CONTENTS

• FEATURE STUDY: "Dealing with Temptation"
• IF I WERE FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT, I WOULD....
  THE CHRIST-CENTERED WIFE
  What Do You Say When You Talk To Yourself?
  (Part 2)
  by Mikal Frazier
  

When we commit to marriage, we pledge lifelong faithfulness to one spouse. In order to keep that pledge, we must learn to cope with temptation.

In 1 Corinthians 10:13, the scriptures suggest that "temptation is common to man." That means that none of us are spared the experience of being tempted Not only does Paul insist that temptation is common to man, but he also says that "God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." But how does God provide the escape and how do we recognize the avenue of escape when it is presented to us? The Hebrew writer contributes a significant insight to anyone who is serious about finding the way of escape. In Hebrews 2:17-18, he said that Jesus, ". . . had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted."

How does Jesus help us when we are tempted? In one sense of the term, he helps us to put things back together when we have given in to temptation. We have written a number of essays on forgiveness. That's what the cross is about, but let's think about prevention. It's far better to prevent falling into sin than to go through the ordeal of picking up the pieces after the fact.

We can trust the example of Jesus to direct us away from the path that would cause us to fall. We can trust him because according to Hebrews 4:15, he "has been tempted in every way just as we are."

That means that the devil used every weapon in his arsenal on Jesus and yet Jesus didn't stumble even one time. The devil played hardball and Jesus never struck out. He lived through our worst nightmares, felt our strongest urges, dealt with our most difficult problems and yet he did not sin. Frances Havergal touched the deepest level of our need when she wrote "Nobody knows, but Jesus. Is it not better so? That no one else, but Jesus, my own dear Lord shall know."

In order to enhance our appreciation for the example of Jesus as our avenue of escape, let me talk with you just a little bit about Christology. Christology is a fancy word that scholars like to use to describe the nature of Christ - his work, his mission and so forth. I'm not going to give you a long drawn out explanation of Christology, but there is something we all need to know about the nature of Christ when we deal with temptation. When Jesus was born in Bethlehem, he was not, in the strictest terms, the son of Joseph and Mary. He was God clothed in human flesh. Have you ever thought what it must have been like for Joseph and Mary to have the Son of God in their home. In one of his books God Came Near, Max Lucado wondered what went through Mary's mind when she changed God's diapers, which is a way of saying that as incredible as it sounds, God actually assumed human flesh in the person of Jesus. In John 1:1, the apostle wrote, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." The word here is not the Bible; the word here is Jesus Christ. Notice verse 14 "The Word became flesh and lived for a while among us." What does that mean in practical terms? It means that Jesus felt our pain and dealt with our problems.

That's my abbreviated essay on Christology, but I also need to give you a shortcourse on demonology. In the Bible, the prince of demons is called Satan. The name Satan means "adversary." He is the enemy of Christ and he is our enemy. Peter writes in 1 Peter 5:8, "Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." Jesus came to this world with a mission to save people by dying on the cross for the sins of the world. Satan was determined to do everything in his power to prevent that from happening. From the beginning of Jesus' personal ministry until he expired on the cross, Satan placed every enticement that he could in front of Jesus. He tried every way in the world to encourage him to deviate from the course he had chosen.

When we think about the temptation, we usually recall the wilderness experience with temptation. We must understand that the devil didn't just meet Jesus out in the wilderness, tempt him with three different offers and then leave after he was rebuffed on all three counts. Luke 4:13 says "When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left him until an opportune time." There were many "opportune times."

Even though the devil tempted Jesus numerous times, it's helpful to look at the temptation experience in the wilderness, because in those three temptation episodes we do have insight into all the basic approaches that Satan uses against us.

1. In the first temptation - the temptation to turn stones into bread - we have an illustration of Satan's method of diverting our attention from the main purpose of life.

   On the surface the temptation looks quite innocent. Jesus was hungry and as the Son of God he possessed miracle working power. Who could blame him for turning stones into bread if he had the ability to do so? There's nothing wrong with bread. Jesus even taught his disciples to pray for their daily bread.

   But when bread becomes the focus of life, when it consumes most of our energy, most of our time, most of our attention - when it means more to us than anything else, it's wrong and it's wrong for the reason that Jesus said it was wrong. "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." (Matthew 4:4).

   Before you dismiss this form of temptation as one that doesn't apply to you, make sure you don't miss the main point. You may be thinking, "Well food isn't my temptation. I eat to live; I don't just live to eat." Good enough, but bread is nothing but an illustration of the method that Satan is using. The "stones-to-bread" temptation was Satan's to divert the attention of Jesus to secondary matters. Jesus might well have said, "Man does not live on financial security alone." Or he could have said, "Man does not live on achievement alone," or "Man does not live on his dreams of success alone." "Man does not live on his desire for prestige, position and popularity alone."

2. The second temptation - the temptation to jump off the pinnacle of the temple which is a 450 foot drop from the pinnacle of the temple to the bottom of the brook Kidron- illustrates Satan's plan to encourage us to do things our own way instead of God's way.

   For Jesus, the Father's way meant the cross. In John 12:32 Jesus said, "But I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself." What did he mean when he said lifted up? The next verse says, "He said this to show what kind of death he was going to die." The plan of the Father was to draw all men to his son through the cross. At the mount of temptation Satan was saying, "I've got a better idea."

   Have you ever thought about what might have happened if Jesus had given in on this one? What would people think if he had pulled off this remarkable feat of defying the laws of gravity? He probably would have gained instant fame. People would stand in line for a ticket to see him do it again longer than they would wait for Garth Brooks tickets. He would have instant fame, instant credibility for his claim to be the Son of God, and perhaps even more significantly a sea of friendly audiences waiting to hear him teach. It's not hard to see why it would have been tempting.

   But even though he could have achieved instant marketability with this death defying stunt, he didn't come to be the star attraction at Madison Square Garden. In Matthew 20:28 he said "the Son of man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Leaping from the temple was not consistent with that purpose.

   Our temptation in this area may not come in the form of an opportunity to perform on a stage, to have our talents displayed on television, to be so popular that people will stand in line to buy tickets just to get to see us. Our temptation comes when we want to have things our own way, when we can seemingly justify altering or substituting for God's way of doing things because the end result will be that of accomplishing some great thing for the Lord. Jesus would remind us that "It is written, "do not put the Lord to the test" Do we not do that when we ask him to put a rubber stamp on the plans we've already outlined, to endorse the things that we want to do, when we are trying to make it appear that our purely selfish goals are legitimate ways of serving God.

3. In some ways the third temptation is the most deceptive of all. Satan actually had the audacity to try to sell Jesus something he already owned. "Again the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. "All this I will give you," he said, if you will bow down and worship me." This is really a ludicrous offer. It's like a real estate agent offering to sell you your own house or a car salesman trying to get you to pay for a car you already own. Make no mistake about it. What's in this world already belongs to Jesus. If Satan has control of anything in it, he stole it. Observe the language of John 1:2, "Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made." Doesn't that say the world belongs to Jesus already.

   And yet Satan had the audacity to try to sell it to him and what a price he demanded, "All of this I will give you if you will bow down and worship me." What he required was nothing less than a change of allegiance, a repudiation of the Heavenly Father, and so Jesus responded, "Away from me Satan! for it is written, 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only."

   Has Satan ever tried to sell you something you already own? Has he ever offered you access to something you already had the ability to claim? What do most people want in life? Most people will tell you they want to be happy. They want to have peace, fulfillment and joy.

   There's nothing wrong with wanting those things and they are yours to claim as a Christian, but every day the devil hits you with the same message. "You can't have those things with God. God's interested in telling you what you can't have. The only way you're going to have anything you want is to do it my way." The one who makes that offer is a blatant liar.

So we end up with three groups of temptations (1) the temptation to make secondary things the main things, (2) the temptation to do things our way instead of God's way and (3) the temptation to buy from the devil those things we either already own or have title to. Each temptation is strong; each temptation can be overcome with the help of Jesus. He will help us keep our pledge of life long faithfulness. You might say he is our "coping mechanism."

The farmer was sitting on his front porch, a day's work done, with his faithful hound at his feet. A neighbor came by for a chat and as he sat there talking with his friend, he could hear an occasional groan from the pooch at their feet. Finally, the guest said to his host, "Why does that dog continue to groan?" The host said, "Well, he is lying on a nail and it doesn't hurt enough to move."

As I consider with you what to say when you talk to yourself, first you must decide if you really want to do something different. David Schnarch said, "We move forward when our discomfort with the present outweighs our fear of growth." Remember Jesus asked the invalid in John 5:6, "Do you want to be healed?" In the beginning of this series I shared with you the pain I at one time felt in my marriage. It was during this time that I realized, I had toi change myself. I had spent an enormous amount of time and effort trying to get Jim to change. But when I became uncomfortable enough, I began the real work of becoming a Spirit-filled wife. Changing Jim was not the answer; changing myself was. It is this process to which Schnarch is referring when he says, "Stay in your marriage, that is where you grow up." He called this the ". . . natural people-growing process of marriage." Philip Guerin, et al., in Working With Relationship Triangles said, "Part of being a grown-up entails developing ease at stepping up and assuming responsibility for one's own emotions and the relationship behavior that these emotions drive. (These folks just don't know what a help the Holy Spirit can be in the process.)

So as you begin your new internal dialogue, ask yourself, "Do I really want to be healed?" If you are ready to be healed, then you are ready to stop futilely focusing on your partner as the source of your grief, and begin focusing on yourself.

In my second article, I addressed God's command for marriage. There I stated, "As long as you believe that breaking this covenant is an option..., your marriage is most likely doomed" (Volume 2 Number 9). The question now is, "Do I trust Him enough to say, 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'" (Philippians 4:13)? "Do I really believe he is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us (Ephesians 3:20)? If your answer is "Yes," then you are on the road to making Him Lord of your life and becoming a Spirit-filled wife.

In Ephesians 5:18, Paul admonishes us to be "filled with the Spirit." In Galatians 5:22, he tells us that the fruit of the Spirit is "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." There is no option. If we are choosing to be filled with the Spirit, we WILL act with this kind of love and it WILL produce joy and peace. "We are equipped" (Volume 2 Number 11). His spirit equips us. Ask yourself if you are ready to obey Him, calling on His power (Ephesians 3:14-21).

In this study I then addressed the concept of hope (Volume 2. Number 15). At the outset, I wanted you to understand that your fulfillment can only come from abiding faith in Jesus as we look forward to the "riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints" (Ephesians 1:18). Your marriage can not be your God. As family therapist/author Frank Pittman wrote "Marriage does not make you happy, it just makes you married." Ask yourself, "Is a future with Jesus and his glorious inheritance enough for me" Volume 2 Number 15 ?

Further, in considering the transforming power of hope, I discussed with you the fact that we have a choice in how we will respond to our husbands (Volume 2 Number 17 ). "Shall I function in my marriage according to the World's standards, or will I choose to respond as Jesus would respond?" Yes, WWJD is the question here. "What would Jesus do?"

Teresa of Avila is quoted in David Lewis, et al. (Dying to Tell)as saying, "Once we experience heaven, the worst of our earthly sufferings will seem like one short night in a bad hotel." There is pain in every marriage (unless you suffer from the Kathie Lee Gifford syndrome). It is this pain that compels you to grow in Jesus. I often tell my clients they must grieve the loss of the dream. As I concluded my discussion of hopeVolume 2 Number 19, I wanted you to understand that you can be "filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy" because of the grace you have received (1 Peter 1:8,9). It is from this fullness and joy that you will find pleasure in choosing the behaviors of the Christ-centered wife. Now try the following internal dialogue: "God has given me salvation in Jesus, what else can matter? I will respond to my husband as Jesus would have me respond."

In the article of Volume 2 Number 21, I attempted to convey the immense sense of gratitude we will feel toward Jesus when we really understand what He has done for us. As we begin to make choices empowered by this gratitude we will experience "...being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit" (2 Corinthians 3:18). The internal dialogue here might be: "Because of the wonderful gift he has given me, it is really a small thing for me to respond to my husband as Jesus would have me respond. And I will be "...transformed into his likeness with ever- increasing glory." What a payoff! This is akin to acting yourself into a feeling, instead of the nearly impossible task of feeling yourself into an action. Our gratitude motivates us, but as we "reflect the Lord's glory, we become more like him with ever increasing glory (2 Corinthians 3:18).

In my next article I will continue to look at our internal dialogue. As I have asked you before, return to Ephesians 3:14-21, and allow this to be your prayer as you change what you say to yourself.

NEXT WEEK'S FEATURE ARTICLE: "Christmas Time and Families"

Norman's e-mail address: nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org