CONTENTS:
JUST VISTING
In "Fiddler on the Roof" Tevye, the Jewish peasant farmer, finds himself perplexed by his changing world. For generations marriages had been arranged by parents in Tevye's environment. Suddenly his daughter wanted to marry the man she professed to "love." Marrying for love was as strange to Tevye's world as arranged marriages would be to ours. So Tevye asked his wife, "Do you love me?" Good question. But what does it mean? I want to share some of my thoughts on that subject with you today.ROMANCE OR COMMITMENT?
by Norman BalesBefore you send a tar and feather brigade to attack me for criticizing love, let me quickly say that I am not disparaging love in the Biblical sense. Ephesians 5:28 declares that "husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies." The scriptures also talk about training "...the younger women to love their husbands and children" (Titus 2:4). In these verses love means to seek the welfare and best interests of the person being loved. That's not what it means in the "love and marriage" song.
"Love and Marriage" promotes romance - the flutter in the stomach that a person feels upon being smitten by the charms of another. Somehow we have bought into the notion that marriage cannot exist without romantic attraction. Of course we have forgotten the fact that marriages were arranged by parents throughout most of human history.
Romance can be extremely intense for a little while, but it always subsides. When I was in the seventh grade, I fell in love for the very first time. Maryleen, a little blond headed, blue eyed girl, sat in the seat just ahead of me. I thought she was the prettiest thing that ever walked. I daydreamed about Maryleen instead of working on my homework. One day, I wrote these words on my notebook, "Maryleen, I love you." One of my mischievous classmates saw it, snatched the note away and gave it to Maryleen. To my great surprise the feeling was mutual.
For the next month, Maryleen and I were inseparable. We were so devoted to each other that we paid little attention to anything else in the world. From our standpoint, the experience was exhilarating; everybody else thought it was sickening.
Then my parents pulled a dirty trick. They moved to another community and I no longer saw Maryleen at school every day. We wrote letters for about a month and then Maryleen disappeared from my life forever. Romantic love is that way. It waxes and wanes because it is built solely on fluctuating feelings.
Marriage is based on commitment not romance. The only kind of love that will survive the years is one that consistently and sacrificially acts in the best interest of one's spouse. When somebody comes to me and says, "I don't love my wife anymore," I want to tell that man, "Then why are you sitting here talking with me? Go home and love her."