CONTENTS:

• JUST VISITING
• FEATURE ARTICLE: "Who's Roy Rogers?"
• MIKAL'S MORSELS AND BYTES FOR THE FAMILY
  "Fly the Airplane"
• FROM THE E-MAIL BAG

JUST VISITING

Back in 1994, grandchildren, ages four and eight, lived in the high desert country of California. My son is a career army officer and he served a tour of duty at Fort Irwin in the Mojave Desert. When we went to visit them, I proposed a trip to Victorville and a tour of the Roy Rogers Museum. Before we went, Hunter and Audrey asked, "Who's Roy Rogers?" I told them that he is the "King of the Cowboys," but that didn't mean much to them either. Audrey was an honor student and Hunter was sharp enough to work with the family computer at the age of four. But when they told me they didn't know anything about Roy Rogers, I considered them educationally disadvantaged.

That innocent question reminded me that we do not automatically maintain a sense of historical continuity between generations. The personalities, experiences and events that everyone took for granted during my childhood are virtually unknown in the present day world. Maybe that's why Carl Sandburg once said, "The past is a bucketful of ashes."

I can assure you that my grandchildren now know who Roy Rogers is. They've even seen Trigger stuffed and mounted along with numerous other artifacts and memorabilia associated with the cowboy movie star. I hope that as a grandparent, I can contribute something more significant than their knowledge of a cowboy movie star from the forties, but I sure had fun introducing them to the "King of the Cowboys."

I don't want to come across to them as a fossilized old relic who doesn't have a clue about what's going on in today's world. I can identify Harrison Ford, Sam Elliott, and an actor named Kevin somebody, who appeared in Dances With Wolves. Beyond that I don't know too many of today's movie heroes, but I do want to be a grandfather who lives in the nineties (the 1990s not the 1890s). There's nothing sadder than people who live in the past and refuse to deal with the world as it is right now, but it is a foolish thing to ignore the past. Winston Churchill said, "A love for tradition has never weakened a nation; indeed it has strengthened nations in the hour of peril."

Families need traditions and grandparents have an opportunity to serve as family historians. But it's not just the family traditions and recollections of the "good old days" that need to be passed along. Genuine values need to be handed down from the older generation. In the Bible, Paul wrote to Timothy, "I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also" (2 Timothy 1:5). The work of training children is not done when your own children reach adulthood. Your grandchildren also need to profit from you experience and knowledge.

We had been in the air about 30 minutes. Charles Waters was the pilot. He and my husband owned the single engine plane together and he had needed to travel to Arlington, Texas, the same day I was scheduled to attend a crisis counseling workshop in the same area.

The flight was smooth as silk when all of a sudden a terrible racket came from what seemed to be the engine and the plane began shuddering from stem to stern. I turned to Charles and said, "Have we lost the engine?". He answered, "Yes, we have."

Several years before I had taken a few flying lessons, so I knew the first thing we were to do was find a place to land. It was still very dark as we had taken off before dawn. We were over East Texas where pine trees filled in the geography along with people and power lines.

Charles immediately checked controls, as he had been trained to do in an emergency of that kind. Then he switched the radio to the emergency channel. I heard him say "Mayday, Mayday". A lady's voice came over the speaker and she inquired about our emergency. Charles described our situation and told her our location. She said, "We have you on radar".

Then she asked, "How many souls on board?" Charles replied, "Two souls on board." My thoughts escalated with my fear, "Oh, that sounds pretty eternal."

Next I heard her say, "Sir, turn (some number of degrees) and Harrison County Airfield is five miles at twelve o'clock." At that time I thought, "Well ma'am, why not Mexico City or Paris?" I didn't know our aircraft could glide a mile for every 1000 feet of altitude and we were descending from 6500 feet.

Charles followed her instructions. He pointed that airplane toward the airfield and flew the airplane. Soon we were circling over the airfield and I sid, "We're going to make it aren't we." He replied, "Yes, we are going to make it."

As we lined up for the landing, all of a sudden he began a steep dive into the landing strip. I was certain we would be dashed to the pavement. I asked, "Can you pull it up?" He answered, "Yes, I can pull it up". Charles was flying the airplane just as he was trained to do. He was using up altitude and getting us down because we didn't have the option of another landing attempt.

Charles flew that airplane and we landed safely. My memory from that 1987 morning is that we both had an all-consuming case of the shakes and an absolutely overwhelming feeling of gratitude.

As a student pilot, Charles was drilled, "No matter what happens, or what is going on around you, YOU FLY THE AIRPLANE!"

When I visit with clients I often think, "If you can just weather the storm in this relationship, and do what you know is right, even if it doesn't feel right, you can emerge stronger, wiser, and extremely content." Fly the airplane.

(Mikal Frazier is a licensed family therapist with a private practice in Minden and Bossier City, Louisiana. Her e-mail address is frazier02@aol.com.)

FROM TEXAS: " Hi, just wanted to drop a line to say thank you to you and all involved with the newsletter. (We) get so much from it and we share it at our Bible study. Just wanted to let ya'll know that it is appreciated and used."

A QUESTION ABOUT RESTORING BROKEN TRUST

"The hurt you feel in the experience that damaged your relationship is like a wound to your body. It is a very severe wound, not unlike a gunshot wound or being slashed by a knife. But if you keep picking at the scab, the wound is never going to get well. What you need to do is apply some soothing medicine to the wound. Like any medicine, you will need to continue applying it over and over until it starts to heal. The memory of the wound will always be there. I've got a few scars on my body from various knicks and cuts that I received over the years. The scars are still there and I remember how I got each and everyone of them. But the point is those wounds don't hurt anymore. They're just there. So it is with emotional wounds. If you'll keep applying the medicine, the time will come when you will stop hurting. The scar may be there, but it won't hurt. On the other hand, if you keep picking at the scab, it's never going to get well. Oh by the way, I didn't mention the name of the medicine. It's called 'forgiveness'. The first time you say, 'I forgive you,' you may not mean it, but it you'll just keep doing it long enough, the feeling will come. One more thing, stop playing those old memory tapes. If you respect the Bible, read Matthew 11:28- 30. Jesus said he would take our heavy burdens. Every day, you need to make a conscious decision to let Jesus have the burden of resentment. Keep doing it over and over again and things will get better.

Is it possible to bring about a quality relationship with a person who hurt you deeply? I am reminded of the Old Testament story of Joseph. His brothers were downright cruel. They threw him down into a pit and then sold him into slavery. Years later, when the tables were turned and Joseph was in a position of authority over them, they were scared to death that he would remember what happened in Dothan and get even. Joseph hadn't forgotten, but he saw God's hand in what happened and by the time he met his brothers, he had applied enough of the medicine of forgiveness to develop a quality relationship with them.

We always have a choice when hurts, slight, injuries and offenses take place.. We can wallow in misery or we can rebuild our relationships. Rebuilding is a whole lot more fun."

NEXT WEEK'S STUDY OUTLINE: "Managing Personal Conflicts"