Much of the miscommunication between married couples can be traced to a failure to listen. Today our objective is to become more sensitive to the challenge of listening.

I.   Listening is an extremely difficult discipline.
     A.   Sometimes people have trouble listening to God. (Matthew
            13:14; Acts 7:51; James 1:23-24).
     B.   Why is it so difficult to be a good listener.
          1.   Most of us would rather speak than listen.  We are more
               comfortable in asserting our own opinions, beliefs and
               feelings than we are in listening to someone else.
          2.   Many of us filter the things that other people say
                through our own  prejudices, opinions and feelings.  
          3.   We find it difficult to listen because we second guess
                other people.
               a.   We do this when we never allow a spouse to put a
                     period on the end of a sentence.
               b.   The author of Proverbs exposes the flaw of second
                    guessing when he writes in Proverbs 18:12,, "He
                    who answers before listening -- that is his folly
                    and his shame."   - "What a shame - yes how stupid
                    to decide before knowing the facts." (Living Bible
                    Paraphrased)
          4.   Most often we fail to listen, because we are threatened
                 by what  we hear.
               a.   Such was the case of the men who stoned Stephen
                    (Acts 7:57).
               b.   In marriage, we often fear hearing the other
                     person's  suggestion for change.
               c.   Or perhaps we may be thinking, "if I really
                     listen, then the other person may really listen
                     to me and I will be
                    exposed for what I am."
II.  But we must listen.
     A.   Someone has said, "God gave us one mouth and two ears, which
            suggest that we ought to listen twice as much as we talk."
            
           (See James 1:19; Mark 4:24).
     B.   Why husbands and wives must listen to each other.
          1.   If you don't listen to your spouse, you are saying that
                you don't  care what your spouse thinks or feels.
          2.   Your spouse must be heard if you expect  your spouse to
                feel  respected (Proverbs 27:2).   "At all times in
                our lives we  must have at least one person who cares about us
               and who we care for ourselves.  If we do not have this
               essential person, we will not be able to fulfill our
               basic needs." - Dr. William Glasser.
III. Suggestions for improving our listening.
     A.   Accept the fact that listening is a difficult skill to
            acquire.
          1.   To hear the actual words spoken is one thing.  To
                understand is  something else again.
          2.   Once I was discussing racial issues with a black
                person.  At one  point in the conversation, I said, "I
                know how you feel."  He said, "Norman, you can't understand how I
               feel unless you can get inside my skin."   I've been
               very careful about claiming how much I understand ever
               since that time.
     B.   Over ride the tune out button. It seems that men come into
            this world  equipped with a "tune out" button.   The next
            time a domestic conversation heats up make a special
            effort to hear what was said.
     C.   Check your listening.  You might say something like "Did I
            hear you  correctly?"  "Did you mean to say?" "What I
            think you said is this."
     D.   Be alert to non-verbal signals.  (Proverbs 6:17; 15:1).
          1.   In a 1968 study, Abraham Mehrebian concluded that 93
                per cent  of our communication is non-verbal and only
                7 percent is verbal. Those figures may be open to
                question, but in a general sense, they are accurate.
          2.   If my wife calls me "honey" in a caustic tone of voice,
                I'm probably  going to hear the sarcasm before I hear
                the word, "honey."
          3.   A husband decided he needed to do a better job of
               communicating with his wife.  He stopped by a florist,
               picked up an expensive bouquet and handed it to his
               wife as he entered the door.   His only verbal remark
               was "here,"  which he grunted as he handed her the
               flowers.  He promptly retired to the den and turned on
               the television set.   She was not impressed and it's
               not hard to figure why.

NEXT WEEK'S FEATURE ARTICLE: "BEING 'FATHER' MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE"