CONTENTS
- JUST VISITING
- WHEN WRITING TO US
- FEATURE ARTICLE: "Married Couples Need Continuing Education"
- GUEST ARTICLE - "The Potter and the Clay"
by Steve Gregory
JUST VISITING
I'm an avid vitamin taker. Perhaps you think it is a waste of money, but I'm a pretty healthy fellow for a guy who's 62 years old. I would like to think that preventive medicine enables me to see my doctor so infrequently that we practically have to get reacquainted at every visit. AAF is a modest effort at providing preventive medicine for marriage. Ann and I conduct a seminar we call "Mending a Messed Up Marriage." We're usually dealing with radical surgery in these seminars. It's so much better to take care of problems before they arise. I strongly believe that the time and energy invested in "continuing education" has the potential to prevent many marriage problems before they occur. Please consider my thoughts on that subject today.
Recently, Steve Gregory, who lives in Collingswood, New Jersey submitted an article describing the pain and struggle he has undergone in his battle against addiction. I'm sure you'll be touched by his story. I don't know Steve personally, but I pray that his spiritual pilgrimage will help him to know the way of the Lord more perfectly. Be sure to read his story.
Norman
WHEN WRITING TO US
If you read our newsletter regularly, you know that we are undergoing a time of transition as I prepare to move from the pulpit ministry in Minden, Louisiana to full time Family Life Ministry in Shreveport. Some of the changes affect the way you communicate with us at AAF. From this time forward, if you need to communicate with me personally, please send your e-mail messages to the following address:
While, I'm on the subject of communication, every newsletter contains instructions at the bottom of the newsletter to help you with subscription information. Many of you continue to write me with subscription requests. Writing to me just slows things down. Besides that, I'm not sure that I know enough about the tech stuff to honor your request the way you want it. If your message concerns subscription please send your message to:
MARRIED COUPLES NEED CONTINUING EDUCATION
My wife, Ann, received two college degrees and her nursing diploma at the same time. Her pursuit of higher education took her through five educational institutions over a span of more than twenty years. Two months after graduation, she passed the state board examination to receive her nursing license. However, her education didn't stop then. In order to maintain her license, she must accumulate a significant number of continuing education units (popularly known as CEUs.)
When we applied for a marriage license, the only requirements were a blood test and a $4.00 fee. We do not need to accumulate CEUs in order to keep our marriage license, but we have learned we must be involved with continuing education throughout the past 38 years of our marriage.
We never actually "graduated" from the school of marriage. When Ann became a "degreed" person, I welcomed the end of midnight exam reviews and sleepless nights devoted to typing term papers. There was an end to her formal her studies. But it doesn't work that way in the school of marriage. There are no recesses, no spring breaks, no summer vacations. Like the little rabbit in the television commercial you have to keep on "going and going and going" in the school of marriage. Howard and Charlotte Clinebell noted, "Just when a couple has mastered the skills of one stage (or given up, or become bored) a new and unprecedented stage arrives requiring the acquisition of new skills" (The Intimate Marriage. p. 103).
As the years go by in a marriage, we pass through various changes. Some recently married couples think they have it all figured out fairly soon. Imagine the shock when the first child arrives and they discover the need to rebuild their relationship from the ground up. So it goes when additional children are born, when the children start to school, grow into adolescence and leave home. Job changes, the development of new interests and commitments, illness, deaths in the family and the process of aging all require a retooling of the relationship. The dynamics never stop changing and we never stop learning, adjusting and adapting. Howard Whitman noted, "It takes guts to stay married . . . . There will be many crises between the wedding day and the golden anniversary, and the people who make it are heroes"
It's human nature to resist change. I can recall my early struggles with math. About the time I learned how to add and subtract, my teachers insisted that I learn how to multiply and divide. I was just getting the hang of division, when they threw long division at me. Even that didn't satisfy them. They insisted that I learn to work with decimals. There was just no end to it. Marriage is much like that. We resist making any changes (although we might expect changes in our partners). But marriage will die a slow death if both partners aren't open to education, change and new challenges. The writer of Ecclesiastes reminds us "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." (Ecclesiastes 3:1). We pass through many seasons between our wedding day and our Golden Anniversary. We can either resist the change of the season or view the new season as an opportunity to gain another CEU in the school of marriage.
The sky was clear, such a beautiful day, a good day for a bike ride with
Joshua. We will ride and be happy, we will ride and be happy, we will ride and be happy! I remember those days, how good I felt just to see the happy face of my boy. Those days I could find contentment in so many simple things of life. There is an emptiness somewhere. If I can't fill the void with the joys of living, I once felt, I think I will die in my addiction. I struggle for the joy of living. The great simple joys of life have been torn from me by the thief of addiction. I will not ride and be happy; not for a long time.
Some doctors would tell me I didn't have enough chemical "stuff" in my brain
to make me feel good about myself and that was the reason I did what I did, the
reasons don't always matter, what is important is to survive today without filling
the brain void with any mood altering substance.
How I look back and think of the simplicity of stopping. I hear the voice,
"Please just stop!" The truth is, when I can't experience the joy for life I once
had, simplicity would be to start using immediately. I have a brain that knows the joy of living. I have a brain that will destroy me with a consuming lust for deceptive pleasure.
Victory, for me, rested in the knowledge that I once loved living without
cocaine.
I will survive only one way, by seeing and experiencing the beauty of God's
creation in the natural and the spiritual. I will learn now, more than ever before, how much I really need to depend on God.
A dark cloud would slowly engulf me. My mind would have to be slowly
persuaded into submitting to my own destruction. I wanted this experience to
remain a secret, after all I had been free of alcohol and drugs for eight years. My
secret couldn't last too long, because in the basement of my house I was losing too much weight too fast. I had knowledge and experience about addiction, I even knew when I was believing the old lies. I knew I was losing myself. I was brokenhearted and in great misery, even near death.
The power of addiction is greater than anything on earth. The restoration of
my body, soul and spirit is so very difficult this time. I suffered in recovery
because I lost the ability to enjoy things I once found pleasure in. It would seem as if all natural pleasures were subtracted from my mind, I had them once but not any more. I couldn't walk by my emotions, if I did I would fail. I was dependent upon the supernatural power of God's guidance. God heard my cries from the darkness, I knew I needed Him and He alone would restore me to sanity.
The love lesson that I would learn is that God will not give up on me. He
will not be subject to any man-made formulation, He is much greater than that. His Grace travels far beyond my thoughts. I am sure of His love, because when I was telling Him to leave me to my sin, the Holy Spirit was busy watching over me and He knew the Father would wait for the return of his beloved son.
I serve the Lord through the music ministry, giving testimony and witnessing
for the cause of Christ. I have been used by the Lord to bring people into His
Kingdom. I was taken captive by my own desires. I didn't resist the temptation placed before me. I was hammered by Satan, yet Satan was a tool in the Master's hand.
I am grateful to God for lifting me out of the darkness. The scars of sin go
deep, the healing process is underway. My sin is ever before me, however God's
forgiveness is greater than my own condemnation. I know my Lord wants me
completely. God has many ways of getting my attention and He is not powerless
against my disobedience. I love the Lord because He is the Potter, with tears
in His eyes, breaking and remaking a better vessel for His use.
My spiritual condition is of far greater importance to God than any physical
suffering I will experience. I would rather suffer righteousness for the cause
of Christ than to suffer because of my own willingness to disobey, but then I know the Father's cause is that I be more like His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ.
I will always remember that day back in 1984 when I stopped drinking. I was
serving the Lord, proudly doing good things. I thought of how good I was and
how pleased God must be with me. I was looking in the mirror, God interrupted me as I was admiring myself. He said He could do more with me when I was hiding in the dumpster and drinking mouth wash than in my own self righteousness. I have learned to be humble through the fire of free will. It may seem strange, however I have lost a portion of my own will to do His will.
I never wished that I wasn't born again. I realized a long time ago I was not
good enough to stand before God. God provided a substitute in His Son, Jesus.
Jesus took upon Himself my Punishment. I can stand before God in righteousness, not because of anything I did or didn't do, but because of what Jesus did for me.
I love my son Joshua and sometimes he disobeys me. It never entered my mind
to cast my wonderful son out the front door of my house and disown him as a
member of the family. Of course not; how strange! My son, when he was conceived became part of myself. In Christ I am part of Him and God says His love for me is much greater than my love for my son, I can't comprehend the depth of His love for me!
When I lie my head down in the night, I am alone with my thoughts. I think of
the past and it begins to tell me how worthless I am. When these dark thoughts
attack me the Holy Spirit brings to my memory; the Lord sees not as man sees; for man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on my heart. (1 Sam. 16: 7). God's love and forgiveness is not based on my feelings but on His divine truth. God cannot lie. His love is everlasting.
"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right, persevering and
steadfast spirit within me. Cast me not away from Your presence, and take not Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit." - Psalm 51:10-12 (Amplified Bible)
Steve's email address is
THE POTTER AND THE CLAY
NEXT WEEK'S FEATURE ARTICLE: ""GOD KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING"
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If you have questions about marriage and family relationships, you can
"ASK THE COUNSELOR." Address your questions to Mikal Frazier. Her
address is mikalfraz@aol.com