CONTENTS
- JUST VISITING
- Feature Article -"Making Marriage Last"
by Norman Bales - What Others are Saying
- Perceptions - "Daring to Dream"
by Norman Bales
JUST VISITING
No matter how you read them, the statistics are bad. Fewer people are choosing marriage. Cohabitation has become an accepted lifestyle for many couples. The divorce rate is high among those who get married for the first time.
However, we don't choose to focus all our attention on the ills that affect the family. Some marriages are making it. Some marriages are incredibly successful. Some people find a way to heal rifts, settle conflicts and grow in their relationships.
In our marriage we have grown in our sense of personal fulfillment, in our capacity to forgive, in our appreciation for each other, in our ability to overcome self-centeredness. No, we don't have a perfect marriage, but our lives are far better together than they would ever have been if we had chosen to go our separate ways when turbulent times threatened our relationship. In a few days, we will celebrate our fortieth anniversary. We want to share some reasons why our marriage has lasted.
Norman and Ann
On December 26, we will celebrate our fortieth anniversary, the Lord willing. Are will still in love? You'd better believe it.
We love each other despite the fact that after we had been married 16 years we ran into a roadblock that almost derailed our marriage. We got things back on track and grew enormously in our appreciation for each other. Together we've identified seven principles that have helped us to make it to our wedding day plus forty (well almost).
By continuing to employ these seven principles, we plan to make to Wedding Day Plus Fifty and Beyond. We expect our love to grow and deepen as the years go by.
A young boy with tattered clothes was approached by an arrogant adult with an intrusive question, "Just who do you think you are, son?" The boy was not intimidated by the rude question. He simply said, "To tell you the truth, I ain't done yet mister." Young people dare to dream of great things to come. Some adults allow themselves to become cynical when their dreams don't materialize, but we still have the capacity to dream right up until the moment we leave this earth behind. We invite you to read our thoughts about dreams
If you have questions about marriage and family relationships, you can "ASK THE COUNSELOR." Address your questions to Mikal Frazier. Her address is
mikal@allaboutfamilies.org
Norman's e-mail address:
nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org
by Norman and Ann BalesCommitment.
When we married, we made a solemn promise to "live with each other in the beauty of holiness until death do us part." We believed the words we said and we still honor them.Romance.
No, we don't maintain the same level of romantic intensity that prevailed in our early days. We used to sit so close to one another in the car that it looked as if it took two people to drive it. Today, romance shows up in small ways - a foot rub, a back rub, a rose in a vase when there's no occasion, an appreciation card.Laughter.
We tease and act silly sometimes. We look at the humorous side of serious situations. We practice self-deprecating humor and try to avoid put-downs.Togetherness.
We enjoy doing things together when one person might prefer to do something else. For example, when we visit our neighborhood builder's supply and yard maintenance store, Norman may spend an hour looking at the flowers with Ann when he would rather be looking at the tools. On the next visit, Ann might look at the tools with Norman.Anger Management.
We're still trying to get a handle on this one, but we had to learn healthy ways of managing our anger. It's especially important to diffuse it so the intensity level can be lowered.Communication.
After forty years of marriage, we cannot assume that we have mastered the communication process. Of course, we can sometime finish each other's sentences, but to be honest, on certain occasions one of us will say, "What planet are you on?"Forgiveness.
We worked through the problem that threatened our marriage by learning to forgive. Although we have not faced a problem of that magnitude again, constant forgiveness is still needed.WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING
About Oneness in Marriage.
"Note that two distinct persons come together in the marital union: You and me. But there is also a third, crucial identity of Us that is born out of the connection between Me and You. One person's identity is never to be lost in the other, but God's design is that the two come together in a powerful way to form a new oneness that is unique." - Scott Stanley, Daniel Trathen, Savanna McCain and Milt Bryan in A Lasting Promise.About Our Vertical Relationship.
"Certainly, Christ's call is for us to become loving husbands, wise fathers and faithful friends. But ultimately the quality of our horizontal relationships is determined by the quality of our vertical relationship to Christ. An intimate, growing love relationship with Jesus is the greatest achievement, the most honored position, and the most valuable contribution that we can make to our families." - Gary Oliver, author of Real Men Have Feelings Too.About Giving and Taking.
"In a healthy marriage, there are differences and there is balance. Each partner should be willing to give a gift of love to the other from time to time. There are times to compromise, and there are times to agree to disagree. You know you have a problem, though, when one person does all the giving and another does all the taking." - David and Claudia Arp in Where the Wild Strawberries Grow.PERCEPTIONS
"Daring To Dream"
by Norman Bales