CONTENTS:

• JUST VISITING
• ASK THE COUNSELOR
• DEVELOPING CREATIVE RELATIONSHIPS
• ON ROMANCE AND MARRIAGE

Our study outline this week deals with "Developing Creative Relationships" It focuses on three principles that are essential to building a quality family life and any other kind of relationship that's important.

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"No man is an island entire of himself. Every man is a piece of the continent."

Alfred Lord Tennyson said,

"I am a part of all I have met."

Alfred Adler said,

"All human failure is the result of a lack of love."

Dr. Smiley Blanton said that we have only two options,

"Love or Perish."

Whether you agree with those statements or not, it is a fact that people cannot live successfully on this earth without maintaining relationships with others. There are very few jobs that you can be successful in if you don't learn how to get along with people. The highest degree of satisfaction that we can experience on this earth is potentially experienced within the family, but if family members can't learn to get along, the family will disintegrate. God designed the church to be a family. It's a social support system, but if we don't work on developing a sense of love for oneanother and cultivate a high quality of fellowship, the church will be resented by those who feel they haven't been treated properly.

How can we make our relationships more productive, satisfying and cordial?

I.    Let's start by talking about how we can encourage mutual

respect.



	A..     Perhaps we should begin by defining respect.  



		1.     paying attention.

		2.     high regard

		3.     courtesy.

		4.     bias, partiality.    

		5.     Biblical usage of the term - usually means favorable  regard.



	B.     Who should we treat with respect?



		1.     Husband and wives.



		Ephesians 5:33  "However, each one of you

		also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must

		respect her husband."  



		1 Peter 3:7 "Husbands, in the same way be

		considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect

		as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of

		life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. "



		2.     Masters. 



		 Ephesians 6:5."Slaves, obey your earthly masters

		with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would

		obey Christ."  



		 The Bible was written in a time when slavery was

		entrenched in the world order, which is no longer true.  It is

		significant to note that even those who treated other human being as

		property were to be respected.



		3.     People with whom we share the gospel. 



		1 Peter 3:15 " But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be

		prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason

		for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,"



		4.     Those who lead the church.



		1 Thessalonians 5:12 " Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who

		work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish

		you." 



		5.     Everyone. 



		 Romans 13:7 "Give everyone what you owe him: If you

		owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then

		respect; if honor, then honor."  



		1 Peter 2:17  "Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood

		of believers, fear God, honor the king."



	C.     Must people be deserving of our respect to receive our respect?



	D.     How can we cultivate mutual respect in our relationships?



		1.     By recognizing the worth of others. 



		2.     By trying to understand the problems of others. 



		3.     By accepting others.  Do we have to change others before we can

		respect them?



	 	4.     By seeing the good in others. 



		5.     By seeing the difference between what a person does and what a

		person is and what a person does.



II.   We will inevitably enjoy more satisfying relationship if we will

give each other affirmation. 



	A.     I'm something of a Garrison Keillor fan.  If you don't know

	who he is, he broadcasts a radio program called "Prairie Home

	Companion." He tells stories about people who live in an imaginary

	town called Lake Wobegon, Minnesota.    He tells a story about an

	elderly couple. They've been married for fifty years.   And it seems

	like they have a close, endearing and growing relationship after

	years of marriage. Garrison let us in on their secret.   Every night

	she prepares his supper, his favorite foods, always prepared the same

	way.  She never tries any new recipes. They sit at the table and

	enjoy their meal together and every night, when the meal is over,  he

	takes her hand and looks in her eyes and says, "That's the best

	you've ever done."  And that according to Garrison, is why they have

	been married fifty years and the relationship is still growing.  It

	takes more than bragging on the cooking, but what's happening is

	affirmation.  It's appreciation.  It's saying, "I like what you do."

	You're important.  You're valuable to me.



	B.     Let's look at some examples of affirmation in the Bible.



		1.     Acts 15:3 ". . . the church sent them on their way, and as they

		traveled through Phoenicia and Samaria, they told how the Gentiles had

		been converted. This news made all the brothers very glad." 



		2.     Acts 15:31 "The people read it and were glad for its

		encouraging message." 



		3.     1 Corinthians 1:"I always thank God for

		you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. " 



		4.     2 Corinthians 8:1-2 " And now, brothers, we want you to know

		about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. 2 Out of

		the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty

		welled up in rich generosity." 



		5.     Ephesians 1:15-16 "For this reason, ever since I heard about

		your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, 16 I

		have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my

		prayers."



		6.     Philippians 1:3-5 "I thank my God every time I remember you. 4

		In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5 because of

		your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now."



	C.     Why are we often reluctant to affirm one another?



		1.     We fall into negative patterns of thinking .



		2.     We take one another for granted.



		3.     We are afraid the affirmation will not be returned. 



		4.     We withhold praise until the other person meets all our

		expectations.



		5. We're afraid that we might encourage sinful pride.



	D.     Sometimes we have problems accepting affirmation.



		1.     Perhaps we have a poor self image and think we aren't deserving.



		2.     Perhaps we don't value the opinion of the person who is giving

		the affirmation.



		3.     We may think we're being set up, that the person really wants

		something out of us.



		4.     For a Biblical perspective on affirmation, read, John 12:1-8 



	E.    How important is it to give and receive affirmation?



		1.     If we feel important and useful, nine times out of ten, the

		affirmation of others will be one of the major reasons we feel that

		way.



		2.     Some say, "No, a sense of self worth comes entirely from

		within."  Ultimately that's true, but in the end if no one values

		what we do, if we are constantly told that we have no worth or

		value, if we are always belittled and treated as inferior, it will be

		very hard to be assertive and to feel a sense of usefulness.



III.  Mutual Need Satisfaction.



	A.     All of us are creatures of need.



	B.     It is important to receive help from others and it is also

	important to give help to others.



	C.     1 John 3:16-17 "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ

	laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our

	brothers. 17 If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother

	in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?"



	D.     Romans 12:13 "Share with God's people who are in need.

	Practice hospitality."



	E.     1 Peter 4:9 "Offer hospitality to one another without

	grumbling."



	F.     Hebrews 13:1-2 "Keep on loving each other as brothers. 2 Do

	not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have

	entertained angels without knowing it."



	G.     What happens when we expect equal doses of giving and

	receiving in any relationship?    How do we avoid being disappointed

	when the giving and receiving seems unequal?

He had mastered one of the greatest relationship skills that a person can have. Somehow he made people feel important. That is the key to creative relationships. If we make a conscious effort to make every person we meet feel important, then we will have an enormously positive relationship with other people we deal with whether they be family, friends, associates at work, whoever they are.

"Most people get married believing a myth - that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for: companionship, sexual fulfillment, intimacy, friendship. The truth is that marriage, at the start, is an empty box. You must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage; love is in people. There is no romance in marriage; People have to infuse it into their marriages. A couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising - keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty." - J. Allen Petersen.

NEXT WEEK'S FEATURE ARTICLE: "PEOPLE NEED MARRIAGE"