CONTENTS

• JUST VISITING
• THE WALLS SPEAK
• ALREADY TAKEN CARE OF
  by Keith Cross
• FROM THE E-MAILBAG
  "Why does it seem that there are more worries after being married then before?"

Norman

In 2 Timothy 1:5, Paul wrote to his young friend, Timothy, " I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also." How do you pass along your values to those who come after you? Dr. Mark Cogburn, from Shreveport, recently presented an idea I had not previously thought about. He said that we need to make our homes trophy rooms. Dr. Cogburn believes that what we hang on the walls says a lot about what's important to us.

The walls of our home contain visual aids, communicating our values to both family and visitors. We don't display pictures of me depositing my paycheck at the bank. We don't put the appliance warranty agreements on the wall and we don't have the car title framed and posted. We've got pictures of significant events from the distant and recent past in our home - graduations, weddings, growing children and grandchildren. One significant picture from the past (c.1915), shows my grandfather with a hymnbook in his hand, apparently practicing song leading. Grandpa only went to the second grade, but he taught himself to read music. He was so adept at sight reading, that he loved to acquire a new hymnbook and sing every song from cover to cover. He loved to lead congregational singing in the small country churches where he worshipped and he wanted to be the best he could. That's part of my spiritual heritage.

We have a number of paintings in the house. Every painting we own was either donated or painted by a friend. We think our paintings are nice to look at, but we cherish the people who provided them even more than the art. Our refrigerator is the family bulletin board. If we get a copy of something our grandchildren have done at school, it's attached to the refrigerator with a magnet. My late mother-in-law's travel plate collection covers one end of the kitchen wall. It's a reminder that my wife honors her father and mother.

We've got important sayings posted at strategic points throughout the house. My favorite is The House Beautiful - "Where there is faith, there is love, where there love, there is peace, where there is peace, there is God, where there is God, there is no need." My second favorite is the one which says "Eat a live toad for breakfast every day and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day." The frog saying reminds us that life's problems are manageable. I could go on and on with our treasures - because our treasures communicate our ideals, goals and beliefs. Until Dr. Cogburn said what he did, I wasn't even aware that we did it. Take a look at your walls. What do they say to your guests and the members of your family?

A few months ago I had preached a sermon on Christ overcoming our greatest fear; Death! Separation! You can probably imagine where I went with it but it really was stemmed from the idea of cancer. This is a word we hear more each and every day that we are here on this earth. It is one of the most fearful words. Fearful because of a small part in everyone's mind, I believe, called doubt. Oh, even the Christian with great faith has it. Yes, just like the man in Mark 9 who wanted Jesus to heal his son, after the disciples tried & failed, who said, "Lord I believe, help my unbelief." Now I don't know about you but the reality of that statement really hits home with me as well as many others that I know and love. That little bit of doubt that we struggle with from time to time is real. I believe that there will be many surprised people, including believers, who will say, "It really is true!" when the great day of judgment arrives. I guess it's the fear of the unknown. The fear of death.

When we hear the word cancer, we hear the word, death. Separation. That's the greatest problem that Christ overcame for us. Therefore, to the faithful believer, cancer, like death, is so limited. Think about it: "It cannot cripple love", but rather strengthens it. "It cannot shatter hope", but develops it. "It cannot corrode faith", but encourages it. "It cannot destroy peace", but ensures the peace Christ gave us (Jn.14:27). "It cannot kill friendship", but rather builds it. "It cannot suppress memories", but cause us to cherish them. "It cannot silence courage", but rather insist on it. "It cannot invade the soul", it belongs to God. "It cannot steal eternal life", Jesus has already given it to us. "It cannot conquer the Spirit", nor will it ever.

The words that are in quotations, in the above paragraph, I read from a church bulletin somewhere. They are so true when we really stop to think about it, aren't they? When we truly have things in their proper perspective and Christ is the center of our lives, these words are so true. Even when cancer hits so close to home that we just can't stand it, they're still true. Christ has overcome our greatest problem ever! Everything else fails... Yes we will still fear the world and the physical struggles of it, but in reality, Christ has already taken care of it all. Trust Him! He really has taken care of man's greatest fear.

I've recently done one of the hardest funerals I ever had to do. Yet in reality, it was the easiest. Easy because she was a very faithful lady who knew where her citizenship really was. Heaven. She knew right up to her last breath. For eight years we prayed for a miracle. She did all she could possibly do and had times of remission. Cancer never got her spirit because she knew that Christ had already taken care of our greatest problem. Although she wanted, so badly, just one more remission, she knew the miracle already done, was remission of sin by God's only Son.

So friends keep praying for a miracle. That's okay, but know without doubt, that Christ has already taken care of the problem of the coming day. And when we remove the doubt, the fear goes away.

Keith Cross E-mail address: Cross5512@juno.com

"Why does it seem that there are more worries after being married than before?"

ANSWER:

The first word that comes to my mind is "responsibility." The dynamics of a relationship completely change with marriage. Prior to marriage, it is understood that relationships are not expected to be permanent. Either party is free to terminate the relationship at any time. There may be some emotional pain involved, but nobody had any strings on anybody else. That changes dramatically at the wedding ceremony. At the wedding ceremony, we pledge ourselves to live with this person for better or worse until the bond in broken by death. That's a very weighty thing. Sometimes, in the first years of marriage, we start asking ourselves, "What on earth have I done? I've committed myself to this person for life and now I'm finding out that means I must do this thing that I don't like and I have to tolerate another thing in the other person that I don't like.

The second word that comes to my mind is "change." Prior to marriage, we discover things about one another that we don't like. Because we are so fond of one another, we are willing to put our grievances on the back burner. Too often we subconsciously, or even consciously think, "When we're marriage he/she will change." Guess what? They don't usually change. Not only that. They become downright resistant to the suggestions we make about change. It now becomes an issue of control and if someone doesn't back off, we're headed for a full scale battle royal. A mother once wisely counseled her daughter, "the alter won't altar him and the rites won't right him."

The third word I think of is "adjustment." In the worlds in which we were raised, life was carried out according to certain unspoken, but fundamental rules. There was a "right" way to squeeze the toothpaste tube, load the toilet tissue holder and leave the john lid upon exiting the bathroom. Shortly after marriage we often discover that our "right" way is not really the "right" way according to one's spouse. I will never forget our early argument about who takes out the trash. According to my wife, that's the man job. I asked her to show me that in the Bible. In the early years of marriage, we are working out what we will take and what we won't take and it can be a scary ride sometimes. That's why I'm absolutely convinced that the Christian principle of "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is absolutely essential to a healthy marriage.

Norman

NEXT WEEK'S STUDY ARTICLE: "Guidelines for Parenting"