with tears of guilt and repentance. My ONLY child, and I am trusting someone else to raise him…My decision is made…I will procrastinate no longer…I will no longer listen to family objections, God's calling is much higher. Thank you…The Holy Spirit was almost quenched because of my defiance!!! Thank you." Someone also told me they couldn't help me with my decisions, but that they knew who could…the Holy Spirit. They were right. So, the journey began…we are homeschooling.

You might wonder how this works. My once wild, rebellious child has now calmed down and is a young man that I didn't even know. He studies daily from the Bible and has learned to turn to the scripture and prayer at any given moment. This was not something he was able to do during school. He has a whole new group of peers (a few of the older group), and they are of a wide range of ages. All the children are from a basic Christian upbringing and are very influential for the good of my son's Christian walk. We see each other weekly and sometimes more often. We still attend Bible class and worship activities, but we are not on as strict of a time schedule and so are able to relax and enjoy them more. He studies several different subjects in which I am sole possessor of the teacher's manual. One of his classes is on video. All of his material is Christian based. God is the center of our life. As for my alone time, he has learned to respect that we BOTH need alone time. This is usually when we have our separate Bible studies and then get back together to discuss what God has taught us. We also take time to read books but not those books all the kids at school want him to read…you know, the horror stories that our young ones are encouraged to read. We are learning together, and we are learning life skills. I am now more aware of his strengths and his weaknesses. I am not just training him to know the answers on the test-I am training him for life.

You might wonder if I plan to keep him in homeschool forever. I can't give you that answer. The Lord tells us not to worry about tomorrow, because today has enough worries of its own. I claim this scripture during my homeschooling years. Tomorrow is another day, but today is a homeschooling day. I always prayed for the teacher God wanted my son to have, and today, that teacher is me.

Norman's e-mail address: nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org