CONTENTS

• Just Visiting
• Study: "How to Bless Grown Children"
  by Stephen Teel
• Reflecting on Thanksgiving
  by Norman Bales

Just Visiting

Some people see only the uncomfortable things in their lives and never see the good things. I am amazed at the way many Third World people, who have very little of this world's material goods live happy, contented lives. It has more to do with the way one looks at life than it does with how big your piece of the money pie might be. Several years ago, when I lived in Kansas City, Jimmy Dean, a popular country and western singer came to town. He came to town on a rainy, disagreeable day. The radio announcer, who interviewed him apologized for the weather. Jimmy Dean is not known for his spirituality, but I'll never forget what he said. "Any day, the good Lord lets you get out of bed, put both feet on the floor and stand up is a good day." I like that spirit and I hope you'll think about that while you're consuming mounds of turkey, large portions of dressing, giblet gravy and cranberry sauce (Who decided that cranberry sauce makes a person more thankful? Oh well most everything else does).

We're privileged to share with you some of the thoughts of Stephen Teel concerning grown children and some thoughts about the holiday we call "Thanksgiving."

Norman

Eight ways to bless them. One finds that children do not outgrow their need for one's blessing; they instead grow to appreciate it even more as the years pass.

"We Really Love You, But..." Tough decisions and grown children. When the son or daughter comes with a questionable request, what should you do?

Older children need praise. Children of all ages have an "affirmation bank". Make regular deposits. "If anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Phil. 4:8. Paul's words apply to our praising the good things in adult kids. Smalley insists, "as our children grow older, their need for our affirmation becomes even greater, not less."

Children need a written record of their parents words. With the nest empty parents find they have more time. Why not use that extra time to share your blessing for them with cards and letters?

Help older children drain anger out of their lives. Anger unresolved, prolonged leads to depression, ulcers and high blood pressure. It often means a closed spirit; they argue more and avoid other family members. One method to drain the anger is to reopen a child's spirit by:

1. Becoming tenderhearted. "A gentle answer turns away wrath," Prov. 5:1. Choose gentleness and you will communicate an openness.
2. Increase understanding. Avoid lecturing, and honor with them by listening.
3. Recognize the offense. By admitting that we were wrong we open our child's spirit.
4. Attempt to touch. Practice appropriate hugs, handshakes. and kisses with your older kids.
5. Seek forgiveness when warranted. "Could you find it in your heart to forgive me."

Give the inheritance of a good name. "A good name is more desirable than great riches." Prov. 22:1. Will you leave your older children a name they can be proud of - from truthfulness, to consistency, to Christ-likeness?

Bless them by taking care of your own health. One's children will naturally worry about the health of their parents. By taking an active role in preventing and avoiding health problems one lifts a burden off them.

Teach them financial responsibility. Avoid the temptation to step in and give financial help and even luxuries to a grown child. They need to know that they can't depend on others to bail them out of their messes.

Avoid over-controlling. Checking in on one's children to frequently or always stopping by the house may foster over-controlling. They must take positive control of their lives.

Give the child the chance to return the blessing to you. One should not look for it, demand it or pout when it is not forthcoming. But when the blessing returns be willing to accept it.

Stephen Bly's book, Just Because They're Left Doesn't Mean They're Gone.. suggests that one consider these points when faced with a difficult decision:

Listen to the whole story. Before coming to a decision be sure you understand precisely what is being asked for and why. You might quickly refuse a last-minute request to keep the kids for the weekend since it appears to be inconsiderate and frivolous. It could be however that by asking for an explanation one finds that your daughter is hoping that the weekend will help them work through some marital problems.

Take time to consider your answer. Rather than an instant "yes" or "no", give yourself some time to consider all the ramifications of agreeing or refusing.

Talk it over. Discuss the situation in detail with your spouse and be in agreement.

Pray for wisdom. Regardless of your feelings or what you think, your decision should be one which you feel God would bless.

(Stephen Teel ministers with the University Church of Christ; 3605 DeSiard; P. O. Box 4272; Monroe, LA 71211. His e-mail address is UNCHCHRIST@aol.com)

Not long ago a minister was teaching a class for the church's teenagers and was somewhat shocked when one of the young people asked, how we got the holiday of thanksgiving. He had assumed that the schools had covered that subject. When the instructor started reading modern textbooks he noticed that all references to God were omitted. One book simply said that the pilgrims started the holiday and celebrated it by eating turkey and ham.

With that kind of neglect, I thought it might be worthwhile to review the history of thanksgiving. In the fall of 1620, 102 religious separatists left Southampton, England in search of a free place to live and worship. One of the ships, the Speedwell, proved to be unseaworthy, so they landed at Plymouth and everyone loaded onto a single vessel, the Mayflower.

They had planned to make land in Virginia, but they were blown off course during their journey and ended up in Massachusetts. Winter had already set in and their provisions were extremely sparse. Half of the original settlers died the first winter and when the crew prepared to go back to England the next spring, some people considered returning with the crew. But they stayed. They put out their first crop, established friendly relations with the Indians and reinforced their homes. On their first anniversary, they contemplated commemorative observance. Some wanted to mourn the dead, but the group that won out proposed a feast of thanksgiving to celebrate God's blessings.

Although the pilgrims who landed at Plymouth Rock in 1620 actually started the tradition of thanksgiving in this country, it was not through their efforts that it became an official holiday. Shortly after the end of the revolutionary war in 1789, George Washington issued the following proclamation, "Whereas it is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly implore his protection, aid and favors. Now therefore I do recommend and assign the 26th day of November next to be devoted by the people of these states to the service of that great and glorious Being, who is the Beneficent Author of all good that was, that is, or that will be; that we may then all unite in rendering unto him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection of the people of this country and for all the great and various favors which He has been pleased to confer on us."

To me it's somewhat remarkable to read that proclamation from our nation's first chief executive. It's a statement that unashamedly recognized the place of God in national life. George Washington belonged to an era when the stated goal of the colonists was to resist the idea of a state church, but at the same time that did not mean a state divorced from God. Notice how the proclamation was just filled with references to the Almighty God, to obeying His will, to giving him credit for the benefits that we enjoy in this nation.

While many lament the erosions of our freedom there is not law against doing what the pilgrims did. We are still free to thank god for "all the great and various favors which he has been pleased to confer on us." We can our mourn our losses, feel sorry for ourselves, complain about the way people treat us and give up on our hopes and dreams if we so choose. Or we choose to be grateful for the things that God has done and build on that gratitude. I prefer the latter choice, the choice of gratitude. The writer of the Psalms said, "This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad." That's the choice I'm making. My life is happier because I made that choice. Maybe it will work for you too.

NEXT WEEK'S FEATURE ARTICLE: "Are You Fun to Live With?"