Hi!

We're back again with our newsletter sooner than we anticipated. As I told you in our first newsletter, I'm indebted to Vic Phares for helping me get this started. Vic is a technonerd (Nah, just kidding Vic's really not a nerd). He sure does know a lot about computers and a lot of stuff that I don't begin to understand. Anyway Vic says "Norman, I think we need to go weekly." I gulped and wondered if I could really put that much stuff together. After thinking about it for a while I decided I could if we varied the format from week to week. This week, you're getting a study outline. It involves how we get along with people Surely, we all need to work at getting along with the members of our families. I hope you find the outline is useful. - Norman

I.   Why we intentionally avoid certain people.
     A.   Negative experiences of the past.  
     B.   Prejudice.  
     C.   Insecurity.  Perhaps we perceive others to be more intelligent, morally
           superior or more proficient at some task than we are. 
          1.   Is that a good reason for avoiding them?
          2.   Guy Greenfield,  "We Need Each Other" (Baker, 1984)  writes, "I
               have a theory that arrogant people tend to be very insecure."  Do
               you agree with this theory?
               If his observation is correct, why are they so arrogant?
     D.   Social class.  This works both ways.  The rich and the poor both avoid
          each other and the middle class avoids both.
     E.   Resentments.    Former New York City Mayor Edward Koch once said, "I
          don't get ulcers, I get even."   How well does that philosophy really work
          in life?
     F.   We avoid people who display what we think are "obnoxious" behavior
          patterns.  What are some of these?
II.  The Bible on avoidance.
     A.   Certain people are to be avoided for various reasons.
          1.   Under the limited commission, those who went out to preach were
               told to avoid those who would not welcome God's messengers
               (Matthew 10:14).
          2.   Those who treat holy things disrespectfully are to be avoided.
               (Matthew 7:6).
          3.   False prophets are to be avoided (Matthew 7:15).
          4.   Those who persist in sin after being repeatedly appealed to by the
               church should be avoided (Matthew 18:15-17).
          5.   Those who cause division in the church are to be avoided
               (Romans 16:17).
          6.   Those who persist in blatant immorality are to be avoided (I
               Corinthians 5:9-11).
          7.   Those whose influence results in corrupt behavior are to be
               avoided (I Corinthians 15:33).
     B.   How can we practice these principles and avoid self righteousness?
          1.   Recognize that we have a responsibility to the world, even though
               we do not live by the world's standards.  (John 15-19).
          2.   Follow the example of Jesus in associating with people of the
               world, responding to their needs, listening to their pain, while
               remaining committed to doing the will of the Father. (Matthew
               9:10-13).
          3.   Paul said that we are to become "all things to all men." (I
               Corinthians 9:22).
               a.   What are the positive implications of that principle?
               b.   How do we harmonize that principle with the concept of
                    avoiding those who practice immoral acts?  (I Cor. 5:10)
     C.   "My reading of the New Testament about what Jesus did and what the
          early Christians did convinces me that the unchurched people in our
          communities need our witness, friendship, and acceptance as persons. 
          If Christians have anything to offer non-Christians, then they ought to
          give it to them, not run and hide."  (Greenfield p. 56).   How can we learn
          to practice this principle in a more effective way?
III. Overcoming intentional avoidance.  While recognizing that it is sometimes
     desirable to intentionally avoid others for a variety of legitimate reasons,
     sometimes we need to make the first move toward tearing down the barriers
     that isolate us from each other.   The following principles can help.
     A.   Re-evaluate the past by learning where people "are coming from?"
     B.   Analyze your reasons for disliking certain people.
     C.   If you are insecure around certain people, if you avoid other people
          because you think they are superior in some way, remember that we all
          have certain strengths and weaknesses.
          1.   "We are all ignorant, just on different subjects" - Willard Tate 
          2.   When I  was a college freshman I had the  job of caring for the
               lawn of the school's president.  I  was amazed when  I found out
               this highly respected educator did not know how a lawn edger
               works.
     D.   Let go of anger.  Long term resentments will hurt you more than it will
          hurt the person you resent. (Ephesians 4:31-32)
     E.   Seek reconciliation. (Matthew 5:23-24)
     F.   Try to look beyond the "obnoxious" behavior of people who irritate you to
          the real needs of their lives.

In Jeffrey Archer's powerful novel Kane and Abel, William Kane and Abel Ravsnosky are bitter enemies. When their children marry each other, both men disinherit their children. After Kane's death, Abel learns that Kane had secretly made arrangements for him to receive a loan during the depression years which rescued him from financial disaster. Abel grieves bitterly over his lifetime of resentment. Regretfully he says, "We might have been friends." So could it be with someone whom you might be avoiding at the present time.

The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced husbands and wives often practice avoidance. If you and your spouse find yourself avoiding each other, it might be a good idea to figure out why you're doing it.

NEXT WEEK'S FEATURE: "Only Children Are People Too"