|
Volume 1 Number 4
February 19, 1996
Norman Bales, Editor
ENEMIES OF THE FAMILY
by Norman Bales
INTRODUCTION
Many so called experts on the modern family leave the impression that the
enemies of the home are all sequestered in the offices of corporate and bureaucratic
America. They are portrayed as a fiendish group of demon controlled persons who
will do anything for a buck. While it is true that our society is far too much controlled
by bureaucrats and materialists, some of the most insidious enemies of the families
are right in our own homes, maybe even inside ourselves. As Pogo would say, "We
have met the enemy and the enemy is us." I'm going to challenge you to think about
some "ordinary" enemies from everyday life.
DISCUSSION
I. The enemy of overcommitment. According to James Dobson "Overcommitment
is the number one marriage killer."
A. What comes to you mind when you hear the term "overcommitment?"
B. What persons, groups or organizations pressure us to make
commitments we can't fulfill?
C. How can we fulfil our obligations to God, the church and society in
general without shortchanging our families?
D. How can you tell that you have overcommited yourself?
E. If you find you've overcommited yourself, what steps can you take to re-
orient your priorities?
II. Low Self Esteem
A. According to one survey among women, low self-esteem was considered
the most troublesome problem in their marriages by 50 per cent of the
women. 80 per cent placed it in the top five.
B. What does it mean to have low self-esteem?
C. Why is this an enemy of the family?
D. Some strategies for building self esteem include:
1. Affirmation. Every person in the family ought to receive at least
one genuine compliment every day.
2. A person with a sense of low self esteem can improve one's
sense of well being by contributing something that others praise,
honor or value.
3. Giving attention to one's appearance can enhance self esteem.
4. Most important of all recognizing one's worth in the sight of God
enhances self esteem (Genesis 1:26; Romans 5:8).
5. In the family self esteem is enhanced when we
a. listen to each other.
b. do things for each other.
c. give one another the precious gift of time.
d. behave toward one another in a thoughtful and considerate
way.
III. Boredom. Within six months of the wedding, many married couples come to
the realization they have settled into a rather predictable pattern of relating.
The excitement that kept their relationship alive during the courtship leaves and
they feel trapped by the boredom.
A. Some solutions that don't work.
1. Any solution that involves the violation of the value system of
either spouse.
2. Pursuing separate interests (separate vacations, etc).
3. Settling for a life of boredom?
B. How do you overcome the boredom in your marriage?
CONCLUSION
A part of the strategy in combatting the enemies of the family involves the acceptance
of the threat of boredom. If you recognize the fact that boredom can bury your
marriage, then you're in a position to use all the resources at your disposal to fight
against boredom and all the other enemies
A PARTING WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT
Most of us are looking for some big thing that we can do to improve our
marriages. If I could, I would take my wife to Honolulu, buy her a luxury car and give
her a diamond so big it would weight her hand down. Of course, I can't do these
things, but then there are so many things I can do that I neglect to do. I can send her
a card or some flowers when there's no occasion that calls for it. I can just express
appreciation to her. I can open doors for her. I can be thoughtful and kind in my tone
of voices. Most of us find ourselves frustrated in our marriages because we're
missing out on the little things. I'm dating myself when I recall a singer named Kitty
Kallen. She only had one big hit, but it really packed a message. The title of her
song was "Little Things Mean a Lot." She was so right. See you next week. -
Norman.
NEXT WEEK'S FEATURE ARTICLE: "Don't Ration Praise"
|
