CONTENTS

• JUST VISITING
• FEATURE ARTICLE: PRESCRIPTION FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE # 12
  Preventive Maintenance
  (part one - "Stopping an Affair Before It Starts")
  
• Book Review
  Mi$erly Moms: Living on ONE Income in a TWO Income Economy, by Jonni McCoy.
  Reviewed by Ann Bales
  
• H.E.L.P.
  by Alvaro de Mello
  

  JUST VISITING

  Many of us have struggled with the problem of "having too much month at the end of the money." For many Americans, the solution to that problem is two income sources. Normally, the second income source is a wife and mother who goes to work. That's the way things are expected to operate in today's world. Jonni McCoy is one of those rare persons who chooses to buck the tide. This week Ann reviews her book, Mi$serly Moms: Living on One Income in a Two Income Economy. Ann is really excited about this book. She'll tell you more.

  When I was a very young boy, my father gave me a toy truck. We lived on a farm and I wasn't always careful about where I left it when I finishing playing with it. One day a horse stepped on my toy truck and broke it into several pieces. Times were hard and we had no money for new toys. My father carefully put the toy truck back together with bailing wire. I still had a toy, but it wasn't quite like the way it was before the horse stepped on it. It's a wonderful thing to pull a marriage out of the fire, but it's a better thing to keep it from getting into the fire in the first place. This week we turn our attention to the important subject of "preventive maintenance."

  I'm sure you have seen the news reports of the terrible devastation in Central America as the result of Hurricane Mitch. San Pedro Sula, Honduras was especially had hit. For five years I worked with the church in Minden, Louisiana. They support Mario and Ursala Godoy in that city. I had the opportunity to visit with Mario and Ursala in 1994 and spend time in the beautiful city of San Pedro Sula. It's hard to visualize the destruction that's being reported from that area. The rivers have been out of control. The entire district of Lima has been under water. Thousands of people were evacuated to higher ground. People are without food and shelter. The massive spread of disease is a current threat. The Minden Church of Christ is responding to this need and invite others to share with them in their relief effort. Because they have long-term ongoing contact with San Pedro Sula, they have the ability to transfer funds and goods rather quickly and to place them in the hands of workers who will respond to the needs of the people. Please read the short message by Minden's minister, Alvaro de Mello.

  Norman

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  Prescription for a Healthy Marriage # 12

  Preventive Maintenance

  (part one - "Stopping an Affair Before It Starts")
  

  By Norman and Ann Bales

  (Previous articles in this series are archived at http://www.allaboutfamilies.org)

  INTRODUCTION

  The best time to stop an affair is before it starts. Marriage problems and car problems have a lot in common. Perhaps you have seen the television commercial in which the oil filter salesman tells the audience "you can pay me now or pay me later." Every responsible motorist knows he needs to invest in keeping the engine running smoothly in order to avoid major repair bills. Marriage works exactly the same way.

  We drive an old car. When we say it's an "old car," we really mean it. It has more than 200,000 miles on it. You might think that's risky, but we think the risk is minimal and besides we like not having car payments. Our car runs as well as it does after 200,000 miles because it was built well and because we give attention to preventive maintenance.

  You may have the best marriage in the world and if you do, we praise the Lord. We offered a marriage seminar a few years ago and invited the general public. We put our car in the shop to get some brake work done. We knew the service manager fairly well. Norman thought this might be a great opportunity to get him interested in the gospel, so he invited him to attend the marriage seminar. The service manager said, "Norman, fortunately, I don't really have a problem in that area. I don't see how I could have a better marriage." He kind of caught Norman off guard, because this fellow wasn't spiritual by any stretch of the imagination and that was not what Norman expected him to say. Norman wished he had said, "I've got a good car and it's very dependable. You're one reason I have a dependable car. You take care of the preventive maintenance that keeps my car running.

  Don't you think it would be wise to give some attention to preventive maintenance in order to keep your marriage running?" Sometimes you miss an opportunity forever when you don't take advantage of it. That was one of those occasions.

  In this section, we want to talk about some things we need to do in order to keep our marriages running smoothly. We're going to assume that you want to avoid those problems. Once we announced a seminar on "Mending a Messed-up Marriage." An older gentleman caught up with us to tell us he and his wife planned to attend. He explained why. "My wife said to me, 'I think we ought to attend that seminar on marriage problems.'" He said, "Do you really think we've got a deranged marriage?" She said, "No, and I don't want one and that's why I want to go." Assuming you don't want a "deranged" marriage, we invite you to think with us about things we can do to keep your marriage functioning smoothly.

  Dealing with Temptation

  In the musical play, My Fair Lady, Eliza Doolittle's father tells us his method of dealing with temptation. He says, "With a little bit o' luck, when temptation comes, you'll give right in." Sometime it seems like "giving in" is the most reasonable option, but if you care about your family relationship and if you care about your Christ-like behavior, you will need to find a way to deal with temptation. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. " It's true that God opens the avenue of escape, but how can you tell if you are on the right road?

  1. We make a conscious decision to adopt a Christ-like attitude. Paul wrote in Philippians 2:5 "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." What was his attitude toward temptation? There was a common denominator in each of our Lord's temptations. Basically, Satan was saying to Jesus, "Here's what you can have. You can have it now, so why wait? We live in a world of instant everything, do we not? We assume that we are entitled to have immediate gratification of our wants and we expect to be pleased with the results when we do, but it usually doesn't work out that way. M. Scott Peck in The Road Less Traveled, suggested that delayed gratification is "the only decent way to live." But you're probably not going to delay gratification unless you hold to definite standards of right and wrong, which lead to a reassessment of our fundamental values.

  2. We must clarify our values. According to Romans there are only two mindsets in the world. Romans 8:5 tells us, "Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires." In Alice in Wonderland Lewis Carroll wrote about a character he called, "Mr. Facing-Both-Ways." You can't be a Mr. Facing-Both-Ways-and expect to prevail over temptation. It's one thing to intellectually agree that you ought to be living a certain way, but its another to make sure your "ought to," "can do" and "want to" are on the same page.

  3. We must have the desire and the determination to resist. James 4:7 says. "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." You've got to know that it is not God's will for you to violate the marriage covenant in any way. It never is.

  ANN COMMENTS:

  Many years ago, I received a call from a man who was not my husband. When he called, I was emotionally and spiritually at the very lowest point of my life. I thought he was God's answer to prayer, but in reality Satan appealed to me through him. I chose not to recognize the source of the temptation. I did not want to hear the voice that said, 'What you are thinking about is wrong.' Looking back on that experience, I am convinced that the devil can only tempt us when we are confused about what our beliefs are, what our standards are and what we really want to do in life. I knew what was right, but I didn't want to do what was right.

  CONCLUSION

  How could a Christian marriage ever reach the point that one partner would contemplate violating their marriage vows and placing their souls in jeopardy? We would suggest that we have to go beyond looking at what's right. We have to take some preventive measures to make sure we keep on wanting to do what's right.

  NEXT WEEK: Building a Healthy Relationship

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  BOOK REVIEW

  Mi$erly Moms: Living on ONE Income in a TWO Income Economy by Jonni McCoy. Elkton , MD: Full Quart Press, 1996

  In society today it is unusual to find Moms who want to stay at home and raise their children. In fact, much has been written and verbalized to put down this idea. Women who stay at home are embarrassed when asked "what do you do"? It doesn't sound impressive to reply, "I'm a stay-at-home mom," or "I'm just a housewife." I love Peg Campolo's response to that question: "I am socializing two homo-sapiens in the dominant values of the Judeo-Christian tradition in order that they might be instruments for the transformation of the social order into the telelogically prescribed utopia inherent in the eschaton." She is saying that no woman should ever be ashamed of making the choice to stay home and train her children.

  Jonni McCoy has chosen to do just that. To do so she didn't simply make sacrifices; she learned some valuable lessons. She has done a magnificent job of sharing how she accomplished her goal. The beauty of the information in this book is that it can be used by anyone, even a bachelor, to help save time, money and energy. She pursued this idea because she wanted to stay at home and take care of her children, but she passes along ideas of how this will benefit a Mom who chooses to work outside the home.

  Jonni has done her homework, legwork and bookwork. She lays out in detail "Eleven Miserly Guidelines." They include everything from how to decide the difference between frugality and deprivation, to including great recipes to help you know how to do it. She has detailed how to accomplish all the guidelines. Her information spans shopping for everything, how to involve the man of the house and the children in your plan, utilities, medical expense and even special needs.

  In the appendix she includes menu plans, substitutions, equivalency tables and metric conversions. Last, but not least, she provides additional resources, other than the ones mentioned in the text. The list of resources is excellent.

  Recently, I spent two weeks taking care of my daughter after she had surgery. I shared the book with her and she now wants a copy. I had opportunity to use some of the household formulas Jonni has in the book. One, in particular, was the formula for cleaning carpets - a mixture of 20 Mule Team Borax and corn meal. I was amazed at the results.

  Mrs. McCoy holds a BA degree in Speech Communication from the University of California at Santa Barbara. Prior to motherhood, she spent ten years as a senior buyer for electronic firms. She presents seminars across the country on living for less. She lives with her husband and their children in northern California where they home school their children.

  I believe you will gain great benefit from the book and I highly recommend it to our readers.

  Ann Bales
  Shreveport, Louisiana

  H.E.L.P.

  by Alvaro de Mello
  Minden, Louisiana

  Honduras in Expectation of Love Participation.

  This may not be the best acronym but for sure our brothers in Honduras need our help. As you know through the press reports, the situation in that country and also in Nicaragua is catastrophic. The Minden Church of Christ is involved with this help because of our connections and support of a missionary in San Pedro Sula, Mario Godoy. The Christian community in Minden and in the area is responding generously to our plea for help in behalf of the people of Honduras. So if you want to send money or light clothes, or non-perishable food items, please contact us. Checks should be made out to MINDEN CHURCH OF CHRIST-HONDURAS FUND. Our phone number is 318-377-4967. Our address is 211 College Street; Minden, LA 71055-3236.
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  If you have questions about marriage and family relationships, you can "ASK THE COUNSELOR." Address your questions to Mikal Frazier. Her address is mikalfraz@aol.com

  Norman's e-mail address: nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org