All About Families, June 3, 1996


	Volume 1 Number 19 June 3, 1996 Norman Bales, Editor CONTENTS: JUST VISITING KEEPING THE FLAVOR IN MARRIAGE THOUGHTFUL QUOTES FROM OTHERS CONCERNING MARRIAGE A GAME FOR MARRIED COUPLES JUST VISITING June is the traditional month for weddings. If you're planning to get married this month, or if you know someone who is planning to get married, I offer congratulations. I hope you get lots of wedding presents, enjoy a beautiful wedding and a delightful honeymoon. But more than anything else, I want you to have a rewarding marriage. Too many people invest enormous energy in wedding plans and very little energy in marriage plans. I'm hoping the sweetness in your marriage lasts far beyond the honeymoon. That's the subject of this week's feature article. KEEPING THE FLAVOR IN MARRIAGE by Norman Bales As far as I'm concerned the fellow who invented chewing gum created a product that comes close to being entirely useless. It gives me sore jaws; I can't find a place to get rid of the stuff; and the flavor doesn't last very long. It does have one practical advantage. If you chew vigorously enough on an airplane flight, it will keep your ears from popping. I chew gum only on plane flights and when I do I pop the stuff in my mouth just as the plane leaves the runway hoping that the pilot will gain altitude before the flavor runs out, whereupon I discard the used portion in the little bag supplied for those who suffer from air sickness. When I look at the divorce rate in society, I think a lot of folks are treating marriage the way I treat chewing gum. When the flavor is gone, they tire of their partner and start looking for a way of getting rid of the person they took for "better or worse, till death do us part." Marriage does not have to grow stale with the passing of the years. You have to work at it, but you can keep excitement growing in a marriage for twenty, thirty even fifty years or more. Those married couples who keep the flavor in their marriage are those who keep appreciation alive. In one of his Lake Wobegon monologues, humorist Garrison Keillor describes a long married fictional couple at the dinner table. The husband consumes a generous portion of his wife's latest culinary efforts (which is the same dish she has prepared during their forty plus years of marriage) and says tenderly, "That's the best you've ever done." Appreciation keeps the flavor in this kind of marriage. So many marriages go sour because married couples focus on the negatives. The flavor goes out of the marriage by the end of the honeymoon, because the newlyweds begin to recognize each other's faults and they settle into a pattern of complaining, criticizing and fault finding. But when married couples treat one another with thoughtful consideration, with genuine expressions of praise, the flavor stays in and nobody wants to discard that kind of relationship. The apostle Paul wrote, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29). People who practice that principle in marriage never lose the flavor. THOUGHTFUL QUOTES FROM OTHERS CONCERNING MARRIAGE "If it is the job of a church to bond couples for life, it has to provide more help before and after." - Michael McManus. "One of the cardinal sins in marriage is to be a bore. Are you still telling the same dumb jokes that you told when you two were dating? Do you walk around in sweatshirts or an old smock, with your hair in rollers?" - James Becherer. "Don't decide your marriage is hopelessly dull until you make yourself as pleasing as possible and give your marriage partner a chance to please you. - Ruth Millet "Selfishness is the greatest single enemy of a happy marriage." - Paul Faulkner A GAME FOR MARRIED COUPLES Several years ago, Dr. A. Jack Turner, a psychologist, invented a game to enhance marital happiness. He called it, "Catch Your Spouse Doing Something Good Today." Here's how it works. Husbands and wives commit themselves to write down at least one thing the other spouse does that gives pleasure. The exercise is done every day. If you recognize something your spouse has done to please you, then you feel more inclined to please your spouse. NEXT WEEK'S STUDY OUTLINE: "The Art of Listening"