Contents

• JUST VISITING - Concerning writer's guidelines
• THE REAL KEY TO COMMUNICATING VALUES
• WHAT CAN WE DO TO SAVE OUR CHILDREN
  Phil Sanders
• FROM THE E-MAIL BAG

Some have asked our policy about unsolicited articles. We will be happy to consider submissions for publications, but we (Vic Phares and I) retain the privilege of deciding whether we want to include "over-the-transom" (that's writer talk meaning "unsolicited manuscripts"). If you want to contribute an article I would appreciate your observing the following guidelines (1) Make sure your content is consistent with the gospel and the Christian message. (2) If possible, limit your article to about 400 words. O.K. I know I violate this sometimes, but I'm the editor and that gives me a certain amount of privilege. (3) I would really appreciate it you would (a) single space your articles. (b) Start each paragraph flush against the left hand margin without any indentions. (c) Single space and skip a line between paragraphs. (4) Do not attempt to justify the right margins. (5) Remember that our e-mail program does not allow us to bold, italicize or underline. (6) Since you are sending me your manuscript on computer, I assume that you have a spell checker. Please use it. Always proofread after spell checking. If you misspell a word, by using another real word, the computer isn't smart enough to know that you meant "death knell" instead of "death kneel." (7) Allow plenty of time for your article to appear before writing and saying, "Norman do you have rocks in your head? I sent you the most creative writing since Shakespeare and you won't publish it." We stay two and sometimes three weeks ahead in composing our newsletters. Vic and I live in different cities and we exchange hard copies as well as computer copies before anything goes out. I hope that about covers the waterfront on writing guidelines. It's better to have a good understanding up front than to have a misunderstanding later on.

In Luke 18, Jesus related the parable of the unjust judge. Most of the time when we consider the parable, we use the story to emphasize prayer. But Luke says that Jesus told the parable "to show them that they should always pray and not give up." At the end of the parable, he asked this question, "when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?" And when you look at the context, you'll discover the question isn't answered. It's an open ended question.

I don't have to tell you that the decision to exercise faith is an individual decision, that God respects freedom of choice and that, in the end, our children must make up their own minds about their faith. But children do not reach adulthood in a vacuum. When they give you your first voter registration card at the age of 18, you already have certain opinions, viewpoints and convictions. What people believe when they reach adulthood is determined in large measure by how they have been educated and influenced.

When some of our young people don't turn out well, we are quick to point the finger of blame at everybody from the executive branch of government to low quality Sunday School classes. But finger pointing doesn't solve the problem. We need to find the real key to developing faith in the minds of the young and put our emphasis there. Here's the real key. The real key to value development is THE INVOLVEMENT OF AND EXAMPLE SET BY THE PARENTS!

Look at what your Bible says, "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up" (Deuteronomy 6:6-7. That's a command in the law of Moses and it was addressed to parents. 1 Kings 15:26 says this about Jereboam, the first king of Israel after the two nations divided, "He did evil in the eyes of the LORD, walking in the ways of his father and in his sin, which he had caused Israel to commit." What led Jereboam down the wrong path? It was the influence of his father. If you'll read the history of the wicked kings of both Judah and Israel, you'll find that same comment made over and over again. But over on the other side of the coin, we have this picture of King Jehoshaphat in 1 Kings 22:43. "In everything he walked in the ways of his father Asa and did not stray from them; he did what was right in the eyes of the LORD."

In 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12, Paul described his relationship to the church at Thessalonica, "For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory." He was talking about his relationship to the church, but in the process, he got into the matter of what parents do. They - encourage, comfort, and urge their children to live lives worthy of God. If you ever have any doubt about the power of parental influence, then you need to read the story of the great preacher Timothy. Acts 16:1 says that his mother was a Jewess and a believer and his father was a Greek. Luke does not say "his father was a Greek and a believer." He was probably a pagan. It appears that Eunice didn't get any help from dear old Dad. But Paul wrote to Timothy in the letter we call 2 Timothy, "I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also" (2 Timothy 1:5). It's a lot better if you've got both parents going in the same direction, but it can be done if one parent truly loves the Lord.

1. It starts with Christian character development. You can't give what you don't have and it's foolish to expect to be able to communicate faith to the next generation if our own faith has a very low quality. In Paul's second letter to the church at Corinth, he dealt with church problems. As Paul saw it, the happy resolution of church problems can only come about when people have achieved a certain level of inner integrity. He said in 2 Corinthians 13:5 "Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith." He said basically the same thing from a different angle in Romans 12:2. "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will." Paul was concerned about the inner life, about what you are when nobody else sees you. If you want to pass on values to the next generation, you must, above all, give attention to your inward character strengths. You cannot give your faith away if you don't have a strong faith yourself. That's where you need to start.

Several religious groups have come to the realization that they have a problem in keeping their young people. They have also come to the realization that parents are the key. Some of them have decided that their past performance leave much to be desired. They realize that just scolding the parents and trying to make them feel guilty for not doing a better job doesn't get the job done. The Sunday School board of the Southern Baptist churches has developed a curriculum for parental training. They call it, "Seven Realities in Experiencing God." And if you look at each one of these seven realties, it is obvious that they are concentrating on helping parents to deepen their own personal faith in God as a starting place.

2. The second thing we have to do is set an example. There's just not any way to overstate the power of an example. The greatest sermons don't come from the pulpit they come from those who live quality Christian lives. Sir Rowland Hill once said, "We can do more good by being good than any other way." One of the positive things Paul said about the church in Thessalonica was this. ". . . you became a model to all the believers in Macedonia and Achaia (1 Thess. 1:7). In 2 Thessalonians 3:7-9, he even said that he and his companions denied themselves certain privileges that were rightfully theirs, "in order to make ourselves a model for you to follow." Titus was told in Titus 2:7-8 "In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us." Peter told the elders that they must be "examples to God's flock" in Titus 2:3. If it is important for preachers, for elders and all these authority figures to set a good example, then how much more important is it for parents?

According to the scriptures and also according to recent research, parents have more to do with the formation of a child's values than anyone else on the face of the earth. But if your life is a contradiction of the faith you profess, don't expect your child to want to walk in the way of faith. Will Rogers said, "People's minds are changed through observation not through argument." It's very disheartening, when you go to someone who was raised in the church and you ask, "Why don't you come to church anymore?" And you get an answer something like this, "My Mama and Daddy went to church every time the doors were opened. They could quote more scripture than the preacher could, but they didn't get along with each other. Our home was a hell on earth. It didn't do them much good and I don't figure it will do me much good." It's very hard to overcome that kind of objection.

3. Parents need to spend time with their children. I grow weary of hearing today's busy parent excusing themselves by saying, "Oh, but the time I do spend is quality time." I've become convinced that quality time means lots of time. Read that Deuteronomy passage again. The parents in those verses are with the children when they sit at home, when they walk along the road, when they lie down and when they get up. That's lots of time. I know how busy we are and I know it takes creative scheduling.

Sometime ago, I scheduled a guest speaker to conduct a weekend series at a congregation I served. We were anxious to have him come. We had him scheduled on a weekend in the fall. Several weeks before the event arrived, he called and said, "Norman, you've got me scheduled during a home football game, and my boy's wearing a helmet. I don't see how I can come." I was disappointed, but I'm glad he had the courage to do what he did. Sometimes it means losing something in another part of your life to spend time with children at an age when the moment can't be recaptured.

Recently, I received a letter from a man who told me about the house he lived in. Over a period of years, he was constantly building and remodeling the house. He said in the process, "I taught myself building skills and I passed all those skills along to my sons." You can't do something like that without spending time with them. And that's true in the spiritual realm. Children need to be with us and see our struggles to grow in the faith and learn from us in the struggle.

4. But there does come a time when children must be instructed and disciplined. Eli and Samuel set powerful examples for their sons, but their sons were not the kind of men they were. Eli's boys were as ungodly as they come. What was the problem? Listen to the comment of 1 Samuel 3:13, ". . . he failed to restrain them." I strongly believe that young people need to grow up in a loving and warm atmosphere. I'm even a strong believer in fun. It may be hard for some of you to accept that, but I'm a fun guy. We need to spend meal times together. We need to laugh together, but food, fellowship and fun alone will not get the job done. A child needs to hear the Word of God. A child needs to hear words of rebuke. A child even needs to feel the rod of correction. The Hebrew writer says in Hebrews 12:11 "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. "

Will we be the third civilization to go down the tube because of our disregard for family life? Will the Lord find faith on the earth when he comes? Will our children have faith? As parents we hold the real key to the answer to those questions.

Every Christian parent's nightmare is to see one of his children leave the faith. In some cases the loss is due to worldliness; in other cases it is boredom and in still other cases it is due to rejection of the parent. Problems at church, conflict at home, peer pressure, or a loss of faith can set a child's heart in the wrong direction.

The fact is that 60% of those who drop-out of church, do so before age 24. The good news is that 80% of the who drop-out do come back at some time in their lives. What can parents do to reach their children for the Lord?

1. Introduce them to the love and goodness of God as early as possible. Begin praying before a child is born. Talk of Jesus even from infancy. Tell brief Bible stories when the child is still a toddler. Recite Bible verses at the dinner table.
2. Let devotionals be a regular part of family life. From the earliest times sing songs with them about the Lord. Children can pray to God even at just a year old. Pray with them. Make bedtime a time for devotions; ten minutes will do wonders. Make breakfast a time to start the day with God.
3. Involve your children in your service to the Lord. Train them to serve by taking them with you to visit, to teach, to evangelize, to encourage. Let them serve with you.
4. Model the Christian life before them. Let them see your example as a godly, faithful, active servant. Practice what you preach. Let God permeate every part of your life. Avoid compromising your faith and excusing disobedience.
5. Pray fervently and daily. After all is said, remember that God is the One who gives the increase. God is as interested in your child as you are; He loves Him and will do all He can to bring him to a knowledge of the truth.

You can contact Phil Sanders at the Concord Rd. Church of Christ, 8221 Concord Rd. Brentwood, TN 37027. (615) 373-4353 Phil invites you to view their home page with Realaudio http://www.nashville.net/crcoc/

Denny Boultinghouse is another friend, who edits Image Magazine. We also had a nice note from him. "thought your most recent newsletter was excellent. I hope you are getting lots of hits. You are providing much good info for readers. Keep it up."

COMMENTS FROM OTHERS

"Please sign me up on your free mailing newsletter. I enjoyed the one about laboring--We all need to check our attitudes and attentions."

If you have questions about marriage and family relationships you can "ASK THE COUNSELOR." We will select questions to be answered in the newsletter. Address your questions if Mikal Frazier. Her address is frazier02@aol.com

NEXT WEEK'S FEATURE ARTICLE: "Turf Wars"