The Stress of the Season

The Christmas season is a festive time, but it is also a time of stress for many people. For many people the stress of the season involves time management. How do you work in all the parties, shopping, travel, decorations, special meal planning, weight and health concerns caused by consumption of too much rich food, relationship tensions when family members visit, and budget balancing?

As we observe shoppers in the stores, many people don't appear to be happy at all. They're in a hurry to get their shopping done. They're frustrated when they can't find what they're looking for and grow impatient when they have to wait in long checkout lines. Maybe we ought to consider the rising incidence of "shopping cart rage" as we analyze the concerns of the season.

• Christmas sadness

  For many people, the kinds of stresses we have just described are not the major concerns.

  1. Many have memories of wonderful Christmases spent with loved ones who have died. The realization that such experiences cannot be repeated brings a sense of sadness for some.

  2. Christmas is especially difficult for those whose loved ones have died within the last year.

  3. Christmas involves reminiscing about childhood Christmases. There is a certain sadness that comes from knowing that level of excitement cannot be repeated.

  4. Christmas is sad when people recall negative experiences such as an alcoholic father who binged and became abusive during the holidays.

  5. Christmas is sad for those who are sick or fatigued and cannot meet the expectations of others during the season.

  6. Christmas is difficult when family members are facing serious problems such as illness.

  7. For many people Christmas is a time of incredible loneliness and feelings of abandonment.

  8. NO GROUP OF PEOPLE EXPERIENCE GREATER FRUSTRATION AT CHRISTMAS AS THOSE OF ADVANCED YEARS. WHY DO YOU THINK IT IS THAT WAY?

• Some of the frustration can be explained by the experience of growing old.

  What do we mean by old? Some observers divide old age into two different categories (1)"Young old" - age 65 to 80; "Old Old" - past 80 (2) Health and mobility differ widely among older people.

• Physical problems associated with advanced years.

  • hearing loss
    
  • changes in appearance (wrinkles, graying, age spots)
    
  • "the destruction of mobility"
    
  • becoming supersensitive cold and heat
    
  • vision loss
    
  • You know you're getting older when people stop saying, "you don't look your age."
    
  • increased susceptibility to disease
    
  • incontinence
    
  • loss of virility

• Social problems.

  • Societal rejection. Contemporary society is geared to the needs and wants of young people.

  • Older people don't always fit into the image that many people have of Christmas. Christmas is for a Mom and Dad in their thirties and two school age children. The only seventy year old who can fit into that picture is a seventy year old, portly gentleman with a white beard who is willing to play Santa Claus.

  • According sociologists Moss and Moss, "We have shaped a society which is extremely harsh to live in when one is old."

  • Many older people are rapidly losing their ability to take care of their financial needs beyond basic survival requirements.

  • A youth based society often considers older people incompetent, inadequate, unproductive leeches on society. A few years ago, the governor of Colorado actually said that it is the duty of the older members of society to die and get out of the way to make room for the younger, more productive members of society.

  • Bert Kruger Smith accurately described the social dilemma of the aged when he said, "No one genuinely understands age but the old."

  Our obligations to older members of society.

  1. We are expected to "do good to all people" (Galatians 6:10).
     
  2. The Golden Rule should make us sensitive to their needs. The time will come when we will all be in their shoes (Matthew 7:12).
     
  3. Paul specifically addressed the care of older members of our families when he said, "If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." (1 Timothy 5:8). This passage is especially pertinent because it is given in the context of caring for older persons.

  How we can serve the needs of our older people during the holidays.

  1. Give them the gift of time. It's fine to go caroling, but older people need more than a few carols sung at the door. They need meaningful contact with people. A young man asked a family member. "What can I give my mother for Christmas?" He wasn't quite prepared for the answer. "She doesn't need any of the things you want to give her, but she sure would like to spend some time with you."

  2. Invite an older person, who would normally spend Christmas alone, to share Christmas dinner at your house. This can become a memory making experience for your own children. It can even become a tradition they will carry into adulthood.

  3. Help decorate their homes. Mobility is one of the problems that older people face. It's not easy to put up a tree, string lights and make their houses, apartments or rooms in a nursing facility a cheerful place, but they like the cheerful decorations as much as any of us. Don't forget to help take them down and put them away when the season is over.

  4. Take them out. Maybe you'll want to take an older person to dinner, to special program or to a movie. Suitable movies may be a little hard to find. We recently went over the list of movies being released during the holidays. Most are either rated PG-13 or R. However Toy Story 2, which is in the theaters now is G rated and an enjoyable movie for all ages.

  5. Visit their homes more than one time. Make sure other people are aware of the needs of the older folks and get them involved. Take gifts. If you take food, be sure they are able to tolerate the kind of food your bring.

  6. Check on them by phone when you can't visit in person. Check every day during the season. Make sure they have your number.

  7. Listen to their stories. Older people sometimes have problems remembering what happened last week, but their memory of childhood Christmases remain vivid in their minds. That's because they have rehearsed them many, many times. Such stories are vital to the continuity between generations and can be educational for all of us. Besides that, it will make an older person's day to know that someone actually wants to listen.

If you can give a little of your time to an older person this holiday season, it will greatly reduce the stress and frustration of trying to deal with all of the difficulties the season brings to us. It will make the season happier for a person who may not be looking forward to it and you'll be practicing Biblical compassion.

Edgar A. Guest once said, "It takes a heap of living to make a house a home." Like a house, a refrigerator is functional, but inanimate. But when you add the component of a family, a refrigerator becomes something more than a place to keep food cold. The doors and sides often serve as bulletin boards and drawing surfaces for budding young artists. Such artistic creations may not match your carefully planned kitchen décor, but they produce memorable moments for family. The unknown author of this week's Perceptions column regrets the loss of refrigerator art. You can read about it