Contents

• JUST VISITING
• TURF WARS
• FROM THE E-MAILBAG
  "FAMILY VALUES DISCUSSION"

JUST VISITING

At our Website, we have a position statement on family values. We've received many comments about our position statement, most of which are positive. In all honesty some comments are hostile. Recently, we received a letter about our position statement that wasn't exactly hostile, but nevertheless questioned some of our philosophy.

When we began this ministry we said that we would be long on practical help for the family and short on issues. We do operate from a Christian frame of reference, however and we have never made any attempt to hide that fact. In this week's newsletter, I have chosen to respond to the person who raised questions. It provides us an opportunity to let you know what we stand for. If you haven't seen the position statement on family values, you can access it at, http://www.mindchurch.org/famval.html.

Turf wars seem to be a normal part of human experience. Jim, our second son, waged a relentless battle with his younger brother, Gary, over socks. Nothing angered him more than to see his socks on Gary's feet. His solution was to acquire a laundry marker and write, "Jim" on the soles of all his white tube socks.

If you leave home and live by yourself a few years prior to marriage, turf wars temporarily subside because you gain an incredible amount of control over your own personal environment. You no longer compete with siblings over socks. Besides that, you have the complete run of your living quarters. If you want to leave your toothbrush on the sink, nobody's going to say a word. Nobody complains because you drape your clothes over a chair instead of hanging them in the closet. You can be as neat or as sloppy as you choose.

By the time we are 30 years old, about 90 per cent of us decide to marry. At the end of the honeymoon, the groom picks the bride up in his strong arms and carries her across the threshold (at least they used to do it that way). A few minutes later they unload the car and that simple chore is laden with potential for igniting their first serious turf war. Who will get to use the bedroom closet and who will hang their clothes in the hall closet? Many other battles will likely follow and it will probably take years to resolve the turf wars to the satisfaction of both parties.

No one should consider their marriage abnormal or dysfunctional because of a disagreement over territorial rights. Unfortunately some people never resolve the turf wars and they end up taking their disputes to the divorce court. Others keep working at improving their communication skills until they reach a workable solution. What does it take to resolve a turf war? Basically, it requires two people who respect, honor, and live considerately with each other. The Bible offers a practical principle that undergirds all human relationships."Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others" (Philippians 2:3- 4). I have never known a married couple, who really worked at that approach, to fail in their attempt to resolve turf wars. On the other hand, I have never known anyone who ignores those principles to successfully overcome conflicts over territorial rights.

FROM THE E-MAILBAG

"Dear Mr. Bales,

I respect some of your ideas regarding family values. I understand that if you are a Christian in the United States, that Biblical family values are the way to go. However, I suggest that Biblical family values will not work with those of other religious cultures. While it is a "Good Christian's" job to minister to those who have not heard the word, is it not true that we should avoid hypocracy (sic) by not trying to force the outside beliefs into other cultures, for is it not the Golden Rule to "do unto others." I am not, in any way, pointing the finger at anyone, however, we do need to be aware of other cultures and recognize that one person's idea of family values, is not the same as others. After all, one man's moral standard, is another man's sin."

MY RESPONSE:

It seems to be that my respondent raises three legitimate questions.

1. Do Biblical family values have relevance in all cultures?
2. Are Christians attempting to force their values on unwilling people?
3. Can we expect non-Christians to practice Biblical family values?

DO BIBLICAL FAMILY VALUES HAVE RELEVANCE IN ALL CULTURES?

I have also been impressed with the comments of Michael Medved, a film critic. Michael has even been accused of being an advocate of the extreme Christian right wing, but Michael is also a devout Jew. Even so, we share many of the same values as they affect the family.

It seems to me that there are people outside the Christian community, who recognize, practice and promote Biblical family values. Biblical family values were not developed by a committee of family life experts in an academic setting. They were revealed by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. It is true that many people of the world have abandoned Biblical family values, but the end result has not been very satisfying. In Romans 1, Paul described what happened to people who decided they did not want to retain the knowledge of God. Romans 1:29-31 "They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless." To the extent that a society honors Biblical values, that society will have stability; to the extent that it ignores Biblical values, that society will experience chaos.

Some cultures incorporate Biblical values into their society without recognizing their source. Paul spoke in Romans 2:14 about Gentiles, "who do not have the law" but "do by nature things required by the law." When families in a non-Christian culture practice and abide by Biblical standards, they will enjoy a measure of positive fulfillment.

ARE CHRISTIANS ATTEMPTING TO FORCE THEIR VALUES ON UNWILLING PEOPLE?

Margaret Mead, the famous anthropologist was not sympathetic to Christianity, yet she paid the Christian faith something of a left handed compliment in a conversation with Judith Wallerstein. She said, "There is no society in the world where people have stayed married without enormous community pressure to do so." I think she's right, although I would prefer the term "persuasion" to "pressure."

CAN WE EXPECT NON-CHRISTIANS TO PRACTICE BIBLICAL FAMILY VALUES?

If you have questions about marriage and family relationships you can "ASK THE COUNSELOR." We will select questions to be answered in the newsletter. Address your questions to Mikal Frazier. Her address is frazier02@aol.com

NEXT WEEK'S FEATURE ARTICLE: "Dealing with Infirmities"