CONTENTS:
JUST VISITING
Twenty years ago, Ann and I passed through a horrible marriage crisis. During that period of time, someone recommended that I read "Husbands, Do Yourself a Favor; Love Your Wife." by Page Williams. I got so mad at what I read that I could hardly read more than a page a time before throwing the book down in disgust. Eventually, I worked up to a chapter at a time. I would have to say that Williams "in-your-face" indictment of husbands got my attention.I once heard a story about a farmer, who set out to train a city slicker in the art of training mules. He said, "You have to treat a mule, gently." Then without any further explanation, he picked up a two-by-four and whacked the mule right between the ears. The city slicker said, "I thought you said you have to treat a mule, gently." The farmer said, "You do, but you have to get his attention first." Page Williams book was like a two-by-four across the top of my head. I'll have to admit that today's study outline is a not-so-subtle attempt to gain the attention of husbands, but if you'll stay with it and practice the suggestions included, good things can result.
HOW TO TREAT YOUR WIFE
INTRODUCTION
Let's start by considering what our wives actually want from us. A
group of wives were asked, "If your husband would agree to give you
anything you would ask of him, what one thing would you ask for? I
think their list may surprise you. Here's what they said.
1. More time.
2. More understanding.
3. Stronger leadership.
4. Affection in public.
5. "If he could just teach me like he teaches
others." (that came from a preacher's wife.)
6. "That he wouldn't think he has all the answers."
7. "That he doesn't always have to give me all the answers."
8. "Be more forgiving."
9. "I would like for him to pass me the salt first." (They had been married
34 years).
10. "I would like for him to fix the car lights."
11. "I would like to have a weekly allowance and not have to give account
for what I do with it."
12. "Listen to me instead of making me feel like I'm talking to a hollow tree."
13. "For him to like me fat and gray."
14. "To care more about my feelings when those feelings
are not the same as his own."
15. "Pay more compliments and notice me more."
16. "Accept me as I am."
17. "Need me more."
Here's what they didn't ask for.
1. Wealth.
2. Prestige.
3. Power.
DISCUSSION
I. God wants husbands to be providers.
A. Passages of Scripture on the husband's role as a provider.
1. The husband was given the responsibility to provide
for the family following his expulsion from the Garden of Eden
(Genesis 3:17-19).
2. Jacob wanted to provide for his family (Genesis
30:30).
3. The law required husbands to support their
wives (Exodus 21:10)
4. Even so, earning income was not
an exclusive prerogative of husbands. (Proverbs 31:15-16).
5. 1 Timothy 5:8 "If anyone does not provide for his
relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied
the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."
B. Some questions to think about.
1. Does a husband complete his role as a provider when
he produces financial income?
2. What other areas might the term "provider" extend to?
II. God wants husbands to be leaders.
A. Scripture study - Ephesians 5:21-28. I meet men who
wouldn't know how to find Ephesians in the Bible, but they know what Ephesians
5 says because they think it gives them permission to exercise tyrannical
leadership in the home. But is that really what the text is saying?
B. Questions about the text.
1. What does the term "head" mean?
2. Does it mean the right to dominate?
3. Does it mean the right to demand?
4. Does it mean "the buck stops here?"
5. Does it mean the right to avoid menial tasks (washing
dishes, helping with meal preparation, cleaning house, etc.)
6. What is meant by "he who loves his wife loves
himself." (28) 7. What is meant by "husbands ought to
love their wives as their own bodies."
8. Does the submission command in verse 21 apply to
husbands? 9. What is meant by "Husbands love your wives,
just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."
C. The pattern for a husband's love of his wife is seen in the
example of Jesus, who modeled servanthood. (Mark 10:45).
D. Autocratic leadership and servant leadership compared.
1. Autocratic leaders decide without asking questions;
servant leaders listen.
2. Autocratic leaders become defensive when challenged; servant leaders
ask, "Is it true?" when challenged.
3. Autocratic leaders manipulate people; servant leaders
use persuasion and example to gain cooperation.
4. Autocratic leaders make statements such as "You do as
I say," "you'd better do," "you must do." Servant leaders makes
statement such as, "Let's do," "We might have done," and "let's try."
5. Autocratic leaders make demands; servant leaders make
requests.
6. Autocratic leaders generate friction; servant leaders generate acceptance.
7. Autocratic leaders avoid taking blame; servant leaders accept
responsibility when things go wrong.
III. God wants husbands to honor their wives.
A. 1 Peter 3:7 "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as
you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker
partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing
will hinder your prayers." 1. Notice that a failure to honor one's wife is
a hinderance to prayer.
2. It should also be noted that the husband is responsible for spiritual
leadership in the home.
3. In most churches, women account for 60 percent or
more of the membership. They are more involved and more
dependable than the men. Why is it that way?
B. Many problems that women face today could be avoided if
more men would
honor their wives.
1. James Dobson once asked 5,000 women to rank, in
order, the causes of depression. The number one cause of all was
loss of self- esteem. Fifty percent of them put the loss of self-esteem
at the top of the list. Eighty per cent put it in the top five.
2. Part of the problem stems from the fact that men and women develop their
sense of self esteem in different ways. In another survey, men and women
were asked to define who they were .
a. 79 % of the men defined themselves in terms of function
(occupations, skills, etc.)
b. 84 % of the women defined themselves in terms
of relationships.
C. Ways a husband can honor his wife.
1. Praise - Proverbs 31:29
2. Time (and don't get caught in the "quality vs.
quantity" trap; it takes both).
3. Thoughtfulness and consideration
CONCLUSION
Husbands could do a much better job in being husbands if they would read some of the fine materials that are available. A Christian book seller told me that 80 per cent of those who buy Christian books are women. That's a shame and disgrace. I know guys, who think nothing of spending $25 to $50 on a manual that gives them detailed instruction on how to fix their cars, but wouldn't spend a dime on a book to tell them how to be better husbands. Are our cars really worth more than our wives?May I suggest just a few good books:
James Dobson. "What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Them"
James Dobson. "Straight Talk to Men and Their Wives"
J. Allan Petersen. "For Men Only."
Gary Smalley and John Trent "Love is a Decision"
and (if you can stand it)
Page Williams "Husbands Do Yourself a Favor; Love Your Wives"
Norman Bales
NEXT WEEK'S FEATURE ARTICLE: "Roller Coasters and Marriage"