IN THIS ISSUE
- TEACHING VALUES TO CHILDREN
- FROM THE E-MAIL BAG "How can we bring things to be the way they use to be now that there's so much pain and loss of trust, is there a road to rebuilding what we have lost?"
- BABYOPOLY
by Norman Bales
Recently, someone asked me if I had any suggestions
about teaching values to children. As I reflect on my attempt
to rear four active children in a Christian environment, I believe
the most effective approach involved utilization of "the
teachable moment." My children didn't respond well to my
lectures, especially the ones which started with, "when I
was your age."
Believe it or not children do open a window
opportunity for teaching, but sometimes its hard to see the window.
Perhaps your child will come to you and say, "Dad, teach
me about my Christian responsibility when I'm old enough to date."
If that occurred in your family, I need to learn from you.
I never had that experience.
The teachable moment occurs in ordinary life
experiences. Sometimes you may teach a valuable spiritual lesson
without even realizing it. My oldest son had an after school
job and we had only one car. For two years, I broke into my
schedule, picked him up after school and drove him to work.
I met him at the end of his work day and we rode back home together,
usually in animated conversation. Sometimes he was moody and
didn't want to talk. I decided that a moody moment is not a
teachable moment, so I let silence prevail. As I look back on
it, we talked about every important thing under the sun. Oh,
we didn't have Bible classes, but Christianity got worked into
the conversation. We even thought about writing a book about
our experience. We thought we could call it From Baseball
to Bible.
Our conversations actually led to the beginning
of a family ritual. If our son went out on a date to some school
activity to a ball game, he regularly came to our bedroom afterwards
and proceeded to plop his 6 foot 5 inch frame in between us to
review the happenings of the day. That procedure went through
four children. I'm glad we had a king sized bed. It proved
to be a magnificent teaching aid.
The teachable moment concept of communicating
values has Biblical roots. Through Moses, God directed the children
of Israel, "These commandments that I give you today are
to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about
them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when
you lie down and when you get up. (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). If a
more structured approach works for you, that's fine, but in today's
busy world, "the teachable moment" is a powerful tool
ANSWER: The Chinese have a saying, "you
can never step into the same river twice." The same thing
is true in marriage. You cannot bring things back to where they
used to be. It's also true that you cannot undo the unwise things
you've done in the past. A counselor once told me "Yesterday
is gone forever; tomorrow; if there is to be a tomorrow will be
today when it gets here, so we have only today." I would
suggest that you try concentrate on living each day in loving
service to each other. Jesus said, "Therefore do not worry
about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day
has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34). If you try
to anticipate what your marriage is going to be like ten years
from now, it may frustrate you, but you can most certainly deal
with today's crises.
Your inquiry suggest that you have distanced
yourself from God. I'm glad you recognize that fact, because
it is the first step toward rebuilding. Some years ago, my wife
and I went through a terrible crisis in our marriage and for us
the key to rebuilding our relationship was rooted in deepening
our relationship with God. We discussed the scriptures together,
prayed together, stayed close to our spiritual family in the church
and talked about our problems in the light of God's will. We
went through many ups and down in the process of trying to work
through our difficulty, but early on we made this resolve. "We
may lose some of the battles, but we will not lose the war."
We made a commitment to God and to each other. That meant we
would stay together through thick and thin. Our choice was not
to stay married or walk away. Our choice was to live together
in misery or live together in happiness. We decided we liked
happiness a whole lot better. That crisis occurred 20 years
ago. We're still together and we have a solid, enjoyable relationship.
We did not return to the way things were before
the crisis. Before the crisis, we were immature, self centered
and frustrated. We decided to chart a new course and we like
it much better than the old course. Maybe it will work for you.
TEACHING VALUES TO CHILDREN
FROM THE E-MAIL BAG:
QUESTION: How
can we bring things to be the way they use to be now that there's
so much pain and loss of trust, is there a road to rebuilding
what we have lost?