CONTENTS

• JUST VISITING
• FEATURE ARTICLE: Goals for Families
  
• LOOKING BACK AT 1998

If the Lord allows time to continue until the end of the week, we will enter the last year of this millennium. (For all you purists, I know that the next millennium doesn't actually start until 2001, but I'm playing the game with everybody else). The changing of the calendar traditionally represents a time of introspection and resolve for improvement. Many of us view the new year as a good time to think about shedding some excess poundage, starting an exercise program or developing more productive habits, which is all well and good. I've been giving some thoughts to families. What kinds of goals do you have for your family in 1999?

Marvin Phillips, a well-known preacher from Tulsa, Oklahoma used to say, "We often aim at nothing and achieve it with amazing accuracy." We've got one more year before we move into the new millennium. It's an opportune time to put forth an intensive effort to improve family life. Today's feature article offers some suggestions for goals for families to work on.

Norman

GOALS FOR FAMILIES

By Norman and Ann Bales

• Goal # 1 Make sure Christ is the head of your home.

  Of course that means Jesus must be at the core of our lives. If we expect to build quality family lives without Jesus, we expect the impossible.

• Goal # 2 Turn your home into a communications center.

  The home ought to be a place where both serious and frivolous messages are freely transmitted. It's a place where concerns can be aired. Hurts, irritations and offenses aren't swept under the rug. Such messages should be communicated with respect and regard for the feelings of others. Appreciation and praise should be verbalized often.

• Goal # 3 Take the time to listen.

  Listening is some of the hardest work you'll ever do. It's like golf. It will always challenge you, but you'll never master it. Listen for expressions of joy and disappointment. Listen with your eyes and your face, so others will know you are listening.

• Goal # 4 Share life together.

  When your youngest child learns a new skill, like tying shoes, make it an occasion that everyone praises. Celebrate victories and comfort each other when there's grief and heartache. Eat your meals together. According to a recent study reported in a national magazine, families who eat at least one meal a day together are more likely to avoid having to deal with drug problems.

• Goal # 5 Turn the family into a work crew.

  Everybody needs a job. Each family member should be expected to participate in the tasks of the family. The task may be taking out the garbage or painting the shutters. Family members should understand that such mundane chores as dusting the furniture and washing dishes actually make the home a more suitable place for everyone to live.

• Goal # 6 Express gratitude and appreciation often.

  You won't spoil children by giving them legitimate praise. Willard Tate says we need to show appreciation when a family member does something that's "nearly right." Don't overlook the small things. Praising the little things our family members do sometimes pays big dividends.

• Goal # 7 Allow room for bargaining.

  You don't have to be a tyrant to maintain your position as head of the home. Stop and think about it. Your physical head sits on top of your neck and your neck bends. When the neck bends, the head goes with it. A healthy home is one in which the suggestions of everyone from the smallest to the largest is considered.

• Goal # 8 Aim for higher things.

  There are no perfect families and there are no perfect family members. We can all stand some improvement. Commit yourself to work on improving your relationship with God, your communication to other family members, your attitude toward sacrificial service, your consideration for other family members and their feelings. There's a word that describes the willingness to do these things. That word is called "love."

As we come to the end of the year, there is some value in looking back over the road we have traveled. News organizations normally compile a list of the top stories in the news. I thought it might be helpful to look at some of the events that have had an impact on families. I'm not ranking them by their importance, but when we look back at 1998, we may well discover that these events defined and shaped attitudes of the public.

• The Presidential Scandal.

  The president brought embarrassment to his family and the nation. Perhaps more significantly, the scandal triggered a national debate over whether the president should be held accountable for such actions.

• The Movie Titanic.

  It was a box office smash hit and took numerous academy award honors. Many people saw it over and over again. Few seemed bothered by the fact that the story did not center on the historical disaster, but on an illicit love affair. One has the uneasy feeling that it contributed further to the blurring of lines between what's right and what's wrong.

• The Southern Baptist Convention's Statement on the Family.

  In part the statement read, "The marriage relationship models the way God relates to his people. A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. He has the God-given responsibility to provide for, to protect and to lead his family. A wife is to submit herself graciously to the servant leadership of her husband even as the church willingly submits to the headship of Christ." Even though the statement mirrors Ephesians 5, it was widely denounced and viciously criticized. It was lampooned by numerous political cartoonists.

• Promise Keepers Problems.

  Just a couple of years ago, many observers heralded Promise Keepers as the savior of the family. In 1998, Promise Keepers reduced its staff by 28 per cent. Even though PK, no longer charged admission to stadium rally events, attendance dropped.

• Veggie Tales Sales Soared.

  "Where is God When I'm So S-scared," a Christian oriented children's video in the Veggie Tales series, became the number two best selling children's video

Norman

If you have questions about marriage and family relationships, you can "ASK THE COUNSELOR." Address your questions to Mikal Frazier. Her address is mikalfraz@aol.com

Norman's e-mail address: nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org