CONTENTS

• JUST VISITING
• APOLOGY
• MAILING DATE CHANGE
• FEATURE ARTICLE "I WISH I HAD THE TIME"
• IF I WERE FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT, I WOULD...
  THE CHRIST-CENTERED WIFE
  WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN YOU TALK TO YOURSELF?
  (Part 3)

  by Mikal Frazier

APOLOGY

Your newsletter hasn't come out on a predictable schedule during the last two weeks. Many of our readers have not received Number 49 at all. Apparently, the problem lies with our server. The newsletter goes out automatically from a server in another location. To date, we have not been able to actually talk with anyone involved with the server. We think they are probably taking off for the holidays. We are going to make an attempt to send out this newsletter again. You may eventually receive multiple copies. Hopefully, we will have the problem corrected by next week.

MAILING DATE CHANGE

Lately, we have encountered some problems getting our e-mail out on the server during the first part of the week. We hope to be able to bypass the problem by sending the newsletter out in the middle of the week. Beginning next week, our newsletter will be issued on Wednesday. Our first issue of 1998 will be dated January 7.

If you are into making New Year's resolutions, I hope you'll resolve to make your relationship with your family a priority in the New Year. Whether you make resolutions or not, the beginning of the New Year is a good time to take stock of your family growth.

Norman

by Norman Bales

Carl Sandburg, the gifted poet, once wrote a poem about a train trip through the corn and soybean fields of Middle America. He recalled riding "one of the crack trains of the nation hurtling across the prairie" but he was disturbed by the thought that the train would eventually rest in a scrap pile. He listened to conversations and paused to reflect on the mortality of the speakers. He pondered their superficial conversations and objectives. "I ask a man in the smoker where he is going and he answers, 'Omaha.'" Sandburg's musings reminded me of childhood train trips to my "Grammie's" house.

Sandburg's thoughts turned to his own goals. He had to do some things in order to earn a living. That takes time. He thought about other things he wanted to do, things his conscience said he should be doing. He concluded, "It takes time. I wish I had the time."

I have a folder in my file cabinet bulging with time management information. I also own books on the subject. I've even read some of them, but I still find myself repeating Carl Sandburg's excuse - "I wish I had the time."

As we prepare to turn the corner into 1998, I want to encourage you to think about the time you spend with your family. Ann and I have just celebrated our thirty-eighth wedding anniversary. As I reflect on this past year, I recall the joys and disappointments in our relationship. At this point I think satisfaction outweighs discontent and I want to keep it that way in 1998. But it takes time.

As I reflect on my relationship with my children, I'm conscious of change. We've gone through the holidays with only one of our four children making it home for Christmas. Distance made it impossible for them all to be here. I keep remembering those years when they all lived at home. How quickly they passed. Time escaped our grasp like a slippery eel. If it would do any good, I would stand on a mountain-top and scream to the parents of young children - "Take the time to deepen those relationships now." Job reminds us "Man, born of woman is of few days and full of trouble. He springs up like a flower and withers away, like a fleeting shadow he does not endure" (Job 14:1-2).

Thirty-eight years ago, Ann and I boarded "The Bales Family Train." Later, we brought four children on board. We had a great ride for awhile, but then the children boarded other family trains, which is the way things are supposed to be. We're still riding our train and still enjoying the ride, but we're not headed for Omaha and we're not going to "Grammie's" house. We're going to our Father's house, which has been prepared by our older brother.

IF I WERE FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT, I WOULD...
THE CHRIST-CENTERED WIFE
WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN YOU TALK TO YOURSELF?

(Part 3)

by Mikal Frazier

"Where there is no vision, the people perish; but he that keepeth the law, happy is he." Proverbs 29:18. There! That is the message. Have a plan. As I continue looking with you at what you say to yourself, let me encourage you talk to yourself about your plan. Make a mission statement. Be intentional. That is the bottom line. For those of us who choose to place our focus on Jesus, we have a vision. Our vision is to follow Him in all that we do, particularly when considering our relationship to our husbands. For the Christ-centered wife, here are more conversation pieces to add to your internal dialogue.

Revelation 21:8 lists those who will suffer the second death and spend eternity in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. Leading this list are the fearful. In my article of AAF, Volume 2, Number 25, I considered the issue of fear in the marital relationship. Fear is at the core of failed relationships. When I know that nothing can separate me from the love of God (Romans 8), what is there to fear in my relationship with my husband? Matthew 10:28 tells me to only fear the "one who can destroy both soul and body in hell." As I talk to myself about this issue I might ask, "What do I have to lose by responding as Jesus would respond?" My answer must be, "There is nothing of consequence I can lose by treating my husband as Jesus would have me treat him, in fact there is everything to gain."

In the next article (AAF, Volume 2, Number 29) I considered with you the issue of integrity. When I have integrity, which is a result of being filled with the Spirit, I have healthy boundaries. I am now able to make choices about how to respond in any situation. Now I have integrity. If I depend on the Spirit within me, and His power, then nothing outside of myself is determining my behavior. My internal dialogue might go something like this: "Because I am depending on His power that dwells within me, I can always choose a response that will be in keeping with what Jesus would have me do. It will be a response out of my fullness rather than my neediness. When I do this I will be glorifying the Father."

The fact that we can only change ourselves was the topic of the day in the article of Volume 2, Number 33. As I began to put some of these principles to work in my life, I would occasionally comment out loud, "I can't fix it." If I could not say it out loud, I would say it to myself. With this knowledge, I am in a position to make some significant change in myself. From my integrity and the fullness of the Spirit I can now choose to assert myself. I no longer need to lash out angrily or stuff my feelings inside, both of which are a result of fear. I can say anything to my husband I need to say, but in a way that will enrich the relationship rather than tear it down. I can use the tool of the "I" message which is presented in this article. Another little piece of internal dialogue to throw in here might be, "When I blame the other person, I will be saying a lot more about my problem than his."

In the article of AAF, Volume 2, Number 38, I discussed the healing power of forgiveness. This healing is emotional, physical and spiritual. It is the only avenue to peace. As I go about the work of forgiveness I must remind myself of the following: "I am not entitled. I am a sinner also. If my offender's pain toward me was by choice, he must be hurting greatly himself." To act as Jesus would and did, I will say to myself, "My relationship with my husband is more important than the issue that divides us."

Finally, I discussed the paradox of submission (AAF, Volume 2, Number 43). Through submission I begin to take charge of myself. I no longer waste energy in senseless power struggles. Occasionally I must submit to the fact that we just agree to disagree. But I am not diminished by any of this. As I look back at the various topics in this series, submission is at the core of each of them. A thought for my internal dialogue is: "I will follow Jesus. He has validated me as no one else can. I will choose to walk in submission. I am not diminished by this choice. My relationships will heal."

Ralph Waldo Emerson said if we line up an ordinary drinking straw with the Gulf Stream, the power of the Gulf Stream flows through that straw. Dear sisters, when we line ourselves up with the Spirit, "keep in step with the Spirit" as in Ephesians 5:25, follow Jesus in Lordship faith, then His power will flow through us just as surely as the power of the Gulf Stream through that drinking straw. As we walk in obedience to Him we can remind ourselves (internal dialogue) of "Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" (Ephesians 3:20).

NEXT WEEK'S FEATURE ARTICLE: "WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT COMMITMENT ON THE TURKEY RIVER"

Norman's e-mail address: nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org