CONTENTS

• JUST VISITING
• FEATURE ARTICLE:
  Marriage After Your Golden Anniversary (5)
  Keeping Your Dreams Alive
  by Norman and Ann Bales
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  Just Visiting>

  A Frenchman named Paul Valery once said, "The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be." That's a reasonably accurate assessment of the challenge that faces people in the declining years of their lives. We think slower, move slower, become more aware of aches and pains, get by on less money, and we sometimes feel like we don't belong in a world that's controlled by people younger than we are. However, that doesn't mean we are reduced to becoming spectators in a world that has little use or need for what we have to offer. And it doesn't mean that our marital happiness has already passed the peak of satisfaction and can only recede from now on. As long as we're alive and thinking we need dreams to fuel our energy. Our greatest happiness may well be in the years ahead of us.

  Norman

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  Marriage After Your Golden Anniversary (5)
  
  by Norman and Ann Bales

  We grew up listening to the song, "When I Grow Too Old To Dream" (lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein II). The song expresses a promise to the one with whom life is shared. "When I grow too old to dream…Your love will live in my heart." It's an affirmation of unconditional commitment, and we surely need more of that in today's world. Nevertheless we've got a bit of a problem with the song.

  We're septuagenarians (past seventy) and we haven't stopped dreaming. Furthermore we don't intend to. There's more to experience in life than we can possibly get around to in one lifetime.

  There's a long list of people who achieved great things late in life.

  • Ronald Reagan was pushing seventy when he became president of the United States.
  • George Burns won an academy award when he was 80.
  • Winston Churchill was past eighty when he completed A History of the English Speaking People.
  • When Gladstone became Prime Minister of England he was 83.
  • Frank Lloyd Wright completed the Guggenheim Museum when he was 89.
  • Grandma Moses was painting when she was 100.

  We all know people who suffer a decline in mental ability in old age, and none of us can guarantee that we will be exempt. Our bodies may not function as well as they once did, but there's no reason why rational people shouldn't continue to dream as long as they live.

  Longfellow wrote

  Ah, nothing is too late
  Till the tired heart shall cease to palpitate.

  Our dreams help keep our relationships alive and in a growth mode. We're privileged to know others who think the same way. Garth and Doris Black have been friends of ours for many years. They're older than we are. Garth is 80 and Doris is 79. They've always had their dreams. Among other things they've dreamed of traveling to the South Pacific. At last they've been able to book a tour, and they're as excited as any two tourists you can imagine. We applaud them for sticking with their dream.

  Maybe you won't ever be able to take a trip around the world, a Caribbean cruise, or a trip to Hawaii, but there's nothing to keep you from dreaming. We feel sorry for those who say, "We've already lived all our dreams."

  Your dreams don't have to involve trips, entertainment experiences, and recreational fulfillment. More realistically, the dreams might involve relationship growth, spiritual development, more satisfactory communication. Maybe you've got some service project in mind that excites you. We know several older people who visit small churches for the purpose of lending a helping hand when those churches are struggling. It's amazing how unselfish service takes your mind off your aches and pains.

  Maybe we just need to dream of a time when we can come to appreciate one another more, live more unselfish lives, and develop the skills to become compassionate caregivers if our partners' health should decline.

  A few years ago we met an 83 year old salesman. We got acquainted with him in the last three months of his life as he battled cancer. He was out making sales calls every work day until he was diagnosed with a terminal disease. We have always admired the way he chose to live his life. He was always looking forward to something else. To us that's a good way to live. Do you have any dreams? If not, why not?

  (To Be Continued)
  * * * * * If you have questions about marriage and family relationships, you can " ASK THE COUNSELOR" Address your questions to Mikal Frazier. Her address is mikalmft@bellsouth.net

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  Central Church of Christ
  1500 First Avenue NW
  Cedar Rapids, IA 52405
  (319) 362-1540

  E-mail:
  Norman Bales: Norman's e-mail address: nlbales@allaboutfamilies.org
  Ann Bales: ann@allaboutfamilies.org
  Mikal Frazier: mikal@allaboutfamilies.org
  "Jim Bales"jbales@prcoc.org
  Web:allaboutfamilies.org
  allaboutfamilies.org/sh
  

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